Taking time in art

Quite a depressing week last week, ORZ.

Also, I’ve been thinking…

I seem to improve more with taking my time with drawing, lol.

Such a simple. method but it was something I found great difficulty to do because of a certain….pressure?

the pressure of having to be fast and post everyday or else yknow people are gonna ditch you, or think you’re dead or inactive. It’s a social media phenomenon of having to post a drawing everyday I think?

Obviously this is from personal experience, take note but I still remember my deviant art days and I wouldn’t say dA was a “social media” at least, on how current social media is like. Yeah, it was a social networking site for artists, writers, photographers and their likes but it didn’t have the late stage capitalist culture of what current social media is now if that makes sense?

Because back then, many artists didn’t post frequently. There were artists who did post like almost everyday but it wasn’t something that was the standard. People understood that art took time to make and people were willing to even wait for a monthly artwork of an artist they followed. I surely did.

But now, there’s this huge pressure, be it hobbyist or professional, that you have to post everyday, to constantly make “content” rather than an artwork to be consumed constantly like some commodity.

Many artists give tips that are often along the lines of “DRAW AND POST EVERYDAY.” Which isn’t bad at all but of course, what kind of art exactly will you be posting everyday?

Everyday would lead to burnout and compromising quality mostly.

Not saying that simple, rough doodles aren’t meant to be posted and that only polished good art are the ones that should be online but I’m talking about a problem that is deeper which is this need for instant gratification..which has a load of negative consequences for the art and artist.

Art takes time. That’s how it is. The entire artistic process takes time from introspection to the drawing or painting itself.

and even I succumbed to that pressure.

Part of why my improvement was delayed was because I didn’t take time to reference and double check.

Sometimes until now, like referencing for example takes quite a lot of time and I often just wanna blitz my art, “oh my god I’ll just half ass this and just fucking post this cuz this is taking hours” and in some days I do blitz it but if I wanna improve, I’ll have to be patient even if it means not being as quick as before.

And yes. To anyone still reading my blog, that would mean, less frequent drawings …as of now, sorry. (That’s part of my grinding.)

Doesn’t help when some artists are like:

Srsly.

I mean ofc some artists are that fast and heavily skilled but I often wonder if many who do that lie or exaggerate, lol.

Sketch my ass. I’ve gone on a rant back then about those sketchbook tours and how a lot of ‘‘em are supposed to be titled portfolio sketchbook tours because it’s deceiving and selective . I think the same thing applies here too, same with speed paints, etc.

The problem generally with art is you almost often see the final results so people vastly underestimate how difficult it is (looking at you ai “art”. bros) . And even in Timelapses which are sped up, like the ones I post here make them look like they’ve been produced so quickly when it’s not like that in reality. What ends up happening is having unrealistic expectations and this overemphasis on final results which can become huge drawbacks and foster an unhealthy way of thinking about making art. I experienced the same shit too hence why I’m very critical of those, lol.

I mean srsly, remember the time when sketchbooks were meant to be….for sketches? Like mostly loose sketches and where a lot of mistakes can be seen …because it’s a fucking SKETCHBOOK haha.

Hell, even I’m guilty of doing the same “only showing final results” too. I unfortunately forget to post process pics here due to forgetfulness and anxiety .

Although……writing about this subject…reminded me to post more wips and process pics here.

Anyway, I went on a tangent but yeah, I’m a very impulsive and impatient person so it’s been a pain in the ass to be slower than usual, taking your time has its drawbacks as that would mean seeing more mistakes the longer you work on it.

But I think it gets easier with time. The more familiar I get with referencing and taking my time, the less I need to double check.

Also some draws.

This will be a short comic.
This will also be a short comic, lol.

Ohhh and I dreamt of this scene below the other night haha.

Gods, it was such a nice dream. Rarely do I get my OTPs in my dreams. How I never wanted to wake up, haha.

Why did the delivery man ring the bell. Dude disturbed my fantasies, lol. What was gonna happen next ORZ…

I blame Rin for getting me into this series again after so many years huhuhu. It’s ALL HER FAULT.

And this ship..is a ship I only started shipping heavily last year, haha. My otp next to kai and Irene and saya and kaori.

Hagi and Gie or hagie, for short, takes first place this year though, lol.

So many comic projects, so little time, ugh.

ANOTHER COMPARISON

I was listening to the Rev Left podcast, on one episode regarding mental health and I was struck with what the interviewee mentioned about turning your own struggles into compassion especially for others.

Sometimes I end up wallowing in my misery though, gah.

But I like that idea of helping other people who struggle on the same stuff I had / have been experiencing.

One thing I realize growing up is that there’s no such thing as finding happiness in life and by that, “permanent happiness” in life because these are just fleeting. It’s not good on a long term basis especially since they’re very dependent on external factors /cough/ material wealth/cough/

…And what people generally yearn for is finding meaning in their lives. Like, you go push through with life despite all the stress and adversity when you have a sense of purpose and direction, beyond the transient state of pleasure.

And helping people is one way for me to have that sense of purpose. Turning my own bad experiences as a tool to give way for more connection, empathy and solidarity. ^^

ANYWAY, emo stuff aside, I did another sketch comparison from last year, lol.

I often make art comparisons not as a flex, but it’s a good way for me to reflect on my mistakes, where did I go wrong, what I overlooked, etc.

and how my art style has changed.

GODS, it’s been a while since I drew Ryou, too. Heh. :3

HMMM…so with the 2022 one, the face was very small and the art style is more reminiscent of the 90s and YGO with the small sharp nose and the mouth being too close to it, haha.

He’s a total baby face there., honestly. :”D

2023…..

I made him look more mature and defined in the 2023 version, haha. OFC I still headcanon Ryou as a soft furby and he still is in my art, but I like where my art style is heading now compared to before?

I still struggle with proportions so I’m obviously gonna find this 2023 cringe next month or so, lol but I want to make characters look more mature in my works. As much as I adore the ygo, inuyasha, 90s /90s-ish art style, I want to add more 2000s and late 2000s influence with my works, haha. Especially artists with the likes of Yana Toboso, Range Murata, Masashi Kishimoto, etc. VNs like Fata Morgana has also inspired my art style lately.

(90s-2000s anime and manga series are the best for me haha Ngl. ESP 2000s haha. )

I used to be an utterly impulsive bitch when it came to talking about art styles come to think of it. I sounded like some rigid and stiff Victorian lady in one of my old posts, gahhh. I’m so sorry. ORZ

I tended to judge people and things so hastily back then and it’s still something I catch myself doing from time to time and currently trying to curb that shite but I can say this for sure, from my experience, as the years go by and more influences come in, art styles…change. As much as there is a distinct style for certain artists, it doesn’t remain stationary imho.

Even with YGO for example since that was mostly what I drew all these years, haha. Seeing how Takahashi’s style changed from when he was working on the manga in SJ vs his latest works especially in the later art book. It’s remarkable. It is proof that yeah he improved but also, his art style developed into something different. ( it’s also softer rather than the pointy ones in his original manga. )

Regardless, that is also something I need to take note of. I end up becoming too dogmatic and stubborn to the point it hinders my development.

Ah well,

it’s late I should sleep, gah.

Goodnight.

a shrine for my baby

“But I wish…that I could’ve walked in the sun…with my head held high.”

TT ^ TT ///weeps///

My bebe, Gie…totally alive in my postcanon au, lol.

also some scribbly comics I made in Procreate:

Having an Ipad for digital drawing is really convenient especialy for simple doodles, gah. It’s a shame I got too frugal to get one early on. (I mean, with its price, you can’t blame me, lol. “I already had an Ipad, why do I need a new one?” I kept telling myself that.)

Hopefully my productivity with doodling will increase due to its portability. Pocreate is such a nifty art app especially since I use it for loose sketches mostly.

I really hope it doesn’t end up like CSP with its subscription based service although that’s just being too unrealistic, lol.

I think I mentioned this before? Sorry if im repetitive but I started developing a complex of having every artwork looking polished or decent enough to post here when I started doing commissions two years ago because at that time, i lacked a lot of good artworks to put on my commissions website/ promotional page and so I ended up overcompensating, haha. I wanted to have enough “good” artworks to post instead of those rough sketches and doodles from back then.

I have a very polarised way of performing tasks it’s frustrating, ORZ.

I’ve been slowly letting go of that since early this year though.

Since the ipad and procreate aren’t as powerful as CSP and wacom/huion when it comes to detailed artworks/comics (imho), I’m forced to treat it as a more mundane tool for my digital works specifically for experimental and loose sketching. It can help curb more of that self sabotaging complex of mine.

Self harm

Yo~

I’m going to upload another commission here tomorrow (.:later since it’s like almost 2 am as I’m typing this lol).

I’m currently on the WordPress app in my new phone. I deleted the app from my old phone months ago because I needed storage space (my old phone only had 32 GB) but now, I have more storage with my new one so I downloaded it this week and holy crap, apparently I can only get wp notifications when I download a different app (jetpack) , ugh. Whateven is wp thinking?

Well, at least I can still write and publish blog posts here. Having the mobile wp app can make me blog more things clearly and easily so it’s very convenient. ^^

Anyway, I had a heavy bout of depression since yesterday. It was this feeling of being worthless and unappreciated by people irl , typical personal angst stuff, haha. It sucks being taken for granted and getting my problems dismissed since I was a kid that I was forced to keep everything, all my problems to myself…

…And rant some of them here because people don’t bother to listen, lol.

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mood stuff

‘Thought I could draw more simple personal comic strips for this blog and tumblr or twitter, I guess. It’s a good way of going back to this WP’s original journal purpose, lol. (Even though WP has gone to become more greedy and shittier after all these years)

And some rants are better off as scribble comics because the former can come off as really incomprehensible and jumbled up since I write them when I’m tired most of the time.

I always end up overlooking my menstrual cycle, lol. My period has been irregular for the past two months (due to stress and a messed up sleep schedule probably) so I don’t put the effort to monitor the menstrual app or calendar because they haven’t predicted tthe previous two cycles right.

They seem to be accurate this time, at least. I was feeling very angry, depressed and hungry at the same time last weekend ’til now. And I just had some crying spells a few hours ago, haha. For the past week, I had a black hole for a stomach and craved and ate all the salty and deep fried food in the house and I still wasn’t satiated, lol. (‘Currently craving for McDonald’s as I type this.)

Gods, the luteal phase is always the worst. You just suddenly hate everyone and everything and easily snap and cry over the dumbest and pettiest of things. -__-;;

Today is the last day it seems. I was able to draw this thing so I don’t hate drawing that much compared to a few days ago, haha. And I’m feeling cheerful now, thankfully. ^^

haaaa i’m not looking forward for dem dysmenorrheic cramps this week tho haha.

Mirror! AU – FUOH: Feelings –

Finally done with this!

……Although lower your expectations because it’s short, lol.

(also because I had to redo some faces because I suck hard at drawing these two.)

I am just slower compared to back then, ugh.

But it’s just about regaining that momentum. I hope I can be quicker with other comics. >.<

Obviously, OOC Kaiba and Jou because these are their mirror versions. ‘Just warning you. People might get thrown off with a kind, smiling Kaiba. (and a gothic punk Jou, I made sure to thicken his animu eyeliner here.)

I certainly was cringing when I drew him years ago but now, I only do it a little, lol.

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Some iminor inconsistency I noticed after I overwritten them.

I forgot Jou’s pendant in some panels so ..Sorry. ORZ

michel

Still four chapters left in Fata Morgana but ffffuuucck, it’s so riveting and moving that it made me cry, haha.

And I don’t even cry when I watch anime/manga let alone with VNs most of the time.

Gods, why do stuff I love have to be so underrated? ahaha…….haaaaah.

This guy above is honestly like, the more masculine version of Ryou, haha.

Probably the ancestor of all white-haired woobies I love, :’D (Seriously, most white haired anime characters get it sooooo bad in life. )

Also,

So I saw the settei/reference for OMORO in Blood+ and it had a poster for the US army in their restaurant. I can understand why since it used to be a restaurant for George’s friends in the US military in Okinawa. And it’s near a US military base. (How unfortunate.)

but…..since George is dead, and Kai replaces him, I think he’d get rid of it. It would be quite rude and honestly, extremely offensive ( disgusting, to put it midly) to put the US army recruitment poster in an Okinawan restaurant.

It would also be very disrespectful for the Shifu/Schiff who are alive in this AU since they were chased down and hunted by the Corpse corps, who are the more enhanced , “perfect” artificial chiropteran soldiers created by the US for their MIC.

and after all the atrocities and bloodshed the US was responsible for worldwide in Blood+ (and irl lol) ……I think it would be better to just throw that poster in the trash, haha. As they say in Okinawa (and where I’m from), “Yankee, Go Home.”

I like to think Kai replaces it with a corkboard of pictures filled with nice, heartwarming found family moments in OMORO. ^__^

Frankly, that was the fucking original theme of Blood+, the found family trope. If Fujisaku friggin’ spared the characters and was decisive with his choices, the characters would be so much more fleshed out and the ending would have been super satisfying and hark back to its theme but noooooooo, he liked to get rid of them because he didn’t know what to do with them and wanted cheap shock, pfft.

Damn, I rant about his writing most of the time here, haha. SORRY.

Won’t acknowledge the canon at all. And its sequel, haha. I do not know them at all.

dfsdgfdgdfgfd

3/4 of the storyboard FINISHED!!! ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧

It’s all blobs, haha. But that’s how my BTS is. It’s uhh..something I can only decipher, lol.

I have to use a multi-ink ballpoint pen for this since it’s convenient for changing colours at a whim. Different colours like red and blue help to identify where the speech balloons are meant to be located, and the detail/description of every panel, respectively.

You can see that I just printed out some random storyboard template I found online since my Midori Storyboard notebook has ran out of pages and it’s a limited edition from..2017-18(?) so I can’t buy it anymore, ORZ.

I like this template though because it has that Midori storyboard format I was looking for, minus the url and logo of the website below, lol.

‘Gonna use this storyboard template for future comics. (^v^)

Geez, doing all these made me miss making comic projects like this.. (ಥ _ʖಥ)

Sigh. I barely drew any doujins/comic projects for the past two years come to think of it. I used to be super passionate with making them and I dunno what exactly caused my exasperation with it.

What went wrong, I wonder.

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