Erotica & Confessions

I was finally able to get a breakthrough on the commission I was working! 😀

I was stuck on the arms for the past few days which left me super frustrated. Like, I knew something was wrong but couldn’t figure it out. ^^;;>

Thankfully, I was able to find what the mistake was and it was very simple all along, ORZ. (not exactly that simple, I had to redo the entire positions of the arms)

I wanted to actually post the WIP shot here this week but I felt like it would be too repetitive. (It’s the same art)

I’d rather post the finished one instead.

On another note, I was talking to Rin about making some erotica comics (aka smut stuff) two days ago and we had so much fun brainstorming ideas. I think I will use ygo and other fanworks as practice for drawing erotic comics since it (erotic comics) is actually a genre that I didn’t expect I’d like, let alone draw , lol.

There’s so much to learn with anatomy (I have to really improve there) the values and colours which have to be quite saturated and warm , type settings, speech balloons, panelling, etc.

Comics take so much time and it was discouraging to me because I felt like nobody would want to see or read or like them anyway compared to illustrations which are faster to make.

I admit that my interest in making comics /fancomics had been waning for the past few months. I haven’t updated the AUU or started my ygo doujin/fancomics projects this year. Aside from the family tragedies that disrupted my entire routine and left me depressed, I felt as if the time and effort put into it would be a waste.

oh they probably forgot it. what’s the point? No one would enjoy it. All this time I spend and effort I make will amount to nothing in the end.

I feel very guilty for wasting my time on comics esp fancomics. My parents always made sure to guilt trip me about how I spent my time ever since. “.Always spend your time wisely!” They’d say whenever they saw me play videogames or anything deemed by older generations as “not educational” and ofc it’s not rational but it does stick. Esp after the recent deaths, I was experiencing this terrible existential crisis and reflecting on what I was going to do with my life, with my remaining time in this world.

Should I do what society seems as “time-worthy” or should I do what I love regardless of what they think of what I’m doing is “a waste of time”?

It’s very negative, gah. Sorry.

I just chalk it up to mental exhaustion/burnout. I felt bad having that train of thought though so the other day, I decided to read a few of those old comic books/manga laying around on my bookshelves.

Aside from the nostalgic memories that conjure up while reading all of the old manga/comics I have, I ended up remembering why I started with dabbling on comics as a medium in the first place.

Freedom through storytelling.

And realising that reason, helped me become more motivated to make them again. 🙂

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