Month: April 2023

stuck and mirror puppyship talk

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

The past few days have been unexpectedly turbulent and even with today. I was looking forward to drawing stuff this afternoon until some texts came in so I felt demotivated, ugh.

And my sleep wake cycle is all messed up.

Gods, I really wish I was a vampire. I could do with not being out in the sun forever anyway as long as I’m immortal and not having anything like time looming over me.

Also drinking blood doesn’t cost money compared to human food, haha. hmm….imagine how much money you’d save up by being a vampire?

Vampire talk aside,

it’s this mental exhaustion and weariness that has sapped my creative energy and passion. I just want to be able to draw without so many rl tasks and pressures pressing down on me.

ah well.

Anyway, doodling some requests….there were some deathship and citronship requests and im like…Gods, I have too many ideas for them I don’t know what to choose, haha. I end up overwhelming myself for such a simple request.

I literally have to choose over a hundred ideas I listed back in the day, haha. (yep, it’s a whole LOT…and in notebooks too, bahaha.)

I’m currently thinking of one doodle request by a regular commission client so ofc they get the special treatment (wink) about Mirror! Jou getting some love from Mirror! Seto and I kinda wanna doodle an nsfw one. But ofc it’s tumblr so I wanna be cautious and make it semi-nsfw, haha.

I used to like puppyshipping back in the day temporarily and then didnt like it as the years went by. The like was mostly an infatuation to it since Kaiba and Jou are an “opposites attract” kind of couple but the more I looked into it, I personally can’t find a way for their canon versions to love each other naturally. But ofc, I respect people who ship them. I don’t have anything against puppyshippers and I can see the appeal. (And I’m a deathshipper so I can’t judge, haha.)

Mirror puppyshipping was unexpected af though, lol. I think I’ve said this before but Me and Rin just made their mirror selves be close to each other because it was fun, it was ooc and cute to see them get along well compared to canon. And then, we ended up talking about how they deal with class differences and how they both deal with their annoying and obnoxious siblings, all those serious topics for fleshing out their characters ended up as why we started shipping them, haha.

So now. I’m having a dilemma on what kind of “giving love” Mirror! Kaiba would give to Jou. It’s so petty, I know, lol. I have a one track mind so the theme is …it’s obviously something…

...naughty. ( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)

Askbox Doodles Part 1

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

I wasn’t feeling myself yesterday due to well…not being able to sleep properly. I woke up at 3 am and didn’t go back to sleep because the video on the bg was talking about the atrocities of a certain war criminal who’s name starts with Kiss and ends with -er. He is so goddamn despicable from what the video essay mentioned that I got too angry to sleep, haha.

So some fact about me that you didn’t really have to know: I need some videos playing in the bg (usually on my tablet) to lull me to sleep. it’s a method I use to drown out those negative and self loathing thoughts that plague me every night before sleeping, lol.

Only reason I got YT premium, haha.

Just so happens that yesterday, it was some video essay that infuriated me. Usually I get sleepy with other video essays but this one didn’t. It was informative ofc but being angry at 3 am isn’t good. :/

Hmmm. I’ll have to make a more relaxing video playlist dedicated for sleeping.

On a separate note,

I was surprised at the number of requests in my inbox, lol. I thought I’d just get like 1-3 messages.

I would like to emphasise that I won’t draw OCs in the requests. They’re for commissions only. Any fandom is fine for me to doodle, though. I think they’re good for practice. ^^

So first request is…

from Rin, heh. :3

She wanted Monster World! Ryou and Mariku back to back ready to fight some ghastly pokemon-like monsters~

justadudeguy20 asked:

For drawing requests, could you maybe draw Mesprit from Pokemon in the scenario of the example below?

Here~ ^_^

Anonymous asked:

If your still accepting requests, perhaps Mako Tsunami?

Please and thankyou!!! >u< Your arts so gorgeous!

My first time drawing this guy, lol. Sorry if he looks off. And thank you for the praise, anon. 🙂

Askbox prompts and Gie bebe~

/ Ayana / 1 Comment

So today, I posted smth on Tumblr (reposted from Tumblr, lol):

Askbox Doodle Requests

It’s been such a long time since I’ve done this, but how about some doodle prompts/requests? ^_^

I need to derust and let loose like before, so if you have any scribble/doodle request, let me know through my inbox. ❤

I know I’ve seemed very…distant and stoic for the past two years and especially last year, I’ve had so much shit happened irl and been bogged down by them ever since so my mental health suffered heavily.

I sorta recovered this year although I still get some depressive episodes just not as bad as before.

I just write and rant here because I keep a lot of my problems to myself irl and this blog has been my outlet for that. Not super personal but a place where I can just talk about stuff without much filter, haha. I’ve been quite demotivated with sharing a lot of my feelings on tumblr and twitter. Through the years, I’ve gotten less…discursive, performative (?) there due to burnout and anxiety.

I still haven’t changed my avatar on tumblr. it’s still a chibi Ryou that …looks really yellow. I mean wtf I really had such bad skin colour palettes back then, haha. But I like it until now. I’ve gotten so used to seeing that when I post stuff there that it feels off if I change my avatar, haha.

I miss the intimacy back then though. I mean I was a bit of a prick before admittedly and I guess I mellowed out the more I grew up.

(and became so goddamn self conscious which was detrimental. )

Anyway back to the topic, I think this would also be a good idea to let loose, experiment and derust with them being doodles/non-paid work unlike with commissions where I am very serious with the colouring, the anatomy, etc After all, the askbox request stuff I used to do back in the day was for the experimenting and it was fun, lol.

And,

so I could post more and look active, haha.

I’m working on comics and sadly, they take a long time to finish so that could help with not making me look like I died or became apathetic to my followers cuz I’m not those. ^^

So…ask away, anonymous or not~ 🙂

…..

Also, here’s my bebe from Blood+, Gie. <3333

He just appeared in one to two episodes but I love him so much, haha.

Have you ever gotten attached to a minor character? haha.

I love this white haired blorbo~ I can’t find any settei of him, sadly so I just made my own version of a reference doodle for him.

Self harm

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Yo~

I’m going to upload another commission here tomorrow (.:later since it’s like almost 2 am as I’m typing this lol).

I’m currently on the WordPress app in my new phone. I deleted the app from my old phone months ago because I needed storage space (my old phone only had 32 GB) but now, I have more storage with my new one so I downloaded it this week and holy crap, apparently I can only get wp notifications when I download a different app (jetpack) , ugh. Whateven is wp thinking?

Well, at least I can still write and publish blog posts here. Having the mobile wp app can make me blog more things clearly and easily so it’s very convenient. ^^

Anyway, I had a heavy bout of depression since yesterday. It was this feeling of being worthless and unappreciated by people irl , typical personal angst stuff, haha. It sucks being taken for granted and getting my problems dismissed since I was a kid that I was forced to keep everything, all my problems to myself…

…And rant some of them here because people don’t bother to listen, lol.

Continue reading →