..

I realised that I have a tendency to self sabotage myself and having this need to justify and explain every little thing.

The other day, I was talking about kinks and fetishes to Rin and we were sharing our most unconventional ones. I felt shameful for sharing my kink which is being..raw during intercourse.

Yep, it is super vanilla compared to the list of kinks I showed Rin but damn, I caught myself having to justify why I like unprotected and raw sex as a kink, lol. Rin told me I didn’t have to reason why I like it. It’s fine to just like it because I find it hot. And she’s right.

I like it because I find it sexy and super hot.

And that’s reason enough.

I don’t need to write out a 1000 word essay on why rawdogging /barebacking/ breeding (?) is a legitimate, morally right kink. I just friggin like it. 😆

I think the same goes ofc with ygo ships. Sometimes I catch myself having to reason out on why I ship citronshipping or deathshipping while I’m drawing them which sometimes holds me back from finishing it because I feel the need to justify why I like such crack ships.

But I love them. I love citron, I love deathship. Do I need to write a friggin essay on why the ship works and how it’s a legit ship? Can’t I just like something because I find it hot and fluffy and has possible moments for chemistry?

The mere sentence of, “I find it hot.” Is enough. Right?

I don’t know what’s wrong with me sometimes, lol.

I’m so fucked in the head. Perhaps it’s being raised by such controlling parents that I have to explain every single thing to them when I used to do something they disapprove of. Or because I’m like a sponge and easily internalise what people say.

Sighhh.

It’s something I need to work on. It’s one of my very toxic habits that I have to get rid of. ^^;;