I’ve been meaning to revamp my blogs specifically this one but it’s a shame most free themes in wordpress are catered to online businesses/commercial blogs, which is fine ofc, that’s the current market as of the past few years but I was hoping to see more 2000s blogger-type themes that are more suited to my site here. (like fc2, blogspot but more compatible with smartphones).
Continue readingMonth: January 2022
hey
I’m still alive, lol.
I’m finally out of my ten day isolation, thank god. ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯
Covid kicked my butt for the past 8 days. I started feeling myself on the 9th day, thankfully. I was expecting it to be a mild cold since my symptoms were just sore throat at first (omicron) but it was far from that especially during my first day of complete isolation. The worst flu of my life so far, srsly.
I was actually already quarantining myself at home four days before testing positive, but after receiving my result , that’s when I went to extreme quarantine/isolation. I was unable to leave my room so it doesn’t spread to anyone or to my dogs, ORZ.
….Quite enough to drive me nuts.
It’s definitely mentally torturous being cooped up in the four corners of the small room for ten straight days. I can’t imagine heavily isolating myself for more than that. （πーπ）
Continue readingCovid
Momentum
Hello.
Today, I’ve been trying to de-rust and regain my drawing momentum after like more than a month of extreme weariness irl. And boyyy, it’s fucking difficult especially when I’m still grieving. I keep getting bouts of crying while drawing, lol.
This one hits much differently than with the deaths of my grandparents especially with the fact that my relative was quite young and was in the midst of their passion project when they caught COVID and died. And as we all know, dying from COVID is a terribly lonely and depressing experience since they’re isolated from the get-go.
It’s depressing when I think about it. Their anxiety, loneliness, having unfinished business…leaving behind a wife and kids….
I often find myself feeling very guilty when I try to be happy or look for ways to distract myself like with drawing, watching comedy videos or playing videogames. It’s actually been almost two months since I opened any game because I thought that enjoying things while my relative was hospitalised (and is now gone) was me being disrepectful and inconsiderate. It’s a weird train of thought I know, but that is how my mind is atm. I’m very conflicted.
Anyway, I apologise if my recent blog posts have just been text updates and me being a sad girl, lol. I am doing my best to resume to regular doodling, don’t worry.^_^b
Updates and NY resolutions.
I was supposed to write this the other day but I had to go back to the countryside (again) to deal with some family matters and to have a grief support group with my cousins and elders. ^^;
My relative’s death is so incredibly devastating to me that I just end up sobbing everytime I see a picture or video of them. The waves are so strong atm.
I often think how unfair it is that they had so much to live for, many passion projects they wanted to see finished only to die so unexpectedly from COVID complications.
Continue readingNew Year
Hello.
I just came back after the funeral at my hometown, and boyyy I’m so wiped out from the grief and constant road trips back and forth.^^;
Pantone chose “very peri” as the colour of 2022 and I could say that was the most apt colour because of a huge loss in our family last weekend and generally, periwinkle or colours in the blue-purple-reds spectrum remind me of gloom and utter melancholy. (which is my mood for the entirety of the year lol)
Anyway,
here’s some art.
I posted this, unpolished and unfinished in some areas because I’m currently not in a good mental state to do polished works so I apologise if there are some errors and messy stuff.
I rarely post artworks that are dedicated for special holidays because I’m often occupied with other art projects and rl tasks but I managed to make one for this year, ironically since I was greeted with such an unfortunate event during the new year.
I don’t think I’ll be happy and celebratory this year due to a very significant loss (I’ll be busy dealing with grief) but I hope you guys enjoy 2022. Here’s to a wonderful new year for you all~ ^_^🥂
I’ll probably make another post to ramble about my New Year’s Resolutions and future projects. (Maybe I’ll write about them tomorrow?)
Grieving
My relative died this weekend. Things had been looking bad for a while, so I was expecting it, but it still hit me very hard. I’ve been crying, thinking about how differently things could have gone if only they’d gone to the hospital earlier, etc.
I’ll need time to grieve. We’ve gone out to the countryside for their funeral, so I’ll be away for a few days with that.At the moment, I’m trying to be comforted knowing that they aren’t suffering anymore; they’re in a better place, without pandemics lol, reunited with grandpa.
I want to get back to drawing, but I think it’ll be a little while before I can. I’ll be back as soon as I’m up to it.
m i l l i e k o u 