Mariku

Askbox Doodles Part 1

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

I wasn’t feeling myself yesterday due to well…not being able to sleep properly. I woke up at 3 am and didn’t go back to sleep because the video on the bg was talking about the atrocities of a certain war criminal who’s name starts with Kiss and ends with -er. He is so goddamn despicable from what the video essay mentioned that I got too angry to sleep, haha.

So some fact about me that you didn’t really have to know: I need some videos playing in the bg (usually on my tablet) to lull me to sleep. it’s a method I use to drown out those negative and self loathing thoughts that plague me every night before sleeping, lol.

Only reason I got YT premium, haha.

Just so happens that yesterday, it was some video essay that infuriated me. Usually I get sleepy with other video essays but this one didn’t. It was informative ofc but being angry at 3 am isn’t good. :/

Hmmm. I’ll have to make a more relaxing video playlist dedicated for sleeping.

On a separate note,

I was surprised at the number of requests in my inbox, lol. I thought I’d just get like 1-3 messages.

I would like to emphasise that I won’t draw OCs in the requests. They’re for commissions only. Any fandom is fine for me to doodle, though. I think they’re good for practice. ^^

So first request is…

from Rin, heh. :3

She wanted Monster World! Ryou and Mariku back to back ready to fight some ghastly pokemon-like monsters~

justadudeguy20 asked:

For drawing requests, could you maybe draw Mesprit from Pokemon in the scenario of the example below?

Here~ ^_^

Anonymous asked:

If your still accepting requests, perhaps Mako Tsunami?

Please and thankyou!!! >u< Your arts so gorgeous!

My first time drawing this guy, lol. Sorry if he looks off. And thank you for the praise, anon. 🙂

compare

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

‘Got too frustrated with drawing yesterday. Y’know that feeling when you are certain what it’s supposed to be like but you can’t seem to do it right no matter what you do?

That was like it for me. ORZ

I seriously wanted to pull all my hairs out from the absolute frustration that I was having.

Gods, why do I even draw when being an artist means signing up for a lifetime of disappointment and discouragement? >__>

Ah well.

Anyway., here’s a sketch comparison from a year ago with the way I drew Mariku.

It’s a bit messy haha. But I actually drew the feb 2023 one on the same page. It was an A4 Midori sketchbook so I thought of using the extra space for the updated version.

I can still see some mistakes on the 2023 one, sighhhh but I’ll just improve as I go along.

Well, gtg. I still have to grind for other stuff for today, ugh,

warming up and some ygo talk

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

I managed to tidy 80% of my workspace today, heh.

I also got to finish the thumbnails of the comic commission so the next step would be sketching and then lineart and the colouring. Hopefully, I can finish it in a month and a half since it’s gonna be nonstop grinding at this point. (plus colouring would put more effort and then more time, gahh.)

I’m also trying to balance my time with storyboarding chapter 7 of the AUU on top of that. Playing Fata Morgana last week made me remember how much I still love deathshipping, gendeerbent or not, it’s still the same beautiful dynamic, haha.

Here’s a preview of the 2023 updated script:

Can’t believe it’s been two years since I last updated the AUU, though. I’m not really sure if people would still read it if I ever finish Chapter 7 but eh, I need to show I can finish stuff. And we both worked hard for that. It would be a shame if we just left it hanging there. Six chapters is sooo little.

Although throughout the years, I learned that sometimes, things don’t really go to plan and there are periods where I get too burnt out to draw so I need to take a hiatus from the doujin project from time to time. ORZ

Me and Rin have a lot of AUs for deathship tbh, haha. There’s a Monster World AU (non chibi) I want to do too but I’ll have to find time for that as well.

Ahh..And then there’s the pocket citron which is the longest, and something I also want to finish this year.

Here’s are some very rough pen doodles of my ygo babies:

I hope I improved drawing these babies, haha. I mean, it’s ballpen drawings but ..I needed to see if I still got it, haha…haaaa.

ahhh…maybe not.

It’s really been a while since I drew them. T__T

Need to practice drawing their hair again, haha. And clothing.

Come to think of it, we also have this side story of the AUU which is Angstshipping. It’s around the question on what if Mariku and YB didn’t come back? So Malik and Ryou are the main couple here. Me and Rin just ended up falling in love with their dynamic and chemistry that we ended up shipping them while making the AUU chapters, haha.

And then, there’s the Mirror! pup comic scenarios I also want to draw because we accidentally shipped the Alternate versions of Jou and Seto, haha. To think they started off as best buddies in that AU for the lulz.

Honestly, it’s a fucking lot. All the ygo stuff I posted before are just the tip of the iceberg, haha. I do miss drawing them. But it’s also good to alternate fandoms. I don’t really want to just draw ygo, haha. I still have me other blorbos from other beloved series I want to draw.

Ahhh, why do comics have to be so time consuming?

I also sometimes have those self sabotage episodes where I become too paralysed with perfectionism and overwhelmed with self doubt that it delays me from finishing many passion project works. But it’s a bad habit that should stop this year because I’m sick and tired of doubting myself.

What do I even accomplish when I follow that stupid, negative voice in my head that insists that everyone hates what I draw?

Nothing.

Anyway, I should head to bed. Need to sleep. I have to wake up early. ORZ

Will post these tomorrow on tumblr and twitter. Gods, I forgot to post there for the past two days. I need to be regular with posting this month, gah.

hair drying & art standards

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

I need to make more comics. ORZ

So I realised another problem which hindered me for months.

(yeah I know I have a lot of problems, lololol)

I spent too much time trying so hard to come up with poncy “artsy” abstract illustration ideas ( the ones I often see on Pinterest and IG) but I realised that…. it’s not my thing?

I mean, I can do those when I’m in the mood which is rare but I ended up forcing myself to be like someone else. It stemmed from my insecurity and internalising, assuming with what I’ve been reading and seeing.

I thought that being unable to come up with those kinds of art was me being uncreative. And that’s another factor why I felt depressed previously. I couldn’t think of any “artsy” ideas no matter how much I forced myself to. I felt so bad about myself because I thought I was just an impostor. I was uncreative.

Am I an artist if I can’t draw like those? If I can’t draw like them?

Am I creative if I can’t conjure those kinds of artworks and ideas?

But art is not all abstract.

Creation is creative.

There are a variety of art styles and themes. I pressured myself too much to make a type of art that isn’t my thing, that isn’t my passion and doesn’t give me satisfaction. All because I felt that fanart wasn’t creative enough. That comics weren’t what made me a “true” artist. That I thought straightforward art wasn’t artistic.

I love comics. I love fanart. I love to do straightforward art. I’m in the zone whenever I make them. I get fulfilled whenever I finish them. Why the fuck was I forcing myself to meet standards that stemmed from my assumptions and other people’s opinions?

Despite the fact that I have an entire notebook filled with ideas to draw, I ended up fixating too much on what I didn’t have, what I thought I should be rather than what I have.

I just wanna draw what I want, gah.

2021 Art Summary

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

Hello.

Long time no see. ^^/

Relative is still in critical condition after a month so…I don’t know what is gonna happen to them. Hopefully they can recover but…

Welp.

I’ll have to accept whatever will come, good or bad. As much as I wanna sulk all the time, I can’t just stop drawing for more than a month or months. I’m still not in a decent mood of course, I feel depressed about their condition and I truly hope they get well soon but life goes on and I need to resume with drawing and other important things.

It doesn’t help Omicron cases have drastically increased here and the hospital he’s in might be crowded with covid patients. ORZ

Anyway, I thought of making an Art Summary for 2021 and…..

…A majority are commissions. :”D

I’m very grateful though for those who commissioned me for being so patient (tysm <3) , as it’s my first time doing commissions. I’ve learned from my mistakes/blunders with commissioning, took note of them and hopefully, I can be more efficient with the next series of commission works.

Continue reading →

Commission 22 [ R18]

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

NSFW Deathshipping (AUU: Fem!Ryou x Mariku/Yami Marik) Commission for lekoweko@twitter ^__^

This one’s a preview since I can’t post r18 stuff in this blog but I attached a link below it where you can find the full version of the image plus its timelapse in my other R18 blog (which I made public today. Nothing special really lol)

FULL VIEW (in my R18 blog)