Hello.

I won’t be posting anything on my twitter and tumblr for this week since I’ll be finishing a commission and taking a break from social media things that are overwhelming, lol.

I’ll still be posting here on WordPress this week but only uninteresting text posts like my musings and reflections so there’s not much anybody will miss, lol.

I find it ironic though. I remember a few years ago, I’d be anxious that people will end up ditching me and I’ll have to buy my place in the fandom; constantly having to get attention or else I’ll fade into obscurity but now, I feel good with being like a nobody, lol.

Of course I’m extremely grateful for my followers and I need some income with commissions and ko-fi stuff but what I mean is, it’s therapeutic and relaxing to not have many eyes on you from time to time.

It’s so good to be acknowledged and praised. It does help greatly with motivating me with drawing. It’s also an exciting feeling to get more followers, more likes, etc. The dopamine rush is real to everyone including me but having a number of eyes on me, it is pressuring and can be quite stressful to deal with eventually. ^^;;

That’s one of the many reasons I made a wordpress blog. I know there are a few people following me here and reading my incoherent musings but it’s not as “big” as when I post on tumblr, etc. I feel more free to post illust, comics that I don’t want many to see. Heck, I posted a comic in my comics blog a few weeks ago that I didn’t post anywhere else because it’s a mere self-indulgent artwork. It’s such a cathartic feeling to draw all the stuff I like without many people looking at it.

A person or two seeing those self indulgent art is good enough for me. I like to translate that into real life. For example, it’s like sharing your artwork to one or two friends at a cafeteria or cafe table and that alone makes me smile.

It’s a weird comparison lol but you get the point.

I remember in my school, we weren’t allowed to carry any phones so me and my two friends would print out our digital art (what a waste of ink thinking about it lmao), random sketches, screenshots of ship websites (they were called “fansites” back then ) and put them in a clear folder. I would decorate the cover with stickers of my favourite manga/anime.

One friend who didn’t draw (she was more of a writer and a forum participant) would just print pictures of her anime crushes (and fanart of her ships) and fanfiction she liked and every lunch break at the cafeteria, we’d bring those clear folders along with our lunch, textbooks, etc and share how much we love a certain fanfiction, and praise/tease each other’s art and fic ideas.

Like, yeah, we were only three people in that table talking about art ideas, fanfiction stuff, etc. Nobody else was looking at our art and my other friend’s fanfiction. Just the three of us in our little bubble enjoying lunch and being total fangirling weabs. Cringey as that phase was, it was still a nice moment though. I get kind of teary remembering it, gahh because those were simple but very happy memories.

Anyway, I sidetracked haha. (as always) But what I wanted to say is that there’s also some joy with only me or a friend, a follower or two just seeing that self-indulgent crap I make, lol.

There’s the art I make and post for public social media fandom stuff and there’s also art for only me (and a friend or like two followers) in this little blog. And it’s all good. 🙂