Rifts

The caffeine withdrawal led to my heavy fatigue today ORZ.

I slept for the entire day today. Thankfully, it’s Sunday so I can kinda excuse myself with it but still, I hate that feeling of being “unproductive”. I know rest days are important but I can’t help feeling that way.^^;;

I always need to be doing something and if I do something for relaxation, I beat myself up because I’m plagued with so much guilt of doing something so “selfish’.”‘ and so “lazy.”

I’m aware all of these are just capitalist brainwashing but it’s so hard to detach myself from that mentality especially when I’ve been indoctrinated with that belief ever since I was little.

Well, just one more day and then I can have coffee again. and I’ll be able to return to my usual productive self, lol.

I know I’m a coffee addict and I am planning to lessen my consumption of it later on but man, having to quit it cold turkey really messed up my brain. I felt like a zombie mindlessly wandering around the place.

Anyway,

Something a bit personal…

I did something quite abrupt but was also in the back of my mind since late last year. I decided to take a temporary break from people to do some self-reflection and self-care. I personally think that when things get more heated than the usual, conversations become stale and boring, or you start getting annoyed at each other’s habits, that’s kind of when you need to take a step back and reassess your relationship.

Because all of the stuff I stated has been happening since last year and tbh, I’m quite fed up with it and I’m sure they are, too. After all, a relationship is a two way street.

I don’t want to permanently break up. I find that decision to be too rash. I think getting some space or a break from each other is the better alternative in my case and is what I did instead.

It still hurts having to do it because were so used to each other and a break is like, a disruption to everything lol but at the same time, maybe hanging out too often was also the cause of these tensions. There can only be so much to talk about when it’s like that.

I do believe that a break is a chance to step back on the relationship and reevaluate it and here’s hoping there’d be a renewed energy and a stronger bond after it.

ALSO reflections. questions. Are we gonna miss each other after this break or not? Are our current values alighed? Are we going to gain new perspectives and understand each other more?

Are there more adjustments to be made or is what’s happening a sign of a relationship where we are naturally drifting apart ?

If nothing improves and things still remain static or worse, then maybe deciding on a break up is the next solution to it, unfortunately. But that is something I’m trying hard to avoid. It is after all, a break not a breakup, lol.

Well…we’ll see in week…

In the meantime, I’m going to focus on myself and my art stuff. Reflect on the relationship, journal and organise. Typical self-care stuff, lol.

TLDR; I need to get my shit together.

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