I’m a turtle

September 29, 2021September 29, 2021 / Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

I’ve been easing myself back into making comics again, and ohhh boy, am I such a turtle when it comes to making comics, lol.

I’ve become slower than the usual. And I know that’s me being too hard on myself because it’s a short coloured comic strip but even so, there are webtoon artists there who finish full coloured and cel-shaded comic chapters in just a week…..

…Hence, why I can’t make full coloured webtoon stories, haha. I’m very slow. :’D

That, and I’ve been spending less time with comic making in a day compared to before. It’s not that I’m losing interest or passion in making doujins/fancomics or being lazy (hell no) but I want to spend more time with my loved ones and pets especially one of my dogs who has been with me for thirteen years. (My baby’s a preteen<3)

This may seem sappy and depressing but the recent deaths of my relatives, family friends, neighbours, former classmates, teachers, etc, (even internet artists) made me realise how life is very short and how unpredictable death is. it’s funny because when I was a child and a teen, I was super naive. Life seemed so long, static; I thought we’re all going to be forever young and carefree la-dee-da and then all of a sudden, death comes knocking on my loved ones’ door and takes them.

Reality had punched me in the gut. hard.

It could be a trauma of mine perhaps?

The pandemic didn’t help of course. I knew people who lost their family and relatives from COVID. My dad and doctor had COVID. It was so damn chaotic and stressful. The past two years has been terrible for my mental health that I decided to write and draw on a journal/daily planner as some sort of therapy last year. It worked a bit….with antidepressants. (Journaling also a good way to chronicle life and dumb random thoughts under quarantine/during the pandemic .)

Anyway, I hope this doesn’t come across as selfish or lazy. ^^;;

I do want to finish all the comics as soon as possible but I also want to spend time with my loved ones during spare time, if that makes any sense?

TLDR; time management is key to finishing comics and spending time with loved ones. I want to do both.

I’ll be replying to the comments tomorrow, heh. It’s late at night and I should be sleeping, gah.

Goodnight.

Back

September 27, 2021 / Ayana / 2 Comments

Hi.

I spent a few days reading on some anatomy and values and learned a few things specifically on muscles.

I remember having had to memorise all kinds of muscles and organs back at Uni but they weren’t human muscles, it was more on animal muscles which bored the heck out of me, lol. To add fuel to the fire, we also had to memorise the OIA (Origin, Insertion, Action) of each and every superficial and deep muscles. It was such a pain in the arse to study for that I ended up forgetting almost everything right after the exams were done, haha.

Ahh…the pitfalls of rote learning.

Thankfully, some animals share almost the same structure as humans so it was easier to refresh my memory with the muscle names such as deltoids, biceps brachii, rectus abdominis, etc. The same thing goes with the bones, tendons and joints. It’s such a shame I started getting more fond of anatomy only this year. Perhaps not having an impending academic “fill in the blanks” exam about it helps, lol.

But yes, I’ve spent the weekend memorising the muscles of the neck, frontal torso, back torso, legs and arms. I’m still not proficient with the arm and leg muscles so that’s a goal I need to finish by the end of this weekend. ^^

Anyway,

I’ll be resuming with drawing and posting this week. I apologise for being rather inactive for the past two weeks ORZ. I wanted to spend some time improving my skills so I could make better art and comics in the future and that would need a lil’ time off for sef-studying.

The problem is I have so many ideas I want to draw, but I’m so overwhelmed that I don’t know where to start, gah. Should I start with x comic or y comic, or maybe Z illustration?

hmmm….

Ah well. I’ll think about it tomorrow.

Goodnight. ❤

September 23, 2021September 23, 2021 / Ayana / Leave a comment

Lol, I can’t believe I wrote about my PMS mood swings the other night, :’D

Anyway,

I think I’ll still be taking a social media break up until this Sunday since I have some planning, drafting, and anatomy studies to do this week. ^^ (That, and revisioning a commission.)

Anatomy, composition and values are my huge weaknesses so I thought aside from only revisioning the commission, I could dedicate a few days to also focus on evaluating and bettering my skills.

Crying

September 21, 2021 / Ayana / 5 Comments

Hello.

I was very preoccupied physically and mentally last week due to rl crap and today I ended up breaking down over the fact that death will inevitably come to us all and I don’t know how to cope once people I love start to die one by one the older I get.

(CW: death, depression?)

Continue reading →

Socmed week break

September 13, 2021 / Ayana / 1 Comment

Hello.

I won’t be posting anything on my twitter and tumblr for this week since I’ll be finishing a commission and taking a break from social media things that are overwhelming, lol.

I’ll still be posting here on WordPress this week but only uninteresting text posts like my musings and reflections so there’s not much anybody will miss, lol.

I find it ironic though. I remember a few years ago, I’d be anxious that people will end up ditching me and I’ll have to buy my place in the fandom; constantly having to get attention or else I’ll fade into obscurity but now, I feel good with being like a nobody, lol.

Of course I’m extremely grateful for my followers and I need some income with commissions and ko-fi stuff but what I mean is, it’s therapeutic and relaxing to not have many eyes on you from time to time.

Continue reading →

September 10, 2021 / Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

I wasn’t feeling well yesterday and this morning so I lost my drawing momentum this week. 😦

I had a bad headache and fatigue yesterday. It was that kind of fatigue where I couldn’t even open my eyes even if I wanted to, ORZ. (very heavy eyes) And this morning, I woke up with my left side hurting quite a bit. It wasn’t unbearable but the pain lasted up until lunchtime.

Aw man, with all the recent body pains I’ve been experiencing since a few weeks ago, I hope it isn’t some serious disease, gah. I still have three more commissions to finish.

Perhaps, I pushed my body too far lately. It reminded me of dad. My mum constantly berates my dad who is a gym rat to stop overexerting himself with cycling and boxing because he’s 60. “You’re not 20 anymore!” she’d scold him while dad ignores her.

I wonder, if that was because dad literally still feels twenty years old? Because I feel the same way too.

I still feel 16 years old even though I’m twenty plus years old. I mean, obviously, I’m not immature (well now hopefully lol), I try to better myself. Like, back then I used to involve myself in dramas and act like an edgy twat but now I just ignore stuff that doesn’t concern me and try to be kinder and more polite.

Continue reading →

Redraw from Last Year

September 6, 2021September 6, 2021 / Ayana / Leave a comment

edit: damn i ended up typing archers instead of arches lmao.

I tested a new watercolour paper, Baohong, and it seemed quite decent especially with the blending. Comparable to Arches apparently according to some people but I’ve never tried the latter so I don’t know if it’s true, lol. (Isn’t Arches like the Rolls Royce of watercolour paper?)

But it’s affordable for like, a 100% cotton watercolour paper and I need all the practice sheets since I’m a total amateur with this media. :’D

(gods, where were all these good, quality affordable brands when I was young? lol.

One reason why I didn’t do watercolours as a kid aside from having barely any art class in my school’s curriculum was due to how expensive they were around me when I was a broke af student.)