I apologise if my last post was dreary. ^^;;>

I suffer from depression and anxiety and last week was just marked with terrible episodes where I felt awfully numb and cold to life. ‘Just wondering what my existence means and if people would care, lol.

I know it’s emo or “cliche” but it’s the feeling of having nothing and no one to live for that made me have such self-destructive thoughts. What is the point of living then if that is the case?

Anyway, those stuff aside, I think I’m doing slightly better since yesterday. (Thank you to those who commented in my last post here, I’ll reply tomorrow since it’s late and I’m tired right now, lol.)

I bought two books on stoicism, mainly Seneca’s On the Shortness of Life and Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations. I’ve read articles/blog posts and forums on stoicism so I know the gist of the philosophy and the summary of its core values but I thought that I could learn more from reading the writings/journals of two of the most iconic stoic philosophers. Someone recommended reading those books when life is giving me the lemons and even though I’m in the first few pages of Seneca’s book, it managed to be straightforward and motivating.

I was also doing some anatomy studies today because I cringed with my baby sling drawing in terms of anatomy and proportion. It was a light doodle but even then, my anatomy should have been decent but no. ugh.

Aside from anatomy and proportion studies, I was sketching the remaining commissions I have and reading books, analysing art books I bought before because illustration has been my bane and weakness lately. Doing commissions helped me a lot acting like a “refresher course” in illustration which I’m very thankful for but I still have to improve more on illustration-making. Ever since I delved into fancomics in late 2016 or was it 2017? I don’t know which year but something 2016-2018, I became really rusty in illustrations as a whole. I produced more doujins/comics but neglected so much of the illustration side.

Rin told me I had a problem with balancing these two. According to her, it seemed I was very heavy on the comics so my illustration skills are quite rusty. Now that I’m going heavy on illustration, my comic skills will rust too. It’s a matter of balancing the two and that I should have certain days for illustrations or doodles, days for comics and days also for buffers and studies (transitioning).

I agree. ORZ

Unfortunately, I really suck when it comes to “balancing stuff” in general. But I will try her advice this week. (Thanks Rin <333). Aside from some commission to do this weekend, I also have a p!citron chibi comic to draw too so..commission and some doodle and then comic after.

gah, I have so much more to say but my eyes are so heavy and I’m dead tired. Sorry if my post is sloppy and quite unintelligible. I’ll probably regret writing this when I wake up tomorrow morning, lol.

I’ll write and draw more tomorrow. Goodnight.

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