It’s June already, need to get my shit together this month! >.<
Hagi with his long hair
I’ve been listening/watching KoTH again while working on stuff and gods, Stuart Dooley is my lowkey fave, lol. He’s like Hagi with his -_- face and the way he just says the most obvious stuff with his deep voice for someone who’s like…13/14 is hilarious to me. I wanna make more fanart of him next time. :’D
I probably have PTSD or smth because when I rewatched/re-listened to KoTH the other day I got a bit triggered like, ohh..I was enjoying this series a few months before my relative died so it brings some bad memories but ofc KOTH doesn’t deserve any of that.
I also like Dale Gribble despite how crazy he can be sometimes, haha. Problematic fave I guess? (But he’s a good dad though.)
I seem to improve more with taking my time with drawing, lol.
Such a simple. method but it was something I found great difficulty to do because of a certain….pressure?
the pressure of having to be fast and post everyday or else yknow people are gonna ditch you, or think you’re dead or inactive. It’s a social media phenomenon of having to post a drawing everyday I think?
Obviously this is from personal experience, take note but I still remember my deviant art days and I wouldn’t say dA was a “social media” at least, on how current social media is like. Yeah, it was a social networking site for artists, writers, photographers and their likes but it didn’t have the late stage capitalist culture of what current social media is now if that makes sense?
Because back then, many artists didn’t post frequently. There were artists who did post like almost everyday but it wasn’t something that was the standard. People understood that art took time to make and people were willing to even wait for a monthly artwork of an artist they followed. I surely did.
But now, there’s this huge pressure, be it hobbyist or professional, that you have to post everyday, to constantly make “content” rather than an artwork to be consumed constantly like some commodity.
Many artists give tips that are often along the lines of “DRAW AND POST EVERYDAY.” Which isn’t bad at all but of course, what kind of art exactly will you be posting everyday?
Everyday would lead to burnout and compromising quality mostly.
Not saying that simple, rough doodles aren’t meant to be posted and that only polished good art are the ones that should be online but I’m talking about a problem that is deeper which is this need for instant gratification..which has a load of negative consequences for the art and artist.
Art takes time. That’s how it is. The entire artistic process takes time from introspection to the drawing or painting itself.
and even I succumbed to that pressure.
Part of why my improvement was delayed was because I didn’t take time to reference and double check.
Sometimes until now, like referencing for example takes quite a lot of time and I often just wanna blitz my art, “oh my god I’ll just half ass this and just fucking post this cuz this is taking hours” and in some days I do blitz it but if I wanna improve, I’ll have to be patient even if it means not being as quick as before.
And yes. To anyone still reading my blog, that would mean, less frequent drawings …as of now, sorry. (That’s part of my grinding.)
Doesn’t help when some artists are like:
I mean ofc some artists are that fast and heavily skilled but I often wonder if many who do that lie or exaggerate, lol.
Sketch my ass. I’ve gone on a rant back then about those sketchbook tours and how a lot of ‘‘em are supposed to be titled portfolio sketchbook tours because it’s deceiving and selective . I think the same thing applies here too, same with speed paints, etc.
The problem generally with art is you almost often see the final results so people vastly underestimate how difficult it is (looking at you ai “art”. bros) . And even in Timelapses which are sped up, like the ones I post here make them look like they’ve been produced so quickly when it’s not like that in reality. What ends up happening is having unrealistic expectations and this overemphasis on final results which can become huge drawbacks and foster an unhealthy way of thinking about making art. I experienced the same shit too hence why I’m very critical of those, lol.
I mean srsly, remember the time when sketchbooks were meant to be….for sketches? Like mostly loose sketches and where a lot of mistakes can be seen …because it’s a fucking SKETCHBOOK haha.
Hell, even I’m guilty of doing the same “only showing final results” too. I unfortunately forget to post process pics here due to forgetfulness and anxiety .
Although……writing about this subject…reminded me to post more wips and process pics here.
Anyway, I went on a tangent but yeah, I’m a very impulsive and impatient person so it’s been a pain in the ass to be slower than usual, taking your time has its drawbacks as that would mean seeing more mistakes the longer you work on it.
ButI think it gets easier with time. The more familiar I get with referencing and taking my time, the less I need to double check.
Also some draws.
Ohhh and I dreamt of this scene below the other night haha.
Gods, it was such a nice dream. Rarely do I get my OTPs in my dreams. How I never wanted to wake up, haha.
Why did the delivery man ring the bell. Dude disturbed my fantasies, lol. What was gonna happen next ORZ…
I blame Rin for getting me into this series again after so many years huhuhu. It’s ALL HER FAULT.
And this ship..is a ship I only started shipping heavily last year, haha. My otp next to kai and Irene and saya and kaori.
Hagi and Gie or hagie, for short, takes first place this year though, lol.
“But I wish…that I could’ve walked in the sun…with my head held high.”
TT ^ TT ///weeps///
My bebe, Gie…totally alive in my postcanon au, lol.
also some scribbly comics I made in Procreate:
Having an Ipad for digital drawing is really convenient especialy for simple doodles, gah. It’s a shame I got too frugal to get one early on. (I mean, with its price, you can’t blame me, lol. “I already had an Ipad, why do I need a new one?” I kept telling myself that.)
Hopefully my productivity with doodling will increase due to its portability. Pocreate is such a nifty art app especially since I use it for loose sketches mostly.
I really hope it doesn’t end up like CSP with its subscription based service although that’s just being too unrealistic, lol.
I think I mentioned this before? Sorry if im repetitive but I started developing a complex of having every artwork looking polished or decent enough to post here when I started doing commissions two years ago because at that time, i lacked a lot of good artworks to put on my commissions website/ promotional page and so I ended up overcompensating, haha. I wanted to have enough “good” artworks to post instead of those rough sketches and doodles from back then.
I have a very polarised way of performing tasks it’s frustrating, ORZ.
I’ve been slowly letting go of that since early this year though.
Since the ipad and procreate aren’t as powerful as CSP and wacom/huion when it comes to detailed artworks/comics (imho), I’m forced to treat it as a more mundane tool for my digital works specifically for experimental and loose sketching. It can help curb more of that self sabotaging complex of mine.
‘Was pretty inactive last week. ‘Sorry about that. ORZ
Good news is, I managed to avoid doomscrolling on twitter, heh.
…..I forgot about my phone having a Screentime limit, bahahaha….
ahh..I’m such a dinosaur.
I didn’t even know it existed. I got so jaded with apple fucking everyone over I thought they’d be too greedy to put a screentime limit feature or something along the likes of that, lol. (I’m so cynical.)
According to the screen time app, I spent about 26 minutes on twitter last week so that’s a big change from two hours two weeks ago.
On a related note, there was this tweet I read from the Elon twat a while ago saying that you can’t be eligible in the for you section (probably the entire algorithm as a whole) if you are not verified starting from April 15. The same requirement is needed to vote in polls all because they can address ai bots swarming the site.
It was irksome to read this morning and quite a strange way of saying that they’re too incompetent to get rid of bots in their own site, lol.
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if we need twitter blue to just access the basic features of twitter like posting a tweet, lol. (or like, there’s only a limit of tweets you can post every week or smth)
11 USD monthly! ‘Such a blatant cashgrab and a great way to kill the platform, Elon, tch.
Personally, I don’t think I’d pay that for a site that doesn’t allow me to curate my feed, and has ads and ..bigotry everywhere. And from my experience with the app since a few months ago, twitter has been crashing more than the usual.
LOL this is such bad art I’m just gonna post this only on WP instead, lol.
So many obvious beginner mistakes, it’s embarrassing. /facepalms/
I’ll probably redraw this sometime soon. I didn’t really wanna put it here, just wanted to scrap it but Rin said I should post it here even if I find it appalling to look at, haha.
Gods, So many anatomy and proportion problems, i don’t even know where to begin.
I really need to do more art studies.
I know I say that a lot but honestly, I didn’t really have the time to do that because of family stuff and a pet health emergency that happened last week. And I have had some other RL tasks to finish as well. I have a deadline next week so it’s been very difficult to focus, ORZ
I’ll do better.
Anyway, the picture is meant to be some scene in a future comic of our Post “Canon” AU in Blood+. I put canon in quotes because me and Rin did some revisions to the canon timeline where it would be possible for all the schiff to survive and where all those unnecessary, grimdark, and cheap shock moments didn’t happen.
(Really, they weren’t even necessary to the plot at all. And from what I translated from Fujisaku’s interview, it seemed he did it because he wanted shock and he didn’t know what to do with the schiff and Riku after. Plus, he wanted that sequel bait, ugh.)
I ship these characters a lot, damn, haha. How many years since 2005? or 2006? and I never thought I’d be shipping these two in 2022. My child self would be weirded out if they saw this, haha.
Then again, even as a conservative and naive kid, I couldn’t see any chemistry between Saya and Haji at all. Super forced and Saya always came across as a lesbian to me from her interactions with women compared to the men, lol. (hence, why I ship her and Kaori.)
meh. Fuck that comp het, lol.
I want to talk more but my brain is shutting down so fast atm. so I’ll try to blog more tomorrow. ^^
I’m not feeling mentally well atm. I had another existenstial depressive episode today after another kin died recently so that sucked. ORZ
I just did some loose sketching to relax myself a bit from my anxiety, gah.
First attempt at Kazuki from Get Backers. ^_^
I remember watching that anime as a preschooler and I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. He was just so pretty and dainty looking…but deadly at the same time.
It’s not obvious but…………
I really have a thing for androgynous characters.
Also Kazuki had some…gay relationship with another character (Juubei) there. I remember that was my earliest exposure to gay relationships in anime. Well, Get backers really had a lot of gay stuff that’s for sure.
The design here is a bit off though, so I need to get more references of him, haha. I just saved a picture of his settei sketch on my phone and thought that hey maybe I could sketch him so I have had made a drawing for today and this came about.
I’ve always wanted to draw him. I only looked forward to episodes that featured him tbh, haha. Ban can go get fucked, lol jk.
I feel like ever since late last year, I’ve been making fanart of characters that I’ve always wanted to make since I was a kid but thought I was too unskilled to do so, lol. Now I’m like. I’m okay-ish in my skills so I should draw all of them childhood blorbos!
Maybe I’m overcompensating.
That, and I just really love them. Friggin’ Get Backers, GiTS: SAC, Ghost Stories, YGO, Blood+, etc babysat my arse when my parents were busy neglecting me because of work so they have a precious spot in my heart and in my memories, haha.
Also, random telegram chat idea sketch:
I don’t know how the entire shirt underneath the schiff’s trenchcoat blazer thing looks like because the material settings only showed a glimpse of it but me and Rin headcanon that it’s sleeveless because it would be really redundant if it had sleeves while wearing the blazer and then the cloak.
Also ‘cuz it looks cool haha. This was an idea that spawned from our chat. Since they’re always so covered up, seeing them expose some of their skin would be surprising to the non-schiff…like Hagi over here. :3C
No matter how much they try to shove HagixSaya propaganda in the material settings books I have, I am very resistant to it, bahaha.
Welp, ko-fi restored my profile today (well, yesterday in my timezone since it’s midnight now ).
That was quick, lol.
Maybe it’s because I’m used to other platforms being rather slow to respond that’s why I was worried yesterday.
this is a three page comic I did since the other day. I thought of experimenting with coloured comics and utilising a soft style again inspired by Hwei Lim, heh. I really love her use of soft colours but I still suck compared to her. T__T
A wangsty, white-haired woobie…my weakness…
I ship them so friggin much, haha. (Irene as the wing..woman? wingmate/shipper)
Like, Hagi being tsundere because he has difficulty processing his feelings after all those years of being devoted to Saya and after moving on, finds himself liking someone new. It makes for a compelling arc for him imho. ^^;;
And of course, Gie angsting about his physical limitations / cursed body as an artificial chevalier like in canon. Not exactly having a high self esteem especially in regards to being liked in that way by his former enemy.
haaaah…took me and Rin like, two weeks to flesh him out cuz Fujisaku didn’t give him a personality in canon, haha.
It’s so weird but that’s how I shipped deathshipping too. Just accidental from thinking of scenarios and the rest is history. I still love my deathship after all these years. /weeps/
But the main difference is, they’re not crack like death or citron. Gie and Hagi met in canon unlike those two ships. It just so happens Gie only appears in one episode and dies at the same episode too, lol. (A victim of Fujisaku)
But my blorbo doesn’t die in my AU! Screw the canon version. He and the rest of the Schiff get a happy ending. /huffs /
Ship ramble aside, as appealing as coloured comics are, I cannot fathom making an entire doujin in colour. I can do itif there’s a financial incentive like a commission, (and this comic was used to check if I can use this colouring style for the commission) but with personal works,
I think if it’s a short bonus comic, I could do it coloured but the rest, I’ll stick to monochrome, lol.
Okay, okay, this is the last time I do a spongebob parody.
I mean, It’s not even a parody with Haji, lol. That’s him in canon…
How did he even stay sane? haha..ahhhhhh…….
Gods, imagine being immortal and not needing to sleep or eat, I’d have done soo much art and stuff all those years. Meanwhile, this guy spends his entire time waiting for his crush to wake up, lol. (probably plays some cello on the side but still… )
Any person would kill for that opportunity but this dude…/facepalms///
Haji, mate. GET A LIFE! щ(ಠ益ಠщ)
Then again, I can understand why…I guess? (I have HCs on that)
Especially given his background although …I’ve already ranted about how the author wrote him, I don’t wanna repeat myself, But agggghhhhh!!!!
Honestly! To appear in all episodes yet have very little personality? Meanwhile, the shifu/schiff only appear in 1-2 episodes and have shown so much personality in their brief appearances.（；¬＿¬)
I still love you, Haji. I’ll give you more personality in our AU! .+:｡(ﾉ･ω･)ﾉﾞ
Below were the doodles I managed to draw yesterday but period fatigue took over so I fell asleep earlier than the usual and forgot to post.
Gods, I’m such a sucker for this ship, haha.
As much as I want to list down all our HCs with them, how they develop into a couple, I can’t. I find it’s much better to draw them at least for me because it helps with practicing and improving my skills. Although, I am considering selling a pdf of the B6 sketchbook filled with all those HCs/plots/etc in Kofi for…50 USD, haha.
(Yes, I have entire notebooks looking like picture storybooks filled with drawing ideas/headcanons/AU plots etc because I want to archive them traditionally. The only downside is if someone reads them accidentally or if it gets lost and or misplaced. In that case, I’m totally fucked in the arse.)
I doubt anyone is going to buy it with that price or buy it at all but it doesn’t hurt to try, haha.
The reason why the price is that high is because I’m pretty secretive when it comes to headcanons in text format. As said previously, I prefer to turn them into comics or illustrations because text/list format is kinda lacking for me personally. But when I’m in a rush, I just jot them in the notebook and browse it if there’s any idea I want to draw. (even the notebook has a ton of drawings for guidance. )
Who knows, maybe someone out there is actually willing to pay that much to see and read all the BTS stuff in that headcanon notebook, haha.
Anyway, I got carried away. As always.
That b6 notebook stuff ramble should be reserved for a different blogpost. I could show some samples there too because it’s difficult to explain it.
Referring to the doodles above, dunno what exactly I was aiming for with these drawings tbh but least I did stuff even when I was wincing from my cramps, lol. That’s much more productive than my 2022 self.
As for today, I was busy organising comic scripts and what stuff I should finish by this month. They’re A LOT. It’s overwhelming, lol.
I don’t know where to start but I’ll go with shorter ones. Alternate from fandom to fandom.
‘Exhausted from the road trip yesterday so I couldn’t write up a post, ORZ.
This won’t be long and blabbery but my main goal for this year is to draw whatever without giving a fuck, lol.
The horrible case of depression last year gave way for my bad habits to come back with a vengeance, unfortunately. Paralysing Perfectionism, lvl 9000 anxiety, etc. It was a total relapse and a really bad year for me and the way I approached art. Thankfully, I managed to heal as time went on and that helped clear my mind.
I ended up thinking what if people think it’s problematic, stupid and cringey and crack and aaaaaahhhhhhh
Life is too short and if people have a problem with that, they can pay me a trillion usd to stop me from drawing them. If nuclear armageddon happens by tomorrow and I don’t get to finish and post my citron comic or my hagie and kairene smut comic, I wouldn’t be able to be at peace, haha.
Jesus, why do I even think of these in the first place? Millie you’re too old for this shit. Just draw them!
I’ll post more on twitter and tumblr, especially with WIPs. I overthink a lot with WIPs and spoilers and in the end, they don’t really spoil much anyway so I won’t hesitate to post more of them online, lol.
Hmm what else..
expand the stuff I draw. I want to diversify the series I draw from and not just YGO. I mean, I’ll still draw ygo since I have some comic projects there but I also have other series I am so excited to draw especially since I think I’m already skilled to draw the characters from series I loved as a kid?
I’m not THAT skilled, I still have such a long way to go (sad!) but skilled enough to draw them compared to when I was a kid, haha. Alas, many of them don’t have a big fandom but that’s fine.
FINISH comic projects! Don’t procrastinate because of perfectionism. Perfectionism Anxiety is the number one cause for nme delaying comic works, gah. I’m sorry. But I’ll do my very best to finish comic projects even if they end up looking off to me.
Welp, those are pretty much my NY’s goals. I’ll ofc focus too on improving my art skills but that’s already a given.
Also, doodled some B+
pretty much what happens to Hagi in our AU, haha.
Gonna draw more tomorrow if period pains aren’t too pad, lol.