Backing up old photos and videos are so painful because of having to view and scroll through those that featured my deceased loved ones being alive and well, ORZ
sigh ///
I miss them so much. </3
I ran out of icloud storage today so yeah, I had to back those files up in a hard drive and in a cloud. What a friggin’ hassle. ><
Anyway, I am currently in the midst of finishing the remaining commissions. (rendering can be a pain in the arse). I hope I can finish two by the end of this week. >.<
I spent the entire week mourning the passing of my beloved dog so I apologise if I haven’t replied or posted anything lately. It’s been very difficult to adjust to this new reality without my relative and my pet. I’m still grieving obviously but I’m feeling better than before. I’ve been exercising more and de-rusting with drawing.
I admit, I am super out of practice with drawing. I lost my passion for it after my relative’s death and this loss became worse when my dog died. I even wanted to delete all of my blogs/social media accounts after finishing the remaining commissions. I couldn’t bear to finish the Blood Plus comic or just look at it because I was working on it when I was told that my relative was intubated and in a critical condition. Everytime I see it, I just get flashbacks of that scenario and it pains me when I get those.
I ended up having an existenstial crisis after their deaths. Reflecting on my own mortality and re-examining what I want to do with my life, lol. I’ve been super clingy with my family and other pets, too. I wanted to spend more time with them because….you never know. (aka catastrophic thinking)
Anyway, I tried to de-rust myself with some cheebs. It’s actually more detailed colour-wise. oops
I wanted it to be simplistic, just like a regular messy doodle but I wanted to also do some colouring/painting warmups so I went crazy with glazing and using different tones, values etc, whatever could help me regain my momentum.
I didn’t like the result ORZ. Welp, just need more practice.
So…my dog (my baby girl) crossed over the rainbow bridge last night. I’m utterly devastated by her loss but at the same time, relieved that she’s not in pain anymore.