Hello.

Today, I’ve been trying to de-rust and regain my drawing momentum after like more than a month of extreme weariness irl. And boyyy, it’s fucking difficult especially when I’m still grieving. I keep getting bouts of crying while drawing, lol.

This one hits much differently than with the deaths of my grandparents especially with the fact that my relative was quite young and was in the midst of their passion project when they caught COVID and died. And as we all know, dying from COVID is a terribly lonely and depressing experience since they’re isolated from the get-go.

It’s depressing when I think about it. Their anxiety, loneliness, having unfinished business…leaving behind a wife and kids….

I often find myself feeling very guilty when I try to be happy or look for ways to distract myself like with drawing, watching comedy videos or playing videogames. It’s actually been almost two months since I opened any game because I thought that enjoying things while my relative was hospitalised (and is now gone) was me being disrepectful and inconsiderate. It’s a weird train of thought I know, but that is how my mind is atm. I’m very conflicted.

Anyway, I apologise if my recent blog posts have just been text updates and me being a sad girl, lol. I am doing my best to resume to regular doodling, don’t worry.^_^b