me

mood stuff

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

‘Thought I could draw more simple personal comic strips for this blog and tumblr or twitter, I guess. It’s a good way of going back to this WP’s original journal purpose, lol. (Even though WP has gone to become more greedy and shittier after all these years)

And some rants are better off as scribble comics because the former can come off as really incomprehensible and jumbled up since I write them when I’m tired most of the time.

I always end up overlooking my menstrual cycle, lol. My period has been irregular for the past two months (due to stress and a messed up sleep schedule probably) so I don’t put the effort to monitor the menstrual app or calendar because they haven’t predicted tthe previous two cycles right.

They seem to be accurate this time, at least. I was feeling very angry, depressed and hungry at the same time last weekend ’til now. And I just had some crying spells a few hours ago, haha. For the past week, I had a black hole for a stomach and craved and ate all the salty and deep fried food in the house and I still wasn’t satiated, lol. (‘Currently craving for McDonald’s as I type this.)

Gods, the luteal phase is always the worst. You just suddenly hate everyone and everything and easily snap and cry over the dumbest and pettiest of things. -__-;;

Today is the last day it seems. I was able to draw this thing so I don’t hate drawing that much compared to a few days ago, haha. And I’m feeling cheerful now, thankfully. ^^

haaaa i’m not looking forward for dem dysmenorrheic cramps this week tho haha.

oww

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

I got a shepherd’s strain ORZ.

I have this bad habit of wrapping some of the dog leash around my wrist during walking especially on our street where my dog just gets super excited to walk so he pulls so hard.

‘Never doing that wrapping again, gah. My wrist hurts so much now.

Hello

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

I’m too tired to give a detailed explanation (it’s late at night, sorry) but long story short: last week was very stressful. I didn’t see many things coming and it really piled the heck up and became too much for me to handle. ORZ

They all severely dampened by ability to pursue my goals here. I experienced one of my worst depressive episodes ever last week as well. (like feeling numb to everything, having no motivation to live and do anything, s****** attempts, those kinds of dark stuff)

But I still want to pursue them.

I will pursue them, as best as I can despite all those. I don’t want to sound like a broken recorder writing down goals that I forget and do nothing in the end but I want to persist despite all my struggles so far this year.

baby steps…

small/ simple and unfinished doodles, short comic strips, illustration, long comics….I can still make up for them this year. I can do this.

—

Ahhhhh i should write blog posts during daytime. Gods, my brain is deep fried atm so I can’t write as much as I want to. ORZZ

-_-

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

It sucks having terrible mood swings and being super down for a few days. It doesn’t help that I also have a bad case of rhinitis, constantly sneezing which probably caused fatigue in my case. ORZ

I’ve been listening to The Sims 1 and 2 soundtrack though and the blast of nostalgia makes me tear up, lol. This Sims 1 Vanilla gameplay video is very relaxing to listen to in the morning. It helps with distracting me from my self-destructive behaviour, too. 😀

I do apologise if I haven’t posted new art. I want to finish the R18 tapho comic but um..honestly, I get so embarrassed gah I don’t know if I should post it or not. >/////<.

sigh.

I’ve just been unmotivated with drawing these past few days, in general….Probably because of the deep melancholy I’ve been experiencing.

ehhhh….

I’ll try to decide if I should finish that comic tomorrow. For now, I need to rest. I’m so tired.