Some storyboard of a future comic strip featuring my OTP. <333 (I miss drawing them so much!)

I censored the screen and speech balloons to avoid spoilers lol but it’s obviously a gag comic. I’ve been opting for a B6 Midori notebook, I find that the smaller notebook, the better and easier the flow of thoughts especially when it comes to thumbnailing for future comics/doujins.

When I was looking through my old works, specifically from 2009 up to 2019, I realised how chaotic and messy I was when it came to drawing. I only started having “fixed” sketchbooks when my laptop broke down in 2017. And by fixed I mean, drawing on a sketchbook consistently and less sloppy when it came to the sketch positions and placement in a page.

At that time, I had been relying so much on digital drawing, I had barely done anything traditional so having to transition to that style was very confusing and new to me. I found out artists had all that fancy schmancy sketchbook tours and kept a nice, quality sketchbook where all those ~pretty~ artworks are drawn onto. Not all artists of course, sketchbook tours on youtube often perpetuate this toxic idea that sketchbooks are meant to have pretty polished pictures instead of messy sketches which are what sketchbooks are technically for. ( I often tell Rin that these people should call those portfolio-like sketchbooks as “Portfolio book tours” instead because calling it sketchbook tours is very misleading especially to beginner artists. )

Anyway, I sidetracked with that rant haha, I swear that is such a huge pet peeve of mine but yeah, I think 2014 was the last time I did anything traditional in such a way I utilised something more than a ballpoint pen and some markers when my laptop died.

Here are samples of my old works:

So these are samples of my 2013 sketchbook. Very sloppy and chaotic and unfinished as fuck, lol. But that was how my sketchbooks were at that time.

(I actually have a private wordpress blog filled with my old works from 2009 up to 2014. I know I’m a blog whore but I made that because I was decluttering my digital files in my family’s old windows vista computer which was about to cop out, as well as my old sketchbooks taking so much space in my room. I needed a place where I can post them in case USBs and computers break down. And that would be the net. At least it’ll be safe on the internet and in blog version too. I can visit it if I want to re-draw something. I don’t want to publicize it atm because they’re very embarrassing to look at, haha. )

I wasn’t serious with drawing at all during this time. From 2009 up to 2014, before joining tumblr fandom, I was just drawing stuff without any care. I had school, I had problems irl and duties and drawing random blobs seemed to be my hobby during my spare time. _{I had a deviantart from 2009 to 2010 but even then, I didn’t even post as much. I think I only posted 12 artworks there in a span of two years and in two accounts too, lol. (I transferred accounts.)}

I drew whatever I felt like. Yeah, I wanted to be a good artist but it was mostly a dream not a goal, haha.

“It would be nice to be a good artist.” not “I want and will work my way to be a good artist.”

I really don’t know what was wrong with me during that time. Perhaps, I had different interests back then. Or it was just me going wherever the wind takes me. All I did was just lurk on different artists’ accounts, websites and read fanfiction (and erotic manga), lmao.

It makes me sad thinking about it, though. I remember those years and I regret not being proactive with improving my art during that time. I wonder…if I had been determined to be a better artist during those years, my skills as of this moment would be pro-level or something near that by now, won’t it?

Then again, that’s overestimating myself to even be on par with art station artists, lol.

Rin told me it’s normal to experience that though. Most people don’t know it all from the start. It’s a process. And that is true.

From 2017 up to 2019..and even until now, I’m still dabbling with different traditional tools. 2017-2019 would be mostly using markers and coloured pencils while 2020 would be my start with watercolouring. And I’m still practicing with them since I’m an amateur.

(I was looking through my 2017-2019 sketchbooks as well, and boy…don’t get me started on the proportions, haha. Makes me happy flipping through them though tbh. Can’t believe it’s been 3-4 years, damn. )

I can’t say for sure when I’ll be fully satisfied with my skills. I know that never happens to most artists because we always see the flaws of our work but I hopefully have improved.

Ever since I joined a fandom actively, it helped me and gave me fuel to actually become serious with drawing (started doing art studies in late 2015) and bettering my skills compared to those “blunder” years where I was downright passive and unambitious.

I know I’ll never be where I want to be but I will still continuously strive to be better than I used to be.

ALSO

It’s so late gah. As usual, if this sounds incoherent, I’m sorry. I jsut wanted to let this out. ORZ..late at night.