ah*gao

Hello.

I’ve been pretty occupied with balancing a comic commission and personal project comics so I apologise if I haven’t posted as much. ^^;;

But, since one of my NY goals is to post wips, I’ll post them on soc med…tomorrow. (because I’m too tired to get a wip shot).

One of them is NSFW though, and I might have to censor them on twitter and tumblr. Uncensored version is here ofc but yeahhh..

It is very difficult to make a nsfw comic. Gods, I had to collect a variety of references for them: BL, typical seinen hentai, etc. for me to study and…

I hate seeing ahegao faces, lol.

Or any other faces that resemble that. The very voyeuristic and exaggerated sex expressions..turns me the heck off, haha. I know anime /manga or cartoons generally exaggerate expressions (that’s what the style is for) and sex is no exception but I cannot get behind ahegao/ahegao-ish faces at all. Feels…forced? I’m not sure if that’s the right term for it but something like that.

Obviously, if you like it, that’s fine. It’s just a total buzzkill when I read hentai (and even some BL have those kinds of faces) and I see those. Like entire tongue out and some gooey expression that is hard to explain properly.

I think that’s when my support for “realism” comes in, at least when it comes to sex expressions. I want something that’s a lttle exaggerated with the typical animu blush but also an expression that’s subtle but expressive at the same time? Not over the top and very voyeuristic. Just natural-looking, more emotionally driven with soft grunts and moan and the use of body language/gestures when expressing their love and lust.

Although hentai gonna hentai. They’re pretty much known for voyeurism and heavily exaggerated sexual expressions (emotions? what emotions?) but still, they could try to lessen the use of that, haha.

I wanna talk more but I’m really sleepy. ORZ

blurb

I’ve been doing a “refresher” with comics since I’m quite out of practice with it and boyyy, panelling and pacing are still the most difficult parts in making comics for me. ORZ

Various Angles, perspective, composition…what a friggin’ migraine. (;😉

But I need to improve! So I’ll have to do more studying especially since someone commissioned me to make a ygo comic for them, heh.

I have to do my best! ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨

Speaking of YGO, I really miss drawing the characters especially my ships.

Blood+ is nice and all but the characters in my ships are……..pale/light skinned, lol. Not that I don’t like light-skinned characters but I really miss colouring darker skin tones. I find brown skin to be more fun to paint and shade especially when it comes to muscles.

Well, I’ll do some de-rusting sketch studies of my ygo blorbos. After all, I need to do that for the commission and I have some comic shorts of them to finish this year.

parody 2

Okay, okay, this is the last time I do a spongebob parody.

I mean, It’s not even a parody with Haji, lol. That’s him in canon…

…..unfortunately. >_>

How did he even stay sane? haha..ahhhhhh…….

Gods, imagine being immortal and not needing to sleep or eat, I’d have done soo much art and stuff all those years. Meanwhile, this guy spends his entire time waiting for his crush to wake up, lol. (probably plays some cello on the side but still… )

Any person would kill for that opportunity but this dude…/facepalms///

Haji, mate. GET A LIFE! щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

Then again, I can understand why…I guess? (I have HCs on that)

Especially given his background although …I’ve already ranted about how the author wrote him, I don’t wanna repeat myself, But agggghhhhh!!!!

Honestly! To appear in all episodes yet have very little personality? Meanwhile, the shifu/schiff only appear in 1-2 episodes and have shown so much personality in their brief appearances.(;¬_¬)

…..

I still love you, Haji. I’ll give you more personality in our AU! .+:。(ノ・ω・)ノ゙

cuz you desperately need it, haha.

dump

Man, period cramps suck. /flops/

Below were the doodles I managed to draw yesterday but period fatigue took over so I fell asleep earlier than the usual and forgot to post. :/

Gods, I’m such a sucker for this ship, haha.

As much as I want to list down all our HCs with them, how they develop into a couple, I can’t. I find it’s much better to draw them at least for me because it helps with practicing and improving my skills. Although, I am considering selling a pdf of the B6 sketchbook filled with all those HCs/plots/etc in Kofi for…50 USD, haha.

(Yes, I have entire notebooks looking like picture storybooks filled with drawing ideas/headcanons/AU plots etc because I want to archive them traditionally. The only downside is if someone reads them accidentally or if it gets lost and or misplaced. In that case, I’m totally fucked in the arse.)

I doubt anyone is going to buy it with that price or buy it at all but it doesn’t hurt to try, haha.

The reason why the price is that high is because I’m pretty secretive when it comes to headcanons in text format. As said previously, I prefer to turn them into comics or illustrations because text/list format is kinda lacking for me personally. But when I’m in a rush, I just jot them in the notebook and browse it if there’s any idea I want to draw. (even the notebook has a ton of drawings for guidance. )

Who knows, maybe someone out there is actually willing to pay that much to see and read all the BTS stuff in that headcanon notebook, haha.

Anyway, I got carried away. As always.

That b6 notebook stuff ramble should be reserved for a different blogpost. I could show some samples there too because it’s difficult to explain it.

Referring to the doodles above, dunno what exactly I was aiming for with these drawings tbh but least I did stuff even when I was wincing from my cramps, lol. That’s much more productive than my 2022 self.

As for today, I was busy organising comic scripts and what stuff I should finish by this month. They’re A LOT. It’s overwhelming, lol.

I don’t know where to start but I’ll go with shorter ones. Alternate from fandom to fandom.

New Year’s Goals

‘Exhausted from the road trip yesterday so I couldn’t write up a post, ORZ.

This won’t be long and blabbery but my main goal for this year is to draw whatever without giving a fuck, lol.

The horrible case of depression last year gave way for my bad habits to come back with a vengeance, unfortunately. Paralysing Perfectionism, lvl 9000 anxiety, etc. It was a total relapse and a really bad year for me and the way I approached art. Thankfully, I managed to heal as time went on and that helped clear my mind.

I ended up thinking what if people think it’s problematic, stupid and cringey and crack and aaaaaahhhhhhh

FUCK. THAT.

Life is too short and if people have a problem with that, they can pay me a trillion usd to stop me from drawing them. If nuclear armageddon happens by tomorrow and I don’t get to finish and post my citron comic or my hagie and kairene smut comic, I wouldn’t be able to be at peace, haha.

Jesus, why do I even think of these in the first place? Millie you’re too old for this shit. Just draw them!

I’ll post more on twitter and tumblr, especially with WIPs. I overthink a lot with WIPs and spoilers and in the end, they don’t really spoil much anyway so I won’t hesitate to post more of them online, lol.

Hmm what else..

expand the stuff I draw. I want to diversify the series I draw from and not just YGO. I mean, I’ll still draw ygo since I have some comic projects there but I also have other series I am so excited to draw especially since I think I’m already skilled to draw the characters from series I loved as a kid?

I’m not THAT skilled, I still have such a long way to go (sad!) but skilled enough to draw them compared to when I was a kid, haha. Alas, many of them don’t have a big fandom but that’s fine.

FINISH comic projects! Don’t procrastinate because of perfectionism. Perfectionism Anxiety is the number one cause for nme delaying comic works, gah. I’m sorry. But I’ll do my very best to finish comic projects even if they end up looking off to me.

Welp, those are pretty much my NY’s goals. I’ll ofc focus too on improving my art skills but that’s already a given.

Also, doodled some B+

pretty much what happens to Hagi in our AU, haha.

Gonna draw more tomorrow if period pains aren’t too pad, lol.

2022 Art Summary : Slowly Getting Back on Track

So in the midst of writing this blog post, the speakers outside were playing corporate Christmas songs which are annoying af. And John Lennon’s Happy Xmas (War is Over) started to play. Gods, I know that it’s an antiwar song but the friggin’ guilt trip of the first two lines lol.

“So this is Christmas. What have you done?”

Wallowed in my goddamn misery.

As if I needed to feel more guilt about not having much progress this year. >__>

Anyway,

January -> April : Extremely depressed, crying spells almost everyday, Commissions

May -> June: “Normally” depressed, dabbled into drawing random OCs, painting in my personal journal, Commissions

July -> August Playing The Sims 2 to feel better and enjoyed the lore of the series, drawing OCs, Commissions

September : Got into Blood+ again and got so invested in the Schiff particularly with Gie. Also started shipping him and Haji seriously that I started to make a doujin. Commissions

October: Finished the doujin, the first ever since 2020! Commissions

November: Drew more often, rambled …ranted constantly, grieved, got introduced to Noein, lusted after Karasu, shipped Tobi and Atori, Commissions

December: Commissions, got burnt out.

2022 was a super rough year for me, lol. ‘Greeted me with a friggin’ funeral.

Continue reading

More than a decade later…

So I’ve been editing some scanned photos of my old artworks as I’m decluttering and I realised one of the sketches was Irene.

damn, I’ve always loved her character since, haha.

I was feeling sad seeing those more than a decade old sketchbook images of mine. Thinking about it, my mind during those years must have been so cluttered. The drawing from 2010/11 above has heads on top of heads. Unfinished heads at that, lol.

Gods, was I so disorganised.

I didn’t even put dates on most of my sketches back then, haha. (Hence me being unsure if it was drawn in 2010 or 2011..either of those years) That’s how unserious I was with art.

And yet I compare myself with those artists I see who suddenly had such a big improvement in 1-2 years which led me to feeling more sad than the usual nostalgia sadness because I end up regretting about the years I wasted by not taking art seriously up until I joined the ygo fandom.

But of course, it would be terribly unfair for me to compare myself to those kinds of artists. I don’t know their circumstances.

Continue reading

giiiiiieee

Did some sketches of Gie.I have difficulty with hair. ORZ

The anime is very inconsistent with the length of his bangs especially.

lol the serial number tag is on the wrong side. oops.

Such a shame Gie only appears in..1-2 episodes. He showed more personality in those than Haji, who has been in all fifty episodes and still had a personality of a rock. :’D

It’s strange how I ship those two together seeing as I criticise the latter most of the time, hahaha. (I’m referring to how Haji’s written though.)

Was it Gie’s white hair, green eyes and woobie-ness that drew me to him?

The answer is yes.

Also, cuz he’s just soooo god. dang pretty. He makes Saya and Diva look basic, haha.

(I’m not so biased at all. Clearly. )

I seem to have a thing for white-haired characters that like to smile and see the positive in things despite suffering all the time, gah.

Not that I think it’s healthy to do that but yknow, it’s something I could relate to irl,