It’s June already, need to get my shit together this month! >.<

Some doodles:

Hagi with his long hair

I’ve been listening/watching KoTH again while working on stuff and gods, Stuart Dooley is my lowkey fave, lol. He’s like Hagi with his -_- face and the way he just says the most obvious stuff with his deep voice for someone who’s like…13/14 is hilarious to me. I wanna make more fanart of him next time. :’D

I probably have PTSD or smth because when I rewatched/re-listened to KoTH the other day I got a bit triggered like, ohh..I was enjoying this series a few months before my relative died so it brings some bad memories but ofc KOTH doesn’t deserve any of that.

I also like Dale Gribble despite how crazy he can be sometimes, haha. Problematic fave I guess? (But he’s a good dad though.)

Taking time in art

Quite a depressing week last week, ORZ.

Also, I’ve been thinking…

I seem to improve more with taking my time with drawing, lol.

Such a simple. method but it was something I found great difficulty to do because of a certain….pressure?

the pressure of having to be fast and post everyday or else yknow people are gonna ditch you, or think you’re dead or inactive. It’s a social media phenomenon of having to post a drawing everyday I think?

Obviously this is from personal experience, take note but I still remember my deviant art days and I wouldn’t say dA was a “social media” at least, on how current social media is like. Yeah, it was a social networking site for artists, writers, photographers and their likes but it didn’t have the late stage capitalist culture of what current social media is now if that makes sense?

Because back then, many artists didn’t post frequently. There were artists who did post like almost everyday but it wasn’t something that was the standard. People understood that art took time to make and people were willing to even wait for a monthly artwork of an artist they followed. I surely did.

But now, there’s this huge pressure, be it hobbyist or professional, that you have to post everyday, to constantly make “content” rather than an artwork to be consumed constantly like some commodity.

Many artists give tips that are often along the lines of “DRAW AND POST EVERYDAY.” Which isn’t bad at all but of course, what kind of art exactly will you be posting everyday?

Everyday would lead to burnout and compromising quality mostly.

Not saying that simple, rough doodles aren’t meant to be posted and that only polished good art are the ones that should be online but I’m talking about a problem that is deeper which is this need for instant gratification..which has a load of negative consequences for the art and artist.

Art takes time. That’s how it is. The entire artistic process takes time from introspection to the drawing or painting itself.

and even I succumbed to that pressure.

Part of why my improvement was delayed was because I didn’t take time to reference and double check.

Sometimes until now, like referencing for example takes quite a lot of time and I often just wanna blitz my art, “oh my god I’ll just half ass this and just fucking post this cuz this is taking hours” and in some days I do blitz it but if I wanna improve, I’ll have to be patient even if it means not being as quick as before.

And yes. To anyone still reading my blog, that would mean, less frequent drawings …as of now, sorry. (That’s part of my grinding.)

Doesn’t help when some artists are like:


I mean ofc some artists are that fast and heavily skilled but I often wonder if many who do that lie or exaggerate, lol.

Sketch my ass. I’ve gone on a rant back then about those sketchbook tours and how a lot of ‘‘em are supposed to be titled portfolio sketchbook tours because it’s deceiving and selective . I think the same thing applies here too, same with speed paints, etc.

The problem generally with art is you almost often see the final results so people vastly underestimate how difficult it is (looking at you ai “art”. bros) . And even in Timelapses which are sped up, like the ones I post here make them look like they’ve been produced so quickly when it’s not like that in reality. What ends up happening is having unrealistic expectations and this overemphasis on final results which can become huge drawbacks and foster an unhealthy way of thinking about making art. I experienced the same shit too hence why I’m very critical of those, lol.

I mean srsly, remember the time when sketchbooks were meant to be….for sketches? Like mostly loose sketches and where a lot of mistakes can be seen …because it’s a fucking SKETCHBOOK haha.

Hell, even I’m guilty of doing the same “only showing final results” too. I unfortunately forget to post process pics here due to forgetfulness and anxiety .

Although……writing about this subject…reminded me to post more wips and process pics here.

Anyway, I went on a tangent but yeah, I’m a very impulsive and impatient person so it’s been a pain in the ass to be slower than usual, taking your time has its drawbacks as that would mean seeing more mistakes the longer you work on it.

But I think it gets easier with time. The more familiar I get with referencing and taking my time, the less I need to double check.

Also some draws.

This will be a short comic.
This will also be a short comic, lol.

Ohhh and I dreamt of this scene below the other night haha.

Gods, it was such a nice dream. Rarely do I get my OTPs in my dreams. How I never wanted to wake up, haha.

Why did the delivery man ring the bell. Dude disturbed my fantasies, lol. What was gonna happen next ORZ…

I blame Rin for getting me into this series again after so many years huhuhu. It’s ALL HER FAULT.

And this a ship I only started shipping heavily last year, haha. My otp next to kai and Irene and saya and kaori.

Hagi and Gie or hagie, for short, takes first place this year though, lol.

So many comic projects, so little time, ugh.


I forgot to post this, ORZ.

It’s also one of the series of practice doodles I did on Procreate.

Seeing it after a few days, I can see how it looks off. Rin critiqued one of my artworks recently and she mentioned that I didn’t have a wide range of values and how it looked quite bland when in greyscale and she’s right, gah.

Values are very difficult and something I overlook a lot despite it being a fundamental in art so it’s something I have to practice with more.

Also, This is just some random Mirror! Jou stuff. I still don’t have any “official” designs for him atm but he’s very metrosexual in appearance compared to the canon one and leans more to gothic/punk style (Like Mirror! Ryou) hence why I make sure he has some eyeliner and makeup there, lol.


I was listening to the Rev Left podcast, on one episode regarding mental health and I was struck with what the interviewee mentioned about turning your own struggles into compassion especially for others.

Sometimes I end up wallowing in my misery though, gah.

But I like that idea of helping other people who struggle on the same stuff I had / have been experiencing.

One thing I realize growing up is that there’s no such thing as finding happiness in life and by that, “permanent happiness” in life because these are just fleeting. It’s not good on a long term basis especially since they’re very dependent on external factors /cough/ material wealth/cough/

…And what people generally yearn for is finding meaning in their lives. Like, you go push through with life despite all the stress and adversity when you have a sense of purpose and direction, beyond the transient state of pleasure.

And helping people is one way for me to have that sense of purpose. Turning my own bad experiences as a tool to give way for more connection, empathy and solidarity. ^^

ANYWAY, emo stuff aside, I did another sketch comparison from last year, lol.

I often make art comparisons not as a flex, but it’s a good way for me to reflect on my mistakes, where did I go wrong, what I overlooked, etc.

and how my art style has changed.

GODS, it’s been a while since I drew Ryou, too. Heh. :3

HMMM…so with the 2022 one, the face was very small and the art style is more reminiscent of the 90s and YGO with the small sharp nose and the mouth being too close to it, haha.

He’s a total baby face there., honestly. :”D


I made him look more mature and defined in the 2023 version, haha. OFC I still headcanon Ryou as a soft furby and he still is in my art, but I like where my art style is heading now compared to before?

I still struggle with proportions so I’m obviously gonna find this 2023 cringe next month or so, lol but I want to make characters look more mature in my works. As much as I adore the ygo, inuyasha, 90s /90s-ish art style, I want to add more 2000s and late 2000s influence with my works, haha. Especially artists with the likes of Yana Toboso, Range Murata, Masashi Kishimoto, etc. VNs like Fata Morgana has also inspired my art style lately.

(90s-2000s anime and manga series are the best for me haha Ngl. ESP 2000s haha. )

I used to be an utterly impulsive bitch when it came to talking about art styles come to think of it. I sounded like some rigid and stiff Victorian lady in one of my old posts, gahhh. I’m so sorry. ORZ

I tended to judge people and things so hastily back then and it’s still something I catch myself doing from time to time and currently trying to curb that shite but I can say this for sure, from my experience, as the years go by and more influences come in, art styles…change. As much as there is a distinct style for certain artists, it doesn’t remain stationary imho.

Even with YGO for example since that was mostly what I drew all these years, haha. Seeing how Takahashi’s style changed from when he was working on the manga in SJ vs his latest works especially in the later art book. It’s remarkable. It is proof that yeah he improved but also, his art style developed into something different. ( it’s also softer rather than the pointy ones in his original manga. )

Regardless, that is also something I need to take note of. I end up becoming too dogmatic and stubborn to the point it hinders my development.

Ah well,

it’s late I should sleep, gah.


a shrine for my baby

“But I wish…that I could’ve walked in the sun…with my head held high.”

TT ^ TT ///weeps///

My bebe, Gie…totally alive in my postcanon au, lol.

also some scribbly comics I made in Procreate:

Having an Ipad for digital drawing is really convenient especialy for simple doodles, gah. It’s a shame I got too frugal to get one early on. (I mean, with its price, you can’t blame me, lol. “I already had an Ipad, why do I need a new one?” I kept telling myself that.)

Hopefully my productivity with doodling will increase due to its portability. Pocreate is such a nifty art app especially since I use it for loose sketches mostly.

I really hope it doesn’t end up like CSP with its subscription based service although that’s just being too unrealistic, lol.

I think I mentioned this before? Sorry if im repetitive but I started developing a complex of having every artwork looking polished or decent enough to post here when I started doing commissions two years ago because at that time, i lacked a lot of good artworks to put on my commissions website/ promotional page and so I ended up overcompensating, haha. I wanted to have enough “good” artworks to post instead of those rough sketches and doodles from back then.

I have a very polarised way of performing tasks it’s frustrating, ORZ.

I’ve been slowly letting go of that since early this year though.

Since the ipad and procreate aren’t as powerful as CSP and wacom/huion when it comes to detailed artworks/comics (imho), I’m forced to treat it as a more mundane tool for my digital works specifically for experimental and loose sketching. It can help curb more of that self sabotaging complex of mine.

Askbox Doodles Part 1


I wasn’t feeling myself yesterday due to well…not being able to sleep properly. I woke up at 3 am and didn’t go back to sleep because the video on the bg was talking about the atrocities of a certain war criminal who’s name starts with Kiss and ends with -er. He is so goddamn despicable from what the video essay mentioned that I got too angry to sleep, haha.

So some fact about me that you didn’t really have to know: I need some videos playing in the bg (usually on my tablet) to lull me to sleep. it’s a method I use to drown out those negative and self loathing thoughts that plague me every night before sleeping, lol.

Only reason I got YT premium, haha.

Just so happens that yesterday, it was some video essay that infuriated me. Usually I get sleepy with other video essays but this one didn’t. It was informative ofc but being angry at 3 am isn’t good. :/

Hmmm. I’ll have to make a more relaxing video playlist dedicated for sleeping.

On a separate note,

I was surprised at the number of requests in my inbox, lol. I thought I’d just get like 1-3 messages.

I would like to emphasise that I won’t draw OCs in the requests. They’re for commissions only. Any fandom is fine for me to doodle, though. I think they’re good for practice. ^^

So first request is…

from Rin, heh. :3

She wanted Monster World! Ryou and Mariku back to back ready to fight some ghastly pokemon-like monsters~

justadudeguy20 asked:

For drawing requests, could you maybe draw Mesprit from Pokemon in the scenario of the example below?

Here~ ^_^

Anonymous asked:

If your still accepting requests, perhaps Mako Tsunami?

Please and thankyou!!! >u< Your arts so gorgeous!

My first time drawing this guy, lol. Sorry if he looks off. And thank you for the praise, anon. 🙂

Askbox prompts and Gie bebe~

So today, I posted smth on Tumblr (reposted from Tumblr, lol):

Askbox Doodle Requests

It’s been such a long time since I’ve done this, but how about some doodle prompts/requests? ^_^

I need to derust and let loose like before, so if you have any scribble/doodle request, let me know through my inbox. ❤

I know I’ve seemed very…distant and stoic for the past two years and especially last year, I’ve had so much shit happened irl and been bogged down by them ever since so my mental health suffered heavily.

I sorta recovered this year although I still get some depressive episodes just not as bad as before.

I just write and rant here because I keep a lot of my problems to myself irl and this blog has been my outlet for that. Not super personal but a place where I can just talk about stuff without much filter, haha. I’ve been quite demotivated with sharing a lot of my feelings on tumblr and twitter. Through the years, I’ve gotten less…discursive, performative (?) there due to burnout and anxiety.

I still haven’t changed my avatar on tumblr. it’s still a chibi Ryou that …looks really yellow. I mean wtf I really had such bad skin colour palettes back then, haha. But I like it until now. I’ve gotten so used to seeing that when I post stuff there that it feels off if I change my avatar, haha.

I miss the intimacy back then though. I mean I was a bit of a prick before admittedly and I guess I mellowed out the more I grew up.

(and became so goddamn self conscious which was detrimental. )

Anyway back to the topic, I think this would also be a good idea to let loose, experiment and derust with them being doodles/non-paid work unlike with commissions where I am very serious with the colouring, the anatomy, etc After all, the askbox request stuff I used to do back in the day was for the experimenting and it was fun, lol.


so I could post more and look active, haha.

I’m working on comics and sadly, they take a long time to finish so that could help with not making me look like I died or became apathetic to my followers cuz I’m not those. ^^

So…ask away, anonymous or not~ 🙂


Also, here’s my bebe from Blood+, Gie. <3333

He just appeared in one to two episodes but I love him so much, haha.

Have you ever gotten attached to a minor character? haha.

I love this white haired blorbo~ I can’t find any settei of him, sadly so I just made my own version of a reference doodle for him.