werewqtre

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Currently warming up with some doodles of Ryou cosplaying as Phi from Zero Escape~

I barely draw this creampuff T__T. Sorry, Ryou.

This just came out of a chat when I saw Phi and she had the same colour scheme as Ryou and we thought Ryou would look good in Phi’s outfit, haha.

although I genderbent this one by adding pants cuz Phi wears a miniskirt.

Ah but I forgot to put the flower head accessory.

I’m still in the very first part of the Zero Escape: Virtue’s Last Reward haha, so I don’t wanna be spoiled. Seems interesting so far although I didn’t get to enjoy it as much last week cuz I was too burnt out to even play the minigames. I wanted to enjoy it but my brain was too deep fried and tired.

Speaking of burnout, I didn’t get to do any art studies because I was burning the midnight oil for a week, ORZ. I had a deadline yesterday so I was drowning myself in instant coffee because I didn’t have time to brew and I didn’t have much time for fandom online stuff but I did open CSP and…

well, from the latest post, I got so pissed that they didn’t retract their shitty subscription service so I ranted about how much I hated the path they were starting to walk into. I know it’s the natural trajectory of this capitalist mode of production, so I expected the subscription based service , most stuff are heading that way, adobe did that shit, most 3d programs do that shit,

but I didn’t think they’d be that shameless, haha. Especially since it felt like a betrayal from like, six, seven years ago when I bought it, Maybe I took it too personally, CELSYS is a corporation so it’s pointless to even have any hope for them to care about their consumers, I get it, but I was being optimistic for once. Like they were able to backtrack that AI feature on their program after the huge uproar and negative feedback they got from the CSP artist community, I thought, well, this subscription plan they have for V2 received so much negative feedback, maybe they’d backtrack on it last minute..

they didn’t.

ah well…

Key to happiness is to have low expectations.

for everything, lol.

I’m joking (not really) but jfc, I hate feeling nihilistic and cynical because it’s not productive to the cause but eh, it’s difficult to not get discouraged with how things are right now, locally and worldwide.

Clip Studio Shite (rant)

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UPDATE [15 MARCH 2023 / 10:58 am ]: I My brain was mush when I typed this lol, I initially mentioned about CSP upgrade that cost 40 USD would come with access to features that’ll last a year but it’s not. You can buy EX 2.0 upgrade but it won’t come with that access so you willl have to subscribe to th EX Update Pass to get them tch.

I’m very disappointed.

…and annoyed.

This is old news as I knew of CSP’s crappy subscription plan months ago when they announced it but I was hoping that they’d backtrack on it in the last minute given how there was a huge uproar in the artist community when the announcement came but alas, they did not. >_>

Gods, I despise capitalism with all my heart.

So I bought CSP EX years ago, the one time purchase/perpetual license which cost like almost 200 USD so it’s quite insulting that they’re offering their upgrade at a high price of 40 USD. They call it a discount but …I dunno what world they live in where 40 USD is a low price for license owners. They’re supposed to be a free upgrade for us license owners in the first place.

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so ugly

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

LOL this is such bad art I’m just gonna post this only on WP instead, lol.

So many obvious beginner mistakes, it’s embarrassing. /facepalms/

I’ll probably redraw this sometime soon. I didn’t really wanna put it here, just wanted to scrap it but Rin said I should post it here even if I find it appalling to look at, haha.

Gods, So many anatomy and proportion problems, i don’t even know where to begin.

I really need to do more art studies. :/

I know I say that a lot but honestly, I didn’t really have the time to do that because of family stuff and a pet health emergency that happened last week. And I have had some other RL tasks to finish as well. I have a deadline next week so it’s been very difficult to focus, ORZ

I’ll do better.

Anyway, the picture is meant to be some scene in a future comic of our Post “Canon” AU in Blood+. I put canon in quotes because me and Rin did some revisions to the canon timeline where it would be possible for all the schiff to survive and where all those unnecessary, grimdark, and cheap shock moments didn’t happen.

(Really, they weren’t even necessary to the plot at all. And from what I translated from Fujisaku’s interview, it seemed he did it because he wanted shock and he didn’t know what to do with the schiff and Riku after. Plus, he wanted that sequel bait, ugh.)

I ship these characters a lot, damn, haha. How many years since 2005? or 2006? and I never thought I’d be shipping these two in 2022. My child self would be weirded out if they saw this, haha.

Then again, even as a conservative and naive kid, I couldn’t see any chemistry between Saya and Haji at all. Super forced and Saya always came across as a lesbian to me from her interactions with women compared to the men, lol. (hence, why I ship her and Kaori.)

meh. Fuck that comp het, lol.

I want to talk more but my brain is shutting down so fast atm. so I’ll try to blog more tomorrow. ^^

yo

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

Sorry for the inactivity since last weekend. ^^;;

I had the period flu late last week, ugh. The shitty thing about period cramps is that they always come back with a vengeance once the painkiller has worn off and it was crappy timing when it happened during the late night, lol.

And ofc RL stuff got in the way. Family problems and my dog having an emergency situation where his condition was like a roller coaster. On one day, he’s sick and then the next, he is active and then the day after that, he gets sick and worse than the day before.I was so friggin’ stressed and anxious especially seeing him hide himself among the plants and curling up. I panicked since my mind automatically had flashbacks of my dogs hiding themselves like that before they died last year, gah.

Thankfully, his disease wasn’t fatal although he had a low platelet count. He’s doing okay now, being his typical hyperactive and playful self but boy, did the stress take a toll on my physical and mental health, lol.

Anyway, I’m still working on some comics. Might use some final fantasy and other series’ characters also to experiment and warm up on drawing.

I don’t ship those two romantically btw, lol. I ship them platonically, like big sis and lil’ bro.

I ship Lightning with herself, heh.

JK

I mean I don’t really see Lightning having any romantic relationship with anyone. At best, I can see her and Fang being romantic.

ALSO

2000s thick emo animu layered hair is difficult to draw but boy, I love those. I wish they came back in style, haha.

posted

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Posted on my nsfw blog just now.

I should be drawing lots of r18 art. I’m Pretty rusty with drawing genitals and naked subjects hence why the art looks weird and deformed, lol.

Gonna do art studies of those for tomorrow.

mood stuff

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

‘Thought I could draw more simple personal comic strips for this blog and tumblr or twitter, I guess. It’s a good way of going back to this WP’s original journal purpose, lol. (Even though WP has gone to become more greedy and shittier after all these years)

And some rants are better off as scribble comics because the former can come off as really incomprehensible and jumbled up since I write them when I’m tired most of the time.

I always end up overlooking my menstrual cycle, lol. My period has been irregular for the past two months (due to stress and a messed up sleep schedule probably) so I don’t put the effort to monitor the menstrual app or calendar because they haven’t predicted tthe previous two cycles right.

They seem to be accurate this time, at least. I was feeling very angry, depressed and hungry at the same time last weekend ’til now. And I just had some crying spells a few hours ago, haha. For the past week, I had a black hole for a stomach and craved and ate all the salty and deep fried food in the house and I still wasn’t satiated, lol. (‘Currently craving for McDonald’s as I type this.)

Gods, the luteal phase is always the worst. You just suddenly hate everyone and everything and easily snap and cry over the dumbest and pettiest of things. -__-;;

Today is the last day it seems. I was able to draw this thing so I don’t hate drawing that much compared to a few days ago, haha. And I’m feeling cheerful now, thankfully. ^^

haaaa i’m not looking forward for dem dysmenorrheic cramps this week tho haha.

I play with figurines

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Not really.

But I forgot to blog about this last week. Sorry. ^^;;>

Well, what happened last week was that I decided to bite the bullet and buy some figurines or pose dolls(not sure what to call them haha) to serve as my drawing aids.

they’re really small. I expected 12 inch-sized figurines, haha.

Why did it take me so many years to decide on buying these stuf, yadda yadda?

It’s because I have a huge complex and I end up self sabotaging myself because of my frugality, lol.

Oh, you need figurines as references for posing? Are you such a noob that you have to rely on them because you don’t have much faith in your skills as an artist? Figurines aren’t even accurate. It’s a crutch. You’re not a real skilled artist if you have to use them.

I’ve been grappling with that toxic mentality that I managed to get over a week ago by getting suggested with these products and suddenly remembering a Manben episode of some professional comic artists actually using figurines as their reference for their works.

I was surprised tbh. It was reassuring seeing all these professional manga artists actually have very messy “UNaesthetically pleasing” workspaces and doing whatever method they prefer. All those rules about having to use a G pen, etc. gets thrown out of the window when you see that these artists have their preferred tools of the trade. One of them just uses mechanical pencil and a micron pen and mentions how her editor didn’t know about those, haha.

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Mirror! AU – FUOH: Feelings –

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Finally done with this!

……Although lower your expectations because it’s short, lol.

(also because I had to redo some faces because I suck hard at drawing these two.)

I am just slower compared to back then, ugh.

But it’s just about regaining that momentum. I hope I can be quicker with other comics. >.<

Obviously, OOC Kaiba and Jou because these are their mirror versions. ‘Just warning you. People might get thrown off with a kind, smiling Kaiba. (and a gothic punk Jou, I made sure to thicken his animu eyeliner here.)

I certainly was cringing when I drew him years ago but now, I only do it a little, lol.

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Some iminor inconsistency I noticed after I overwritten them.

I forgot Jou’s pendant in some panels so ..Sorry. ORZ

WIP

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

I may have overestimated myself. ORZ

I thought making a short monochromatic mirror! puppyshipping comic would only take a few days but I was wrong, lol. And it’s already Tuesday night of this week.

Although, to be fair, my computer has been super slow since late last week. It froze frequently last weekend that I couldn’t even do a proper stroke or click on CSP without restarting on its own sometimes so I had to update the system. Which took an hour or so, lol.

I know it’s my fault for not updating my computer in years but from my experience, most apple updates make the device slower and I didn’t want that to happen again. I was already comfortable with this 2-3 year old system until a few weeks ago where I noticed it was freezing more. It wasn’t the storage as I keep most stuff in hard drives, so there was lots of storage space available, and I only have a few applications.

Bleh. Friggin’ Apple. I decided to update the OS and….so far, no slower stuff…..

not yet anyway. >__>

At least, it’s not as bad as the one last weekend.

And another part of that slowness is me being out of momentum with comics unlike before where I’d be quick because I made comics as if they were a regular drawing activity (and I also wasn’t that paralysed with perfectionism) but now, I may have slowed down. T__T

I think I can get through this like the old days, though. It’s getting the ball rolling that’s the most difficult part but it can be done.

I’m currently balancing two comic strips at the same time, haha. Both YGO ..but I also wanna draw some Hagie AU at the same time, heh.

Here’s a WIP shot of the Mirror! pup comic:

Gotta get rid of those ink dots looking at it now, haha. Gods, my eyes are getting worse.

A friendly, kind looking Kaiba still throws me off slightly but not like before where I just cringed whenever I drew him like that, haha.

Also…

I jsut realised.

I forgot to post that Mirror! Jou chibi on Tumblr and Twitter, gah.

I’ll promise to post that and this tomorrow morning cuz I feel sleepy right now typing this, and there’s a new spot on my face cuz my sleeping schedule lfor the last two weeks have been so irregular, ORZ.

People have been commenting how absent minded I have been lately. Forgetting and misplacing my things. ugh…..

I guess that messed up sleep pattern has caused so much brain fog and lack of focus.

So I’m fixing it. I’ll get behind on a decent sleep schedule this week. ^^/

it’s almost 2 am…

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

…And I’m still awake, lol. wtf.

I may have worked on some comic strips for too long I forgot how much time had passed. ^^

It’s a shame that I haven’t posted much this week but the good news is, I’m grinding a whole lot for the past few days which means I can post more art on twitter and tumblr next week. (^人^)

There’s the comic commission which i got a bit stuck on in the last part but I managed to sort them out. I just need more references to get online for the backgrounds, haha.

I’m also nearly done with a….two year old, short Mirror! puppyshipping comic idea. It’s monochrome so it’s quick, haha but I’ve always wanted to finish that idea. (Will post the BTS of it here if I remember….)

Screw perfectionism! I started a comic with two characters, Seto and Jou that I have difficulty drawing with.

I’m tired of procrastinating because of perfectionism and external approval. What did I even achieve compared to back when I was a big amateur in drawing but brimming with passion, enthusiasm and having no fucks to give?

Rin was right when she told me recently that I lost sight of what my reason was for drawing.

All that enthusiasm in my later art was drowned out because I ended up focusing too much on the technical aspect of something over letting loose and being fun.

Nothing wrong with wanting to improve. After all, those problems only came to me when I started being serious with art. But I ended up fixating on that. I don’t even think of the ship or characters in the art anymore, I kept focusing on what is wrong on the technical level.

Which is unfortunate. I ended up doing the opposite. I got so caught up with technicality that I lost a lot of my passion.

I realised eventually that it’s better to have flawed artworks and comics instead of not doing them at all for fear of them being “ugly” or imperfect.

Like, this mirror! puppy comic might have a lot of mistakes. The panelling might be off, the pacing too quick in one area, anatomy and proportion mistakes, etc..but that’s okay.

I’ll still post it because it’s better to post something that is not perfect instead of letting the ideas gather dust and not see the light of day.

I’ll never be perfect but I don’t want to waste all these ideas and headcanons.

I will definitely finish all our passion projects! ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨

No more perfectionism procrastination!

—

Anyway, my lack of sleep is catching up as I type this, lol.

I’ll continue with my blabber tomorrow.