madeline

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/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

I’ve been posting dreary thoughts here for the past weeks…Sorry. ORZ

But I’m doing okay now. I’ve confided in some people, did some self reflection and had some realisations…

One thing that I should REALLY have stop doing is to…stop thinking too much, lol. I worry about so many things that I end up not doing anything.

Ahh, Anxiety (GAD) fucks with your brain big time . I often wonder how many times I’ve self-sabotaged myself due to my anxiety disorder lol. (probably like a hundred times already)

Anyway, yeah, I’ll be going to therapy for that soon. I desperately need to curb it as it’s been getting so bad and in the way of my art and irl. I’ve also been busy sorting out stupid documents a few days ago and that has been contributing to my lack of energy and more anxious and depressive thoughts.

welp.

The hardest part is getting the ball rolling.

oc

Trying to familiarise myself with more of CSP’s tools.


And below is a wip of a bewd fusion. ^_^

I’m not skilled with drawing monsters or dragons so this proved quite difficult for me to make. ‘Quite challenging but it’s good to go out of my comfort zone.

That’s pretty much what I want to say for today. Sorry if it doesn’t make any sense (like the usual). My brain is packing it in since it’s so late at night here but I want to be able to update my blog like before.

I know I’ve been ….so irregular for the past months but I’m doing my best to draw more despite my mental health struggles this year. ^^

burned.

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

Sorry, I was very burnt out this week because the last commission really wore me out. ^^;; ( but it was one of the drawings I’m quite proud of in regards to painting and experimenting.)

Recently, I’ve been playing The Sims 2 to relax from the stress.

Here’s some simple doodle of my OC in her toddler version with her cat, Lord Tubbykins.

Maaan, I felt like I missed out a lot. When I was small, we never had lots of games. We only had the console version of TS2 on the PS2, and I had to share it with my siblings. I didn’t get to play much, and I never got to experience the expansion packs that added new fun things like pets, vampires, werewolves, university….

I always wished I could ORZ.

I think that’s why I got sucked in so completely this week. I may have spent most of the week and become a bit addicted, gah. (the features were so exciting and from what I’ve heard, it actually is better in so many aspects compared to TS3 and TS4.)

It’s so easy to get pulled into it. It felt nice to catch up on something I’d missed as a child, but it also made me feel guilty. I feel like I need to do more commissions, more art. But it also stresses me out; the more important it feels, the more perfectionist I am. I can barely draw, compared to my old rate, because I’m so scared it’s not good enough to be shown to people. But at the same time, I’m afraid because I’m not posting much.

I need to fix this somehow. Perfectionism is my worst enemy atm.

It didn’t help that I also had a relapse this week with grief. It marked almost seven months since my close relative died and I couldn’t help but feel depressed over that. I ended up having another terrible existenstial crisis, lol. The typical “wtf am i doing with my life?” crap.