sketches

I’m not feeling mentally well atm. I had another existenstial depressive episode today after another kin died recently so that sucked. ORZ

I just did some loose sketching to relax myself a bit from my anxiety, gah.

First attempt at Kazuki from Get Backers. ^_^

I remember watching that anime as a preschooler and I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. He was just so pretty and dainty looking…but deadly at the same time.

It’s not obvious but…………

I really have a thing for androgynous characters.

Also Kazuki had some…gay relationship with another character (Juubei) there. I remember that was my earliest exposure to gay relationships in anime. Well, Get backers really had a lot of gay stuff that’s for sure.

The design here is a bit off though, so I need to get more references of him, haha. I just saved a picture of his settei sketch on my phone and thought that hey maybe I could sketch him so I have had made a drawing for today and this came about.

(^^)>

I’ve always wanted to draw him. I only looked forward to episodes that featured him tbh, haha. Ban can go get fucked, lol jk.

I feel like ever since late last year, I’ve been making fanart of characters that I’ve always wanted to make since I was a kid but thought I was too unskilled to do so, lol. Now I’m like. I’m okay-ish in my skills so I should draw all of them childhood blorbos!

Maybe I’m overcompensating.

That, and I just really love them. Friggin’ Get Backers, GiTS: SAC, Ghost Stories, YGO, Blood+, etc babysat my arse when my parents were busy neglecting me because of work so they have a precious spot in my heart and in my memories, haha.

Also, random telegram chat idea sketch:

I don’t know how the entire shirt underneath the schiff’s trenchcoat blazer thing looks like because the material settings only showed a glimpse of it but me and Rin headcanon that it’s sleeveless because it would be really redundant if it had sleeves while wearing the blazer and then the cloak.

Also ‘cuz it looks cool haha. This was an idea that spawned from our chat. Since they’re always so covered up, seeing them expose some of their skin would be surprising to the non-schiff…like Hagi over here. :3C

No matter how much they try to shove HagixSaya propaganda in the material settings books I have, I am very resistant to it, bahaha.

Experiment

Welp, ko-fi restored my profile today (well, yesterday in my timezone since it’s midnight now ).

That was quick, lol.

Maybe it’s because I’m used to other platforms being rather slow to respond that’s why I was worried yesterday.

Anyway,

this is a three page comic I did since the other day. I thought of experimenting with coloured comics and utilising a soft style again inspired by Hwei Lim, heh. I really love her use of soft colours but I still suck compared to her. T__T

A wangsty, white-haired woobie…my weakness…

I ship them so friggin much, haha. (Irene as the wing..woman? wingmate/shipper)

Like, Hagi being tsundere because he has difficulty processing his feelings after all those years of being devoted to Saya and after moving on, finds himself liking someone new. It makes for a compelling arc for him imho. ^^;;

And of course, Gie angsting about his physical limitations / cursed body as an artificial chevalier like in canon. Not exactly having a high self esteem especially in regards to being liked in that way by his former enemy.

haaaah…took me and Rin like, two weeks to flesh him out cuz Fujisaku didn’t give him a personality in canon, haha.

It’s so weird but that’s how I shipped deathshipping too. Just accidental from thinking of scenarios and the rest is history. I still love my deathship after all these years. /weeps/

But the main difference is, they’re not crack like death or citron. Gie and Hagi met in canon unlike those two ships. It just so happens Gie only appears in one episode and dies at the same episode too, lol. (A victim of Fujisaku)

But my blorbo doesn’t die in my AU! Screw the canon version. He and the rest of the Schiff get a happy ending. /huffs /

Ship ramble aside, as appealing as coloured comics are, I cannot fathom making an entire doujin in colour. I can do itif there’s a financial incentive like a commission, (and this comic was used to check if I can use this colouring style for the commission) but with personal works,

hmm

I think if it’s a short bonus comic, I could do it coloured but the rest, I’ll stick to monochrome, lol.

dump

Man, period cramps suck. /flops/

Below were the doodles I managed to draw yesterday but period fatigue took over so I fell asleep earlier than the usual and forgot to post. :/

Gods, I’m such a sucker for this ship, haha.

As much as I want to list down all our HCs with them, how they develop into a couple, I can’t. I find it’s much better to draw them at least for me because it helps with practicing and improving my skills. Although, I am considering selling a pdf of the B6 sketchbook filled with all those HCs/plots/etc in Kofi for…50 USD, haha.

(Yes, I have entire notebooks looking like picture storybooks filled with drawing ideas/headcanons/AU plots etc because I want to archive them traditionally. The only downside is if someone reads them accidentally or if it gets lost and or misplaced. In that case, I’m totally fucked in the arse.)

I doubt anyone is going to buy it with that price or buy it at all but it doesn’t hurt to try, haha.

The reason why the price is that high is because I’m pretty secretive when it comes to headcanons in text format. As said previously, I prefer to turn them into comics or illustrations because text/list format is kinda lacking for me personally. But when I’m in a rush, I just jot them in the notebook and browse it if there’s any idea I want to draw. (even the notebook has a ton of drawings for guidance. )

Who knows, maybe someone out there is actually willing to pay that much to see and read all the BTS stuff in that headcanon notebook, haha.

Anyway, I got carried away. As always.

That b6 notebook stuff ramble should be reserved for a different blogpost. I could show some samples there too because it’s difficult to explain it.

Referring to the doodles above, dunno what exactly I was aiming for with these drawings tbh but least I did stuff even when I was wincing from my cramps, lol. That’s much more productive than my 2022 self.

As for today, I was busy organising comic scripts and what stuff I should finish by this month. They’re A LOT. It’s overwhelming, lol.

I don’t know where to start but I’ll go with shorter ones. Alternate from fandom to fandom.

New Year’s Goals

‘Exhausted from the road trip yesterday so I couldn’t write up a post, ORZ.

This won’t be long and blabbery but my main goal for this year is to draw whatever without giving a fuck, lol.

The horrible case of depression last year gave way for my bad habits to come back with a vengeance, unfortunately. Paralysing Perfectionism, lvl 9000 anxiety, etc. It was a total relapse and a really bad year for me and the way I approached art. Thankfully, I managed to heal as time went on and that helped clear my mind.

I ended up thinking what if people think it’s problematic, stupid and cringey and crack and aaaaaahhhhhhh

FUCK. THAT.

Life is too short and if people have a problem with that, they can pay me a trillion usd to stop me from drawing them. If nuclear armageddon happens by tomorrow and I don’t get to finish and post my citron comic or my hagie and kairene smut comic, I wouldn’t be able to be at peace, haha.

Jesus, why do I even think of these in the first place? Millie you’re too old for this shit. Just draw them!

I’ll post more on twitter and tumblr, especially with WIPs. I overthink a lot with WIPs and spoilers and in the end, they don’t really spoil much anyway so I won’t hesitate to post more of them online, lol.

Hmm what else..

expand the stuff I draw. I want to diversify the series I draw from and not just YGO. I mean, I’ll still draw ygo since I have some comic projects there but I also have other series I am so excited to draw especially since I think I’m already skilled to draw the characters from series I loved as a kid?

I’m not THAT skilled, I still have such a long way to go (sad!) but skilled enough to draw them compared to when I was a kid, haha. Alas, many of them don’t have a big fandom but that’s fine.

FINISH comic projects! Don’t procrastinate because of perfectionism. Perfectionism Anxiety is the number one cause for nme delaying comic works, gah. I’m sorry. But I’ll do my very best to finish comic projects even if they end up looking off to me.

Welp, those are pretty much my NY’s goals. I’ll ofc focus too on improving my art skills but that’s already a given.

Also, doodled some B+

pretty much what happens to Hagi in our AU, haha.

Gonna draw more tomorrow if period pains aren’t too pad, lol.

discovery

I’ve been shitposting a lot here in this blog recently, lol.

I plan on being active and post on tumblr and twitter by next week but for now, I want to have some private fun here and treat this wp blog for its original purpose and that is to post whatever I feel like without any anxious thoughts that many people are watching me. ^^;;

Part of what I miss from my 2015-2020 blog was just me being myself. I posted and complained about whatever and yeah that came with a lot of downsides with so many posts about me being angry, reactionary and at the heat of the moment but it was still my safe space.

Of course now that I’ve grown up and matured (I hope, haha) I realised that there are some stuff that shouldn’t be talked about publicly. I also became less naive with how the world worked and learned more on how to control my impulsive behaviour. I’m stilll impulsive but it’s not as bad as before.

Anyway, I recently discovered something about my Blood+ ship’s voice actors.

They’re very popular as a couple in BL drama CDs, hahaHA

I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING I OVERLOOKED!

I’m not very familiar with BL drama CDs but I’m familiar with Drama CDs as products. One comment I saw on a Bleach video perked my intersest. The commenter mentioned that Jun Fukuyama and Katsuyuki Konishi are a very popular duo/couple when it came to voicing BL couples in drama CDs. Katsuyuki being famous for voicing the Tops and Jun voicing the bottoms in those CDs.

The comment was brought up because the video was about some fight between Yumichika who is voiced by Jun and Hisagi who is voiced by Katsuyuki. And I immediately remember my B+ ship because Hagi is voiced by Katsuyuki and Gie is voiced by Jun, as well.

seeing that,

I FANGIRLED.

HARD.

>v<

I HAD TO do some research, haha. Apparently, they had some BL drama CDs back in 2005 and the episode where Gie and Haji encountered each other was aired in March 2006. Gie is a “minor” supporting character so Jun was the guest VA (according to the interview I read) and my convo with Rin spawned this idea on what went behind the scenes:

Let me make it clear that I DO NOT ship real people at all.

though ngl they look adorable together when I turn them into cheebs, haha. (srsly dat height difference. )

…maybe I could make an original gay story that revolves around this premise, haha.

I’m sure they’re good friends irl.

I don’t know how Jun looked like in 2006 so I just got this design from his profile pic online. With Katsuyuki, I based his design on his pictures in the Material Settings book 1 (since he was interviewed there as well.)

>. >

Hmmm….

*rubs chin*

Continue reading

crack

I was watching Shirokuma Cafe a few days ago and wanted to match the voice actors from it to Blood plus, lol.

Katsuyuki Konishi(Haji) voiced Full Time Panda while Jun Fukuyama (Gie) voiced Panda-kun.

This started when me and Rin watched the original Japanese dub of Blood Plus and Gie’s voice being so similar to Panda-kun’s that she has difficulty dissociating Gie’s original voice from Panda, haha. We were actually exposed to the English dub of the series first and in that dub, Gie had a female voice and along with his very feminine appearance made Rin mistake him as a woman.

She was quite shocked when I told her Gie was a guy, haha.

We ended up being curious if any other Blood plus JP VAs were in Shirokuma and surprise, surprise, Haji’s voice actor was there and voices Panda-kun’s coworker, lol.

Him and Akiko Yajima. The latter voiced Riku and Diva.

Here’s a bunch of crack doodles of Full Time Chevalier Panda! Haji and Panda! Gie.

It’s friggin’ silly but I had fun messing around with them, haha. I don’t ship FT Panda and Panda-kun ofc but I totally ship Hagi and Gie,

Below are the loose sketches from my notebook that the doodles are based on:

I also drew child! Gie because him and the rest of the schiff never had a childhood,

Literally.

And I wanted to imagine his child version having bigger puppy dog eyes and those long eyelashes..gahh

He’d be super adorable that I just wanna squeeze his cheeks. <33333