Hello.

Lately, I’ve been enjoying writing down random thoughts and reflections here. It feels like I’ve finally gotten back to serving this wordpress blog’s original purpose, heh. I fell out of the habit of writing down musings a year or two ago due to anxiety but I thought I could write more of my stuff here because it’s not like many people browse this blog and read it anyway so I don’t have anything to lose.

I do apologise if I haven’t posted this week on any of my social media. I overestimated myself, thinking I could whip out a comic in two days but apparently, it took me more than just two days. I’m still in the midst of finishing it, I just need to add the speech balloons and do some level adjustments. And I pray to myself that I can post some art this week.

Anyway,

I’ve been thinking of the hustle culture. Like, everyone I know from family, friends, peers, etc. seem to have such big ambitions and dreams like getting a PhD, a Master’s degree, going into medical school, law school, engineering school, etc, and here I am feeling lost, not knowing what I should do in life and what defining life career I want, haha.

Initially, I was supposed to enter med school but seeing how my sister and other relatives had to be on duty 24/7 and how bad healthcare workers were treated during the pandemic, made me rethink that kind of path. Plus ten or more years of studying, gah. Same with law school, business , engineering stuff. Everything is so full-time, I don’t think I can last long in those fields.

I’m ofc happy for them with their career paths. Good, that it fulfills them (lawyer stuff certainly fulfills my brother’s life) but personally, not one of them gives me any fullfilment.

(though then again, do jobs have to give you fulfillment or is it just naivety? :/)

It doesn’t help my dad is a hustler, a total workaholic. He even said that he’s still going to work after he retires jfc. My siblings and relatives seem to have great ambitions as well since they’re in the STEM and Law field except for one but she is also planning to go into Graduate school.

….

Stuff like these makes me wonder if I was adopted, haha.

Am I going to end up disgracing my family’s name and honour if I don’t choose any of those, I wonder.

I could pursue a career in art but that would take out all the fun with drawing and there’d be tons of competition, gah.

And I know, being in the STEM, law, corporate field makes you financially stable and even rich, hustle more and more so you can afford all those luxuries , buy a house, live the dream, flex at people on how successful you are, and comes the prestige that comes from being a doctor, lawyer, engineer, ceo, blablablah.

I feel pressured that I have strive to do what they’re doing tbh.

Am I a failure of a human being if I don’t DREAM BIG ^tm?

Am I being lazy?

Is it bad that I just want to live quietly and modestly?

I don’t strive to be as elite as possible. I just want to live on my own terms even if it means just having a regular average job that gives me more time to do some dumb art and other hobbies. I don’t want to waste 5/7 of my life on stuff I don’t give a crap about. Yeah I won’t be rich but I’ll just lessen my consumption and do cheap living. I just want to enjoy my life even though it’s crappy lol.

Especially with corporate stuff. It seems like a scam. Climbing on the corporate ladder, being a slave to the corporate world. Working hard so that you can earn money to keep working hard…

to hustle so much for 40 years and then only have a few years left in frailty and faiing health, to enjoy it…

Why are we fed this crap?

bleh.

Anywho,

I’m sorry if I sounded whiny ORZ. I just wanted to get this out of my system.

sighhhh

Sometimes, I wish I can just transform into a bird, with beautiful wings,

fly to wherever I wanted to go to and

get away from society/everyone, lol.