Hello.
I wasn’t feeling well yesterday and this morning so I lost my drawing momentum this week. 😦
I had a bad headache and fatigue yesterday. It was that kind of fatigue where I couldn’t even open my eyes even if I wanted to, ORZ. (very heavy eyes) And this morning, I woke up with my left side hurting quite a bit. It wasn’t unbearable but the pain lasted up until lunchtime.
Aw man, with all the recent body pains I’ve been experiencing since a few weeks ago, I hope it isn’t some serious disease, gah. I still have three more commissions to finish.
Perhaps, I pushed my body too far lately. It reminded me of dad. My mum constantly berates my dad who is a gym rat to stop overexerting himself with cycling and boxing because he’s 60. “You’re not 20 anymore!” she’d scold him while dad ignores her.
I wonder, if that was because dad literally still feels twenty years old? Because I feel the same way too.
I still feel 16 years old even though I’m twenty plus years old. I mean, obviously, I’m not immature (well now hopefully lol), I try to better myself. Like, back then I used to involve myself in dramas and act like an edgy twat but now I just ignore stuff that doesn’t concern me and try to be kinder and more polite.
Essentially I’m trying to suck less than before if “being better than before” sounds too unrealistic, lol.
But yeah, I still feel 16. I don’t feel 20 plus at all. Time is just so fast. Maybe I’m emotionally stunted?
bleh.
Or maybe I just grew up with this idea of adults having their shit together which currently, I don’t. It doesn’t help my sister keeps mentioning about my classmates from high school and such getting married and having babies.
My sister would ask, “Oh, Millie. Don’t you feel old? We’re at that age where everyone we know are getting engaged, married and having kids.”
Really though? I thought people nowadays got married in their thirties on average not in their twenties?
But anyway, she’d have to tell that shit to me constantly. Everytime she scrolls through her IG and facebook, she’d be making passive aggressive remarks that we should be getting married and having babies in my twenties because we’re “at that age.”
ugh. It makes me feel bad and pressured to do that life script for “adults tm” even though I’ve decided to be childfree since I was 5 years old, lol. And I don’t want to get married, too.
But it still makes me insecure of my decision. Like to prove myself as an adult, I should be getting a mortgage, getting married and having kids?
I don’t even know. Sorry if I’m rambling in circles. But what even is being an adult? what is acting and feeling your age?
/flops/
It’s late at night. Again, I’m sorry if what I wrote doesn’t make sense. It’s past midnight, I should be sleeping.
m i l l i e k o u 