deathshipping

Askbox Doodles Part 1

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

I wasn’t feeling myself yesterday due to well…not being able to sleep properly. I woke up at 3 am and didn’t go back to sleep because the video on the bg was talking about the atrocities of a certain war criminal who’s name starts with Kiss and ends with -er. He is so goddamn despicable from what the video essay mentioned that I got too angry to sleep, haha.

So some fact about me that you didn’t really have to know: I need some videos playing in the bg (usually on my tablet) to lull me to sleep. it’s a method I use to drown out those negative and self loathing thoughts that plague me every night before sleeping, lol.

Only reason I got YT premium, haha.

Just so happens that yesterday, it was some video essay that infuriated me. Usually I get sleepy with other video essays but this one didn’t. It was informative ofc but being angry at 3 am isn’t good. :/

Hmmm. I’ll have to make a more relaxing video playlist dedicated for sleeping.

On a separate note,

I was surprised at the number of requests in my inbox, lol. I thought I’d just get like 1-3 messages.

I would like to emphasise that I won’t draw OCs in the requests. They’re for commissions only. Any fandom is fine for me to doodle, though. I think they’re good for practice. ^^

So first request is…

from Rin, heh. :3

She wanted Monster World! Ryou and Mariku back to back ready to fight some ghastly pokemon-like monsters~

justadudeguy20 asked:

For drawing requests, could you maybe draw Mesprit from Pokemon in the scenario of the example below?

Here~ ^_^

Anonymous asked:

If your still accepting requests, perhaps Mako Tsunami?

Please and thankyou!!! >u< Your arts so gorgeous!

My first time drawing this guy, lol. Sorry if he looks off. And thank you for the praise, anon. 🙂

hair drying & art standards

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

I need to make more comics. ORZ

So I realised another problem which hindered me for months.

(yeah I know I have a lot of problems, lololol)

I spent too much time trying so hard to come up with poncy “artsy” abstract illustration ideas ( the ones I often see on Pinterest and IG) but I realised that…. it’s not my thing?

I mean, I can do those when I’m in the mood which is rare but I ended up forcing myself to be like someone else. It stemmed from my insecurity and internalising, assuming with what I’ve been reading and seeing.

I thought that being unable to come up with those kinds of art was me being uncreative. And that’s another factor why I felt depressed previously. I couldn’t think of any “artsy” ideas no matter how much I forced myself to. I felt so bad about myself because I thought I was just an impostor. I was uncreative.

Am I an artist if I can’t draw like those? If I can’t draw like them?

Am I creative if I can’t conjure those kinds of artworks and ideas?

But art is not all abstract.

Creation is creative.

There are a variety of art styles and themes. I pressured myself too much to make a type of art that isn’t my thing, that isn’t my passion and doesn’t give me satisfaction. All because I felt that fanart wasn’t creative enough. That comics weren’t what made me a “true” artist. That I thought straightforward art wasn’t artistic.

I love comics. I love fanart. I love to do straightforward art. I’m in the zone whenever I make them. I get fulfilled whenever I finish them. Why the fuck was I forcing myself to meet standards that stemmed from my assumptions and other people’s opinions?

Despite the fact that I have an entire notebook filled with ideas to draw, I ended up fixating too much on what I didn’t have, what I thought I should be rather than what I have.

I just wanna draw what I want, gah.

2021 Art Summary

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

Long time no see. ^^/

Relative is still in critical condition after a month so…I don’t know what is gonna happen to them. Hopefully they can recover but…

Welp.

I’ll have to accept whatever will come, good or bad. As much as I wanna sulk all the time, I can’t just stop drawing for more than a month or months. I’m still not in a decent mood of course, I feel depressed about their condition and I truly hope they get well soon but life goes on and I need to resume with drawing and other important things.

It doesn’t help Omicron cases have drastically increased here and the hospital he’s in might be crowded with covid patients. ORZ

Anyway, I thought of making an Art Summary for 2021 and…..

…A majority are commissions. :”D

I’m very grateful though for those who commissioned me for being so patient (tysm <3) , as it’s my first time doing commissions. I’ve learned from my mistakes/blunders with commissioning, took note of them and hopefully, I can be more efficient with the next series of commission works.

Continue reading →

Commission 22 [ R18]

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

NSFW Deathshipping (AUU: Fem!Ryou x Mariku/Yami Marik) Commission for lekoweko@twitter ^__^

This one’s a preview since I can’t post r18 stuff in this blog but I attached a link below it where you can find the full version of the image plus its timelapse in my other R18 blog (which I made public today. Nothing special really lol)

FULL VIEW (in my R18 blog)