Month: December 2022

More than a decade later…

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

So I’ve been editing some scanned photos of my old artworks as I’m decluttering and I realised one of the sketches was Irene.

damn, I’ve always loved her character since, haha.

I was feeling sad seeing those more than a decade old sketchbook images of mine. Thinking about it, my mind during those years must have been so cluttered. The drawing from 2010/11 above has heads on top of heads. Unfinished heads at that, lol.

Gods, was I so disorganised.

I didn’t even put dates on most of my sketches back then, haha. (Hence me being unsure if it was drawn in 2010 or 2011..either of those years) That’s how unserious I was with art.

And yet I compare myself with those artists I see who suddenly had such a big improvement in 1-2 years which led me to feeling more sad than the usual nostalgia sadness because I end up regretting about the years I wasted by not taking art seriously up until I joined the ygo fandom.

But of course, it would be terribly unfair for me to compare myself to those kinds of artists. I don’t know their circumstances.

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giiiiiieee

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Did some sketches of Gie.I have difficulty with hair. ORZ

The anime is very inconsistent with the length of his bangs especially.

lol the serial number tag is on the wrong side. oops.

Such a shame Gie only appears in..1-2 episodes. He showed more personality in those than Haji, who has been in all fifty episodes and still had a personality of a rock. :’D

It’s strange how I ship those two together seeing as I criticise the latter most of the time, hahaha. (I’m referring to how Haji’s written though.)

Was it Gie’s white hair, green eyes and woobie-ness that drew me to him?

The answer is yes.

Also, cuz he’s just soooo god. dang pretty. He makes Saya and Diva look basic, haha.

(I’m not so biased at all. Clearly. )

I seem to have a thing for white-haired characters that like to smile and see the positive in things despite suffering all the time, gah.

Not that I think it’s healthy to do that but yknow, it’s something I could relate to irl,

hey

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Belated Merry Christmas!…^__^

….

And I forgot to draw a Christmas themed artwork again. ORZ

To be fair it’s difficult to feel that Christmas spirit when inflation is biting my arse, lol. I know I’m probably being a killjoy but I can’t be merry when all the prices of food and such are rising and becoming more unaffordable. :/

I do hope people still enjoyed it despite the economic downturn, like being able to be with friends and family and to rest well. I certainly did.

I was quite burnt out from doing commissions continuously this month so I needed some rest to regain my energy and ignite my motivation and passion to draw. Although, I find it difficult to draw something this month.

It’s… a complex of mine, orz.

So since December is the last month of the year, I have this “perfectionist” mindset wherein I become desperate to prove to myself and to others that I improved. So I feel like my drawings for this month should be “perfect” because if it’s not, it would shatter my ego and I would end up in despair by questioning myself.

Did I even improve this year if my December art is not good enough?

Ahhh…

I put so much pressure on myself. I really have to let that bad habit go by next year.

At least I have an art summary to post by tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I did my first art summary last year and I liked it. It’s a good way to evaluate my art in terms of what went wrong, what went right etc. It’s good to have a post discussing about what I learned and what mistakes I observed and got rid of. It’s basically an end of year reflection but for art, haha.

It’s a shame it only took me last year to make one. I’ve just never thought of myself as a “serious artist” after all these years. I barely……never(?) partiicpate in art memes/trends because I ‘ve always been struggling with a bad case of impostor syndrome and anxiety, gah.

And it’s getting late. I’ll blog and draw more tomorrow.

no life

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

yoinks I’m so out of practice with Blood+ characters. I need to practice drawing them again. :/

I’m not in a decent mood atm.

y’know that period when you suddenly cannot draw anything and get so frustrated you want to give up because nothing seems to turn out alright? I’m currently having that . Makes me want to pull my hair out because of all that exasperation, lol.

Anyway the comic was an idea from December 7 in a telegram chat. It’s obviously a spongebob reference but…

this is literally Haji.

I’m not even kidding. This is what he does in canon.

So spoilers under the cut:

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december burnout

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

I’m so tired, ORZ

pardon if I don’t make as much sense here as I’m currently sneezing for the nth time and my brain is so fried.

I want to draw but I can’t seem to do it atm probably because as the title says, I’m burnt out from the past two to three weeks of finishing commissions and other tedious yet hectic tasks. (Christmas stress)

I’ve also been getting a quite severe case of rhinitis since yesterday so it’s very difficult for me to focus and have the energy to do as much as I want to. The nonstop sneezing has made me very mentally fatigued and drowsy. Brain fog, I think? Just feeling hazy all throughout the day, being a total zombie.

ehh…

I’ll rest for this weekend. It’s the holidays so….gotta relax and have fun during those days. Perhaps I can regain more motivation and recharge my batteries through that.

I may draw some Christmas-inspired work after, who knows? (Super rare for me to draw art dedicated to Holiday/Special Occassions because I often forget to make one, lol.)

My family didn’t get to celebrate Christmas and New year last year ‘cuz..of what happened so I’m hoping that it’s a less sombre occassion now. It’s been a very rough year for us since the start of 2022 so I want to be able to be there for my family this Holiday season.

2023…I hope it’s a good year but I’m lowering my expectations for it and for the next millennia, haha…

As the old folks would say, que sera sera or Whatever will happen, will happen.

I’ll just do my best to get closer to my goals and make the stuff I want.

This year was quite a setback ngl, I was struggling with the heavy depression and anxiety that was mostly caused by my existenstial crisis. A crisis that came about after the tragedy so it was tough to be motivated to draw especially when you’re anxious about your reason for existing.

If we all die tomorrow, why should I even draw? what would I be known for? What would have been my life’s purpose? Have I fulfilled my life’s purpose? Am I wasting my life by drawing animu stuff and fangirling over little things and complaining about dumb shit in this blog? What should I do? yadda yadda…

All those emo thoughts ruminating in my head.

I only managed to pick myself up slightly by the end of August.

Welp.

better late than never, I guess.

Atori x Tobi [ Noein ]

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

Sorry for being quite inactive. ^^;;

I was under a lot of stress from last week’s crappy errands, ORZ.

Thinking about it, that high level of stress must have caused the bad cold I had for the entire weekend which led to heavy grogginess. ://

Anyway,

I thought of posting some month old doodles of Atori and Tobi from Noein. I meant to post them last November but I forgot, gah.

Seeing the doodles again after a few weeks made me cringe a bit, haha. They look so off.

I need to get my hand on their settei for referencing their designs because they can be quite inconsistent in the anime. >.<

Nevertheless, they’re my OTP in Noein, lol. They seem to have the same dynamic as deathshipping with Atori (tall blonde) looking so goddamn ugly to me with his crazy facial expressions early in the anime but ended up being so cutesy later on that I got so fond of him, haha. While Tobi is such a precious nerdy creampuff like Ryou.

I can’t believe Tobi’s 21 years old, but knowing the director, Kazuki Akane, he doesn’t think in that kind of way, (thank god)

From what I’ve seen in Noein, (which I finished a week ago) and …

spoiler alert:

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