fem! angst

Hello.

I’m trying to get back again into things. Like experimenting, posting unfinished, rough works and their likes. I struggle too much with perfectionism but I’m slowly letting go of it.

It’s okay to make mistakes and post super rough works.

Here’s one below 😀

full image

It’s not really explicit or graphic. Just a bit of nudity.

(emo rambling ahead.)

It’s sad. I used to have that no fucks given mindset when it came to art back then when I was not as serious with improving my skills. I experimented on colouring on the fly and thought that making mistakes was just part of the process. I didn’t treat them as a failure but as a stepping stone and something that was inevitable since I was merely an amateur. It was what I expected from myself.

But ever since I started taking art seriously, studying on anatomy, proportions composition and other fundamentals, I ended up getting so caught in this trap of perfectionism and extreme self-doubt. That if I posted rough unfinished works, stuff that didn’t adhere to how the great artists made their works, that I was not a good artist. God forbid if people saw my ugly works, right? That by making fanart mostly, I was not a “real” artist. (Impostor syndrome?)

It was very paralysing. I ended up losing passion with drawing or art temporarily because I couldn’t fulfill all the expectations that voice in my head was telling me. I couldn’t do anything for fear of looking like a “fake artist,” an unoriginal and uncreative artist.

It was self-sabotage at its worst.

But as I said in my last blog post, I am doing my best to fight it. I want to draw regardless if I make mistakes or if my drawings turn out shitty-looking. I want to draw fanart because I love the series and characters.

I will pursue my goals and this angst art is a baby step in that right direction.

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