sketches

I’m not feeling mentally well atm. I had another existenstial depressive episode today after another kin died recently so that sucked. ORZ

I just did some loose sketching to relax myself a bit from my anxiety, gah.

First attempt at Kazuki from Get Backers. ^_^

I remember watching that anime as a preschooler and I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. He was just so pretty and dainty looking…but deadly at the same time.

It’s not obvious but…………

I really have a thing for androgynous characters.

Also Kazuki had some…gay relationship with another character (Juubei) there. I remember that was my earliest exposure to gay relationships in anime. Well, Get backers really had a lot of gay stuff that’s for sure.

The design here is a bit off though, so I need to get more references of him, haha. I just saved a picture of his settei sketch on my phone and thought that hey maybe I could sketch him so I have had made a drawing for today and this came about.

(^^)>

I’ve always wanted to draw him. I only looked forward to episodes that featured him tbh, haha. Ban can go get fucked, lol jk.

I feel like ever since late last year, I’ve been making fanart of characters that I’ve always wanted to make since I was a kid but thought I was too unskilled to do so, lol. Now I’m like. I’m okay-ish in my skills so I should draw all of them childhood blorbos!

Maybe I’m overcompensating.

That, and I just really love them. Friggin’ Get Backers, GiTS: SAC, Ghost Stories, YGO, Blood+, etc babysat my arse when my parents were busy neglecting me because of work so they have a precious spot in my heart and in my memories, haha.

Also, random telegram chat idea sketch:

I don’t know how the entire shirt underneath the schiff’s trenchcoat blazer thing looks like because the material settings only showed a glimpse of it but me and Rin headcanon that it’s sleeveless because it would be really redundant if it had sleeves while wearing the blazer and then the cloak.

Also ‘cuz it looks cool haha. This was an idea that spawned from our chat. Since they’re always so covered up, seeing them expose some of their skin would be surprising to the non-schiff…like Hagi over here. :3C

No matter how much they try to shove HagixSaya propaganda in the material settings books I have, I am very resistant to it, bahaha.

Experiment

Welp, ko-fi restored my profile today (well, yesterday in my timezone since it’s midnight now ).

That was quick, lol.

Maybe it’s because I’m used to other platforms being rather slow to respond that’s why I was worried yesterday.

Anyway,

this is a three page comic I did since the other day. I thought of experimenting with coloured comics and utilising a soft style again inspired by Hwei Lim, heh. I really love her use of soft colours but I still suck compared to her. T__T

A wangsty, white-haired woobie…my weakness…

I ship them so friggin much, haha. (Irene as the wing..woman? wingmate/shipper)

Like, Hagi being tsundere because he has difficulty processing his feelings after all those years of being devoted to Saya and after moving on, finds himself liking someone new. It makes for a compelling arc for him imho. ^^;;

And of course, Gie angsting about his physical limitations / cursed body as an artificial chevalier like in canon. Not exactly having a high self esteem especially in regards to being liked in that way by his former enemy.

haaaah…took me and Rin like, two weeks to flesh him out cuz Fujisaku didn’t give him a personality in canon, haha.

It’s so weird but that’s how I shipped deathshipping too. Just accidental from thinking of scenarios and the rest is history. I still love my deathship after all these years. /weeps/

But the main difference is, they’re not crack like death or citron. Gie and Hagi met in canon unlike those two ships. It just so happens Gie only appears in one episode and dies at the same episode too, lol. (A victim of Fujisaku)

But my blorbo doesn’t die in my AU! Screw the canon version. He and the rest of the Schiff get a happy ending. /huffs /

Ship ramble aside, as appealing as coloured comics are, I cannot fathom making an entire doujin in colour. I can do itif there’s a financial incentive like a commission, (and this comic was used to check if I can use this colouring style for the commission) but with personal works,

hmm

I think if it’s a short bonus comic, I could do it coloured but the rest, I’ll stick to monochrome, lol.

parody 2

Okay, okay, this is the last time I do a spongebob parody.

I mean, It’s not even a parody with Haji, lol. That’s him in canon…

…..unfortunately. >_>

How did he even stay sane? haha..ahhhhhh…….

Gods, imagine being immortal and not needing to sleep or eat, I’d have done soo much art and stuff all those years. Meanwhile, this guy spends his entire time waiting for his crush to wake up, lol. (probably plays some cello on the side but still… )

Any person would kill for that opportunity but this dude…/facepalms///

Haji, mate. GET A LIFE! щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

Then again, I can understand why…I guess? (I have HCs on that)

Especially given his background although …I’ve already ranted about how the author wrote him, I don’t wanna repeat myself, But agggghhhhh!!!!

Honestly! To appear in all episodes yet have very little personality? Meanwhile, the shifu/schiff only appear in 1-2 episodes and have shown so much personality in their brief appearances.(;¬_¬)

…..

I still love you, Haji. I’ll give you more personality in our AU! .+:。(ノ・ω・)ノ゙

cuz you desperately need it, haha.

dump

Man, period cramps suck. /flops/

Below were the doodles I managed to draw yesterday but period fatigue took over so I fell asleep earlier than the usual and forgot to post. :/

Gods, I’m such a sucker for this ship, haha.

As much as I want to list down all our HCs with them, how they develop into a couple, I can’t. I find it’s much better to draw them at least for me because it helps with practicing and improving my skills. Although, I am considering selling a pdf of the B6 sketchbook filled with all those HCs/plots/etc in Kofi for…50 USD, haha.

(Yes, I have entire notebooks looking like picture storybooks filled with drawing ideas/headcanons/AU plots etc because I want to archive them traditionally. The only downside is if someone reads them accidentally or if it gets lost and or misplaced. In that case, I’m totally fucked in the arse.)

I doubt anyone is going to buy it with that price or buy it at all but it doesn’t hurt to try, haha.

The reason why the price is that high is because I’m pretty secretive when it comes to headcanons in text format. As said previously, I prefer to turn them into comics or illustrations because text/list format is kinda lacking for me personally. But when I’m in a rush, I just jot them in the notebook and browse it if there’s any idea I want to draw. (even the notebook has a ton of drawings for guidance. )

Who knows, maybe someone out there is actually willing to pay that much to see and read all the BTS stuff in that headcanon notebook, haha.

Anyway, I got carried away. As always.

That b6 notebook stuff ramble should be reserved for a different blogpost. I could show some samples there too because it’s difficult to explain it.

Referring to the doodles above, dunno what exactly I was aiming for with these drawings tbh but least I did stuff even when I was wincing from my cramps, lol. That’s much more productive than my 2022 self.

As for today, I was busy organising comic scripts and what stuff I should finish by this month. They’re A LOT. It’s overwhelming, lol.

I don’t know where to start but I’ll go with shorter ones. Alternate from fandom to fandom.

New Year’s Goals

‘Exhausted from the road trip yesterday so I couldn’t write up a post, ORZ.

This won’t be long and blabbery but my main goal for this year is to draw whatever without giving a fuck, lol.

The horrible case of depression last year gave way for my bad habits to come back with a vengeance, unfortunately. Paralysing Perfectionism, lvl 9000 anxiety, etc. It was a total relapse and a really bad year for me and the way I approached art. Thankfully, I managed to heal as time went on and that helped clear my mind.

I ended up thinking what if people think it’s problematic, stupid and cringey and crack and aaaaaahhhhhhh

FUCK. THAT.

Life is too short and if people have a problem with that, they can pay me a trillion usd to stop me from drawing them. If nuclear armageddon happens by tomorrow and I don’t get to finish and post my citron comic or my hagie and kairene smut comic, I wouldn’t be able to be at peace, haha.

Jesus, why do I even think of these in the first place? Millie you’re too old for this shit. Just draw them!

I’ll post more on twitter and tumblr, especially with WIPs. I overthink a lot with WIPs and spoilers and in the end, they don’t really spoil much anyway so I won’t hesitate to post more of them online, lol.

Hmm what else..

expand the stuff I draw. I want to diversify the series I draw from and not just YGO. I mean, I’ll still draw ygo since I have some comic projects there but I also have other series I am so excited to draw especially since I think I’m already skilled to draw the characters from series I loved as a kid?

I’m not THAT skilled, I still have such a long way to go (sad!) but skilled enough to draw them compared to when I was a kid, haha. Alas, many of them don’t have a big fandom but that’s fine.

FINISH comic projects! Don’t procrastinate because of perfectionism. Perfectionism Anxiety is the number one cause for nme delaying comic works, gah. I’m sorry. But I’ll do my very best to finish comic projects even if they end up looking off to me.

Welp, those are pretty much my NY’s goals. I’ll ofc focus too on improving my art skills but that’s already a given.

Also, doodled some B+

pretty much what happens to Hagi in our AU, haha.

Gonna draw more tomorrow if period pains aren’t too pad, lol.

More than a decade later…

So I’ve been editing some scanned photos of my old artworks as I’m decluttering and I realised one of the sketches was Irene.

damn, I’ve always loved her character since, haha.

I was feeling sad seeing those more than a decade old sketchbook images of mine. Thinking about it, my mind during those years must have been so cluttered. The drawing from 2010/11 above has heads on top of heads. Unfinished heads at that, lol.

Gods, was I so disorganised.

I didn’t even put dates on most of my sketches back then, haha. (Hence me being unsure if it was drawn in 2010 or 2011..either of those years) That’s how unserious I was with art.

And yet I compare myself with those artists I see who suddenly had such a big improvement in 1-2 years which led me to feeling more sad than the usual nostalgia sadness because I end up regretting about the years I wasted by not taking art seriously up until I joined the ygo fandom.

But of course, it would be terribly unfair for me to compare myself to those kinds of artists. I don’t know their circumstances.

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no life

yoinks I’m so out of practice with Blood+ characters. I need to practice drawing them again. :/

I’m not in a decent mood atm.

y’know that period when you suddenly cannot draw anything and get so frustrated you want to give up because nothing seems to turn out alright? I’m currently having that . Makes me want to pull my hair out because of all that exasperation, lol.

Anyway the comic was an idea from December 7 in a telegram chat. It’s obviously a spongebob reference but…

this is literally Haji.

I’m not even kidding. This is what he does in canon.

So spoilers under the cut:

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