I actually was planning on writing a short apology for being inactive for more than a week but I don’t want to apologise or rather, I don’t think it’s necessary to do so.
I’m trying to tell myself that it’s okay to not post regularly especially during this year since I still have PTSD from what happened to my relative and my beloved baby. It’s not as bad as before but it still lingers. Especially now with my birthday coming up this month I end up going into another existenstial crisis. (Birthday anxiety?)
Man, I remember being so excited for my birthdays because it was the only day where I get presents and be spoiled by my parents. Now, it ends up becoming a trigger for dreadful thoughts, lol.
I’m depressed and anxious af because admittedly, I fear aging and lacking in life. Like, not achieving as much as what’s expected for my age group and all that life script crap.
sigh… I guess the benefit of growing older is maturing and learning more about the world and society.
welp, I managed to get out of my edgy, reactionary phase, at least.
(also its late at night and I’m super dizzy from skipping dinner gah.)
m i l l i e k o u 