It’s funny how I start to feel more productive and more motivated after I clean and arrange my workspace. I never realised how much I let myself go these past few months that I left my room to be so messy and cluttered, gah.

Anyway, I celebrated my birthday a few days ago and I couldn’t help but reflect more on life and if I’m doing something worthwhile.

I ended up thinking that I’ve lost myself this year. I’ve become more anxious, more paranoid with illnesses and bad events that it’s been difficult to focus.

I could definitely say that 2022 has proven to be such a very challenging year so far. I’ve fell behind in a lot of my plans rl and art wise, and I hate myself for it. 8 months already passed by and I don’t have much to show for. It’s pathetic how I’ve let the voice of self doubt and self sabotage ruin everything by telling me whatever I do is meaningless.

There’s this quote by Chuck Palahniuk that summarises my existenstial crisis this year:

“You’re always haunted by the idea you’re wasting your life.”

That quote is what that voice of self doubt tells me. I can’t bring myself to do what I love like I used to because I end up becoming super self conscious about “wasting time” or wasting my life, sigh.

ah well…

maybe drawing p*rn of my ships and OCs can help..hmmm….