It’s June already, need to get my shit together this month! >.<
Hagi with his long hair
I’ve been listening/watching KoTH again while working on stuff and gods, Stuart Dooley is my lowkey fave, lol. He’s like Hagi with his -_- face and the way he just says the most obvious stuff with his deep voice for someone who’s like…13/14 is hilarious to me. I wanna make more fanart of him next time. :’D
I probably have PTSD or smth because when I rewatched/re-listened to KoTH the other day I got a bit triggered like, ohh..I was enjoying this series a few months before my relative died so it brings some bad memories but ofc KOTH doesn’t deserve any of that.
I also like Dale Gribble despite how crazy he can be sometimes, haha. Problematic fave I guess? (But he’s a good dad though.)
I seem to improve more with taking my time with drawing, lol.
Such a simple. method but it was something I found great difficulty to do because of a certain….pressure?
the pressure of having to be fast and post everyday or else yknow people are gonna ditch you, or think you’re dead or inactive. It’s a social media phenomenon of having to post a drawing everyday I think?
Obviously this is from personal experience, take note but I still remember my deviant art days and I wouldn’t say dA was a “social media” at least, on how current social media is like. Yeah, it was a social networking site for artists, writers, photographers and their likes but it didn’t have the late stage capitalist culture of what current social media is now if that makes sense?
Because back then, many artists didn’t post frequently. There were artists who did post like almost everyday but it wasn’t something that was the standard. People understood that art took time to make and people were willing to even wait for a monthly artwork of an artist they followed. I surely did.
But now, there’s this huge pressure, be it hobbyist or professional, that you have to post everyday, to constantly make “content” rather than an artwork to be consumed constantly like some commodity.
Many artists give tips that are often along the lines of “DRAW AND POST EVERYDAY.” Which isn’t bad at all but of course, what kind of art exactly will you be posting everyday?
Everyday would lead to burnout and compromising quality mostly.
Not saying that simple, rough doodles aren’t meant to be posted and that only polished good art are the ones that should be online but I’m talking about a problem that is deeper which is this need for instant gratification..which has a load of negative consequences for the art and artist.
Art takes time. That’s how it is. The entire artistic process takes time from introspection to the drawing or painting itself.
and even I succumbed to that pressure.
Part of why my improvement was delayed was because I didn’t take time to reference and double check.
Sometimes until now, like referencing for example takes quite a lot of time and I often just wanna blitz my art, “oh my god I’ll just half ass this and just fucking post this cuz this is taking hours” and in some days I do blitz it but if I wanna improve, I’ll have to be patient even if it means not being as quick as before.
And yes. To anyone still reading my blog, that would mean, less frequent drawings …as of now, sorry. (That’s part of my grinding.)
Doesn’t help when some artists are like:
I mean ofc some artists are that fast and heavily skilled but I often wonder if many who do that lie or exaggerate, lol.
Sketch my ass. I’ve gone on a rant back then about those sketchbook tours and how a lot of ‘‘em are supposed to be titled portfolio sketchbook tours because it’s deceiving and selective . I think the same thing applies here too, same with speed paints, etc.
The problem generally with art is you almost often see the final results so people vastly underestimate how difficult it is (looking at you ai “art”. bros) . And even in Timelapses which are sped up, like the ones I post here make them look like they’ve been produced so quickly when it’s not like that in reality. What ends up happening is having unrealistic expectations and this overemphasis on final results which can become huge drawbacks and foster an unhealthy way of thinking about making art. I experienced the same shit too hence why I’m very critical of those, lol.
I mean srsly, remember the time when sketchbooks were meant to be….for sketches? Like mostly loose sketches and where a lot of mistakes can be seen …because it’s a fucking SKETCHBOOK haha.
Hell, even I’m guilty of doing the same “only showing final results” too. I unfortunately forget to post process pics here due to forgetfulness and anxiety .
Although……writing about this subject…reminded me to post more wips and process pics here.
Anyway, I went on a tangent but yeah, I’m a very impulsive and impatient person so it’s been a pain in the ass to be slower than usual, taking your time has its drawbacks as that would mean seeing more mistakes the longer you work on it.
ButI think it gets easier with time. The more familiar I get with referencing and taking my time, the less I need to double check.
Also some draws.
Ohhh and I dreamt of this scene below the other night haha.
Gods, it was such a nice dream. Rarely do I get my OTPs in my dreams. How I never wanted to wake up, haha.
Why did the delivery man ring the bell. Dude disturbed my fantasies, lol. What was gonna happen next ORZ…
I blame Rin for getting me into this series again after so many years huhuhu. It’s ALL HER FAULT.
And this ship..is a ship I only started shipping heavily last year, haha. My otp next to kai and Irene and saya and kaori.
Hagi and Gie or hagie, for short, takes first place this year though, lol.
I got too heated in one post that I just privated it, lol. I thought I could repost it someday but with a better tone and no typo error. :’D
It’ll stay there in my privated stuff for the meantime.
Anyway, the weather has been unpredictable lately. I mean it rained the other day which was good I thought, we need some cooling but then rain didn’t do shit with the temperature. It was actually more humid right after it rained, ugh. (And it rained for just like 2 minutes too.)
So far it’s still scorching hot. I nearly got a heat stroke last week so..welp. need to hydrate more than the usual.
Ppl generalize that countries that receive a lot of sunshine are happier but it’s pretty much doing the opposite to me, it’s making me more hot tempered and frustrated, lol.
And lethargic! The heat ruins the heck out of your productivity.
I was listening to the Rev Left podcast, on one episode regarding mental health and I was struck with what the interviewee mentioned about turning your own struggles into compassion especially for others.
Sometimes I end up wallowing in my misery though, gah.
But I like that idea of helping other people who struggle on the same stuff I had / have been experiencing.
One thing I realize growing up is that there’s no such thing as finding happiness in life and by that, “permanent happiness” in life because these are just fleeting. It’s not good on a long term basis especially since they’re very dependent on external factors /cough/ material wealth/cough/
…And what people generally yearn for is finding meaning in their lives. Like, you go push through with life despite all the stress and adversity when you have a sense of purpose and direction, beyond the transient state of pleasure.
And helping people is one way for me to have that sense of purpose. Turning my own bad experiences as a tool to give way for more connection, empathy and solidarity. ^^
ANYWAY, emo stuff aside, I did another sketch comparison from last year, lol.
I often make art comparisons not as a flex, but it’s a good way for me to reflect on my mistakes, where did I go wrong, what I overlooked, etc.
and how my art style has changed.
GODS, it’s been a while since I drew Ryou, too. Heh. :3
HMMM…so with the 2022 one, the face was very small and the art style is more reminiscent of the 90s and YGO with the small sharp nose and the mouth being too close to it, haha.
He’s a total baby face there., honestly. :”D
I made him look more mature and defined in the 2023 version, haha. OFC I still headcanon Ryou as a soft furby and he still is in my art, but I like where my art style is heading now compared to before?
I still struggle with proportions so I’m obviously gonna find this 2023 cringe next month or so, lol but I want to make characters look more mature in my works. As much as I adore the ygo, inuyasha, 90s /90s-ish art style, I want to add more 2000s and late 2000s influence with my works, haha. Especially artists with the likes of Yana Toboso, Range Murata, Masashi Kishimoto, etc. VNs like Fata Morgana has also inspired my art style lately.
(90s-2000s anime and manga series are the best for me haha Ngl. ESP 2000s haha. )
I used to be an utterly impulsive bitch when it came to talking about art styles come to think of it. I sounded like some rigid and stiff Victorian lady in one of my old posts, gahhh. I’m so sorry. ORZ
I tended to judge people and things so hastily back then and it’s still something I catch myself doing from time to time and currently trying to curb that shite but I can say this for sure, from my experience, as the years go by and more influences come in, art styles…change. As much as there is a distinct style for certain artists, it doesn’t remain stationary imho.
Even with YGO for example since that was mostly what I drew all these years, haha. Seeing how Takahashi’s style changed from when he was working on the manga in SJ vs his latest works especially in the later art book. It’s remarkable. It is proof that yeah he improved but also, his art style developed into something different. ( it’s also softer rather than the pointy ones in his original manga. )
Regardless, that is also something I need to take note of. I end up becoming too dogmatic and stubborn to the point it hinders my development.
The past few days have been unexpectedly turbulent and even with today. I was looking forward to drawing stuff this afternoon until some texts came in so I felt demotivated, ugh.
And my sleep wake cycle is all messed up.
Gods, I really wish I was a vampire. I could do with not being out in the sun forever anyway as long as I’m immortal and not having anything like time looming over me.
Also drinking blood doesn’t cost money compared to human food, haha. hmm….imagine how much money you’d save up by being a vampire?
Vampire talk aside,
it’s this mental exhaustion and weariness that has sapped my creative energy and passion. I just want to be able to draw without so many rl tasks and pressures pressing down on me.
Anyway, doodling some requests….there were some deathship and citronship requests and im like…Gods, I have too many ideas for them I don’t know what to choose, haha. I end up overwhelming myself for such a simple request.
I literally have to choose over a hundred ideas I listed back in the day, haha. (yep, it’s a whole LOT…and in notebooks too, bahaha.)
I’m currently thinking of one doodle request by a regular commission client so ofc they get the special treatment (wink) about Mirror! Jou getting some love from Mirror! Seto and I kinda wanna doodle an nsfw one. But ofc it’s tumblr so I wanna be cautious and make it semi-nsfw, haha.
I used to like puppyshipping back in the day temporarily and then didnt like it as the years went by. The like was mostly an infatuation to it since Kaiba and Jou are an “opposites attract” kind of couple but the more I looked into it, I personally can’t find a way for their canon versions to love each other naturally. But ofc, I respect people who ship them. I don’t have anything against puppyshippers and I can see the appeal. (And I’m a deathshipper so I can’t judge, haha.)
Mirror puppyshipping was unexpected af though, lol. I think I’ve said this before but Me and Rin just made their mirror selves be close to each other because it was fun, it was ooc and cute to see them get along well compared to canon. And then, we ended up talking about how they deal with class differences and how they both deal with their annoying and obnoxious siblings, all those serious topics for fleshing out their characters ended up as why we started shipping them, haha.
So now. I’m having a dilemma on what kind of “giving love” Mirror! Kaiba would give to Jou. It’s so petty, I know, lol. I have a one track mind so the theme is …it’s obviously something…
I wasn’t feeling myself yesterday due to well…not being able to sleep properly. I woke up at 3 am and didn’t go back to sleep because the video on the bg was talking about the atrocities of a certain war criminal who’s name starts with Kiss and ends with -er. He is so goddamn despicable from what the video essay mentioned that I got too angry to sleep, haha.
So some fact about me that you didn’t really have to know: I need some videos playing in the bg (usually on my tablet) to lull me to sleep. it’s a method I use to drown out those negative and self loathing thoughts that plague me every night before sleeping, lol.
Only reason I got YT premium, haha.
Just so happens that yesterday, it was some video essay that infuriated me. Usually I get sleepy with other video essays but this one didn’t. It was informative ofc but being angry at 3 am isn’t good.
Hmmm. I’ll have to make a more relaxing video playlist dedicated for sleeping.
On a separate note,
I was surprised at the number of requests in my inbox, lol. I thought I’d just get like 1-3 messages.
I would like to emphasise that I won’t draw OCs in the requests. They’re for commissions only. Any fandom is fine for me to doodle, though. I think they’re good for practice. ^^
So first request is…
from Rin, heh. :3
She wanted Monster World! Ryou and Mariku back to back ready to fight some ghastly pokemon-like monsters~
For drawing requests, could you maybe draw Mesprit from Pokemon in the scenario of the example below?
If your still accepting requests, perhaps Mako Tsunami?
Please and thankyou!!! >u< Your arts so gorgeous!
My first time drawing this guy, lol. Sorry if he looks off. And thank you for the praise, anon. 🙂
So today, I posted smth on Tumblr (reposted from Tumblr, lol):
Askbox Doodle Requests
It’s been such a long time since I’ve done this, but how about some doodle prompts/requests? ^_^
I need to derust and let loose like before, so if you have any scribble/doodle request, let me know through my inbox. ❤
I know I’ve seemed very…distant and stoic for the past two years and especially last year, I’ve had so much shit happened irl and been bogged down by them ever since so my mental health suffered heavily.
I sorta recovered this year although I still get some depressive episodes just not as bad as before.
I just write and rant here because I keep a lot of my problems to myself irl and this blog has been my outlet for that. Not super personal but a place where I can just talk about stuff without much filter, haha. I’ve been quite demotivated with sharing a lot of my feelings on tumblr and twitter. Through the years, I’ve gotten less…discursive, performative (?) there due to burnout and anxiety.
I still haven’t changed my avatar on tumblr. it’s still a chibi Ryou that …looks really yellow. I mean wtf I really had such bad skin colour palettes back then, haha. But I like it until now. I’ve gotten so used to seeing that when I post stuff there that it feels off if I change my avatar, haha.
I miss the intimacy back then though. I mean I was a bit of a prick before admittedly and I guess I mellowed out the more I grew up.
(and became so goddamn self conscious which was detrimental. )
Anyway back to the topic, I think this would also be a good idea to let loose, experiment and derust with them being doodles/non-paid work unlike with commissions where I am very serious with the colouring, the anatomy, etc After all, the askbox request stuff I used to do back in the day was for the experimenting and it was fun, lol.
so I could post more and look active, haha.
I’m working on comics and sadly, they take a long time to finish so that could help with not making me look like I died or became apathetic to my followers cuz I’m not those. ^^
So…ask away, anonymous or not~ 🙂
Also, here’s my bebe from Blood+, Gie. <3333
He just appeared in one to two episodes but I love him so much, haha.
Have you ever gotten attached to a minor character? haha.
I love this white haired blorbo~ I can’t find any settei of him, sadly so I just made my own version of a reference doodle for him.
One of them was having a different technique to “art studies.”
It dawned on me that my approach to art studies was…Not to say that it was wrong but it was ineffectual long term. I felt like my old method of doing it for the past few years, as much as it helped me in some anatomy bits, like muscles, It didn’t really improve my art as much as I’d hope to.
Now ofc I’ll still do figure studies and art warmups but the classic method of art studies I did every weekend generally didn’t prove effective and made me procrastinate more rather than produce more.
Yeah quality over quantity but the method I was fixated with for years begets more perfectionism which leads me to procrastinate because of this compulsion to having to master something before applying. An example would be having to perfect a head before I can actually make an illustration that has the head.
Aside from it encouraging more procrastination, it ends up becoming very tedious. It’s really tiring having to do the same muscular anatomy studies all over again.
So, I changed my approach to a “Study as You Go.” method which was recommended by my partner in crime. It’s doing art studies while working on a piece instead of doing art studies as a separate category of drawings and I find it more effective in terms of productivity and increasing skill.
A good example would be….
The hagie comic from the latest post (black and white one).
That was actually an idea from two months ago that I finished this Monday. (It was in the Unfinished folder, haha.)
When I opened it in its wip state from two months ago, I was cringing at how bad my anatomy was, haha.
I know it’s typical of the WIP and the finished product to be this different but this was just from two months ago and I can’t believe that the way I drew the necks were…off.
Not to say that the version from this week is perfect, I can definitely see mistakes there, haha but I learned a whole lot more while doing the “Study as you go” method rather than the classic method I’ve been using since. It didn’t feel tedious and I was actually drawing something and being productive.
It felt good.
The classic art study method is useful in some areas ofc (for practice) and I’m not going to stop doing it.It’s beneficial in a few situations but for now, I think I’ll stick to the new one. The old one led to just more perfectionism anxiety and procrastination. ^^;;
‘Was pretty inactive last week. ‘Sorry about that. ORZ
Good news is, I managed to avoid doomscrolling on twitter, heh.
…..I forgot about my phone having a Screentime limit, bahahaha….
ahh..I’m such a dinosaur.
I didn’t even know it existed. I got so jaded with apple fucking everyone over I thought they’d be too greedy to put a screentime limit feature or something along the likes of that, lol. (I’m so cynical.)
According to the screen time app, I spent about 26 minutes on twitter last week so that’s a big change from two hours two weeks ago.
On a related note, there was this tweet I read from the Elon twat a while ago saying that you can’t be eligible in the for you section (probably the entire algorithm as a whole) if you are not verified starting from April 15. The same requirement is needed to vote in polls all because they can address ai bots swarming the site.
It was irksome to read this morning and quite a strange way of saying that they’re too incompetent to get rid of bots in their own site, lol.
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if we need twitter blue to just access the basic features of twitter like posting a tweet, lol. (or like, there’s only a limit of tweets you can post every week or smth)
11 USD monthly! ‘Such a blatant cashgrab and a great way to kill the platform, Elon, tch.
Personally, I don’t think I’d pay that for a site that doesn’t allow me to curate my feed, and has ads and ..bigotry everywhere. And from my experience with the app since a few months ago, twitter has been crashing more than the usual.