Father,
or to anyone who reads this blog,
forgive me for I have committed the egregious sin of….
….. doomscrolling in twitter for hours today.
…
I should really timebox my twitter usage. ORZ
personal stuff
Clip Studio Shite (rant)
UPDATE [15 MARCH 2023 / 10:58 am ]: I My brain was mush when I typed this lol, I initially mentioned about CSP upgrade that cost 40 USD would come with access to features that’ll last a year but it’s not. You can buy EX 2.0 upgrade but it won’t come with that access so you willl have to subscribe to th EX Update Pass to get them tch.
I’m very disappointed.
…and annoyed.
This is old news as I knew of CSP’s crappy subscription plan months ago when they announced it but I was hoping that they’d backtrack on it in the last minute given how there was a huge uproar in the artist community when the announcement came but alas, they did not. >_>
Gods, I despise capitalism with all my heart.
So I bought CSP EX years ago, the one time purchase/perpetual license which cost like almost 200 USD so it’s quite insulting that they’re offering their upgrade at a high price of 40 USD. They call it a discount but …I dunno what world they live in where 40 USD is a low price for license owners. They’re supposed to be a free upgrade for us license owners in the first place.
Continue readingso ugly
LOL this is such bad art I’m just gonna post this only on WP instead, lol.
So many obvious beginner mistakes, it’s embarrassing. /facepalms/
I’ll probably redraw this sometime soon. I didn’t really wanna put it here, just wanted to scrap it but Rin said I should post it here even if I find it appalling to look at, haha.
Gods, So many anatomy and proportion problems, i don’t even know where to begin.
I really need to do more art studies. 
I know I say that a lot but honestly, I didn’t really have the time to do that because of family stuff and a pet health emergency that happened last week. And I have had some other RL tasks to finish as well. I have a deadline next week so it’s been very difficult to focus, ORZ
I’ll do better.
Anyway, the picture is meant to be some scene in a future comic of our Post “Canon” AU in Blood+. I put canon in quotes because me and Rin did some revisions to the canon timeline where it would be possible for all the schiff to survive and where all those unnecessary, grimdark, and cheap shock moments didn’t happen.
(Really, they weren’t even necessary to the plot at all. And from what I translated from Fujisaku’s interview, it seemed he did it because he wanted shock and he didn’t know what to do with the schiff and Riku after. Plus, he wanted that sequel bait, ugh.)
I ship these characters a lot, damn, haha. How many years since 2005? or 2006? and I never thought I’d be shipping these two in 2022. My child self would be weirded out if they saw this, haha.
Then again, even as a conservative and naive kid, I couldn’t see any chemistry between Saya and Haji at all. Super forced and Saya always came across as a lesbian to me from her interactions with women compared to the men, lol. (hence, why I ship her and Kaori.)
meh. Fuck that comp het, lol.
I want to talk more but my brain is shutting down so fast atm. so I’ll try to blog more tomorrow. ^^
yo
Hello.
Sorry for the inactivity since last weekend. ^^;;
I had the period flu late last week, ugh. The shitty thing about period cramps is that they always come back with a vengeance once the painkiller has worn off and it was crappy timing when it happened during the late night, lol.
And ofc RL stuff got in the way. Family problems and my dog having an emergency situation where his condition was like a roller coaster. On one day, he’s sick and then the next, he is active and then the day after that, he gets sick and worse than the day before.I was so friggin’ stressed and anxious especially seeing him hide himself among the plants and curling up. I panicked since my mind automatically had flashbacks of my dogs hiding themselves like that before they died last year, gah.
Thankfully, his disease wasn’t fatal although he had a low platelet count. He’s doing okay now, being his typical hyperactive and playful self but boy, did the stress take a toll on my physical and mental health, lol.
Anyway, I’m still working on some comics. Might use some final fantasy and other series’ characters also to experiment and warm up on drawing.
I don’t ship those two romantically btw, lol. I ship them platonically, like big sis and lil’ bro.
I ship Lightning with herself, heh.
JK
I mean I don’t really see Lightning having any romantic relationship with anyone. At best, I can see her and Fang being romantic.
ALSO
2000s thick emo animu layered hair is difficult to draw but boy, I love those. I wish they came back in style, haha.
posted
Posted on my nsfw blog just now.
I should be drawing lots of r18 art. I’m Pretty rusty with drawing genitals and naked subjects hence why the art looks weird and deformed, lol.
Gonna do art studies of those for tomorrow.
mood stuff
‘Thought I could draw more simple personal comic strips for this blog and tumblr or twitter, I guess. It’s a good way of going back to this WP’s original journal purpose, lol. (Even though WP has gone to become more greedy and shittier after all these years)
And some rants are better off as scribble comics because the former can come off as really incomprehensible and jumbled up since I write them when I’m tired most of the time.
I always end up overlooking my menstrual cycle, lol. My period has been irregular for the past two months (due to stress and a messed up sleep schedule probably) so I don’t put the effort to monitor the menstrual app or calendar because they haven’t predicted tthe previous two cycles right.
They seem to be accurate this time, at least. I was feeling very angry, depressed and hungry at the same time last weekend ’til now. And I just had some crying spells a few hours ago, haha. For the past week, I had a black hole for a stomach and craved and ate all the salty and deep fried food in the house and I still wasn’t satiated, lol. (‘Currently craving for McDonald’s as I type this.)
Gods, the luteal phase is always the worst. You just suddenly hate everyone and everything and easily snap and cry over the dumbest and pettiest of things. -__-;;
Today is the last day it seems. I was able to draw this thing so I don’t hate drawing that much compared to a few days ago, haha. And I’m feeling cheerful now, thankfully. ^^
haaaa i’m not looking forward for dem dysmenorrheic cramps this week tho haha.
I play with figurines
Not really.
But I forgot to blog about this last week. Sorry. ^^;;>
Well, what happened last week was that I decided to bite the bullet and buy some figurines or pose dolls(not sure what to call them haha) to serve as my drawing aids.
Why did it take me so many years to decide on buying these stuf, yadda yadda?
It’s because I have a huge complex and I end up self sabotaging myself because of my frugality, lol.
Oh, you need figurines as references for posing? Are you such a noob that you have to rely on them because you don’t have much faith in your skills as an artist? Figurines aren’t even accurate. It’s a crutch. You’re not a real skilled artist if you have to use them.
I’ve been grappling with that toxic mentality that I managed to get over a week ago by getting suggested with these products and suddenly remembering a Manben episode of some professional comic artists actually using figurines as their reference for their works.
I was surprised tbh. It was reassuring seeing all these professional manga artists actually have very messy “UNaesthetically pleasing” workspaces and doing whatever method they prefer. All those rules about having to use a G pen, etc. gets thrown out of the window when you see that these artists have their preferred tools of the trade. One of them just uses mechanical pencil and a micron pen and mentions how her editor didn’t know about those, haha.
Continue readingit’s almost 2 am…
…And I’m still awake, lol. wtf.
I may have worked on some comic strips for too long I forgot how much time had passed. ^^
It’s a shame that I haven’t posted much this week but the good news is, I’m grinding a whole lot for the past few days which means I can post more art on twitter and tumblr next week. (^人^)
There’s the comic commission which i got a bit stuck on in the last part but I managed to sort them out. I just need more references to get online for the backgrounds, haha.
I’m also nearly done with a….two year old, short Mirror! puppyshipping comic idea. It’s monochrome so it’s quick, haha but I’ve always wanted to finish that idea. (Will post the BTS of it here if I remember….)
Screw perfectionism! I started a comic with two characters, Seto and Jou that I have difficulty drawing with.
I’m tired of procrastinating because of perfectionism and external approval. What did I even achieve compared to back when I was a big amateur in drawing but brimming with passion, enthusiasm and having no fucks to give?
Rin was right when she told me recently that I lost sight of what my reason was for drawing.
All that enthusiasm in my later art was drowned out because I ended up focusing too much on the technical aspect of something over letting loose and being fun.
Nothing wrong with wanting to improve. After all, those problems only came to me when I started being serious with art. But I ended up fixating on that. I don’t even think of the ship or characters in the art anymore, I kept focusing on what is wrong on the technical level.
Which is unfortunate. I ended up doing the opposite. I got so caught up with technicality that I lost a lot of my passion.
I realised eventually that it’s better to have flawed artworks and comics instead of not doing them at all for fear of them being “ugly” or imperfect.
Like, this mirror! puppy comic might have a lot of mistakes. The panelling might be off, the pacing too quick in one area, anatomy and proportion mistakes, etc..but that’s okay.
I’ll still post it because it’s better to post something that is not perfect instead of letting the ideas gather dust and not see the light of day.
I’ll never be perfect but I don’t want to waste all these ideas and headcanons.
I will definitely finish all our passion projects! ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨
No more perfectionism procrastination!
—
Anyway, my lack of sleep is catching up as I type this, lol.
I’ll continue with my blabber tomorrow.
Fata
Spoken like a true Italian….
He’s such a bigot.
Everyone knows Asian cuisine is much, much superior than any of Europe’s cusine. And that’s a fact of life. Hmph! 😤
Just kidding.
Personally, I like all kinds of foods from the Middle East, Africa and to Europe but I’m more at home with Asian cuisine (Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Indonesian, etc.) probably because I’m Asian myself and I prefer stuff with rice all the time, haha.
Western food can be quite heavy for me most of the time but the best thing about cuisine is that it is very diverse and when you feel sick of eating the same kind of food, you can always try out a new recipe from a different country. Sick of Italian food? Try some French food. Sick of French food? Try some Chinese food etc. etc.
That guy though ended up becoming my problematic fave, haha. I know he is a money and power hungry pig but damn, FataMoru really makes villains into such multifaceted and complex characters that even if he’s a huge dickwad, he still got some of my sympathy, gah.
I actually finished the game yesterday and godss…One of the best VNs ever! I’ll probably even go as far as to say it’s the best VN I’ve read. I don’t understand how it’s so criminally obscure when it’s such a riveting and thought-provoking story. ;___;
I bought the prequel of it yesterday too but I haven’t really gotten up to much of the first chapter yet. Part of me is quite nervous that it won’t be as good as the OG FataMoru but of course, it is a prequel and I’m curious about Morgana’s story so I’ll still read it. ^^;
I think I’ll timebox this to 30 minutes a day or maybe an hour if there’s more time in the day, lol.
Sigh, I wish I was a vampire sometimes. Imagine not having to be so conscious of the time because of being immortal.
Also for all the talk about food a while ago, I haven’t eaten any for today come to think of it.
So, I’ll stop here and uh…scavenge for some food, lol.
‘Will blog more stuff later.
warming up and some ygo talk
I managed to tidy 80% of my workspace today, heh.
I also got to finish the thumbnails of the comic commission so the next step would be sketching and then lineart and the colouring. Hopefully, I can finish it in a month and a half since it’s gonna be nonstop grinding at this point. (plus colouring would put more effort and then more time, gahh.)
I’m also trying to balance my time with storyboarding chapter 7 of the AUU on top of that. Playing Fata Morgana last week made me remember how much I still love deathshipping, gendeerbent or not, it’s still the same beautiful dynamic, haha.
Here’s a preview of the 2023 updated script:
Can’t believe it’s been two years since I last updated the AUU, though. I’m not really sure if people would still read it if I ever finish Chapter 7 but eh, I need to show I can finish stuff. And we both worked hard for that. It would be a shame if we just left it hanging there. Six chapters is sooo little.
Although throughout the years, I learned that sometimes, things don’t really go to plan and there are periods where I get too burnt out to draw so I need to take a hiatus from the doujin project from time to time. ORZ
Me and Rin have a lot of AUs for deathship tbh, haha. There’s a Monster World AU (non chibi) I want to do too but I’ll have to find time for that as well.
Ahh..And then there’s the pocket citron which is the longest, and something I also want to finish this year.
Here’s are some very rough pen doodles of my ygo babies:
I hope I improved drawing these babies, haha. I mean, it’s ballpen drawings but ..I needed to see if I still got it, haha…haaaa.
ahhh…maybe not.
It’s really been a while since I drew them. T__T
Need to practice drawing their hair again, haha. And clothing.
Come to think of it, we also have this side story of the AUU which is Angstshipping. It’s around the question on what if Mariku and YB didn’t come back? So Malik and Ryou are the main couple here. Me and Rin just ended up falling in love with their dynamic and chemistry that we ended up shipping them while making the AUU chapters, haha.
And then, there’s the Mirror! pup comic scenarios I also want to draw because we accidentally shipped the Alternate versions of Jou and Seto, haha. To think they started off as best buddies in that AU for the lulz.
Honestly, it’s a fucking lot. All the ygo stuff I posted before are just the tip of the iceberg, haha. I do miss drawing them. But it’s also good to alternate fandoms. I don’t really want to just draw ygo, haha. I still have me other blorbos from other beloved series I want to draw.
Ahhh, why do comics have to be so time consuming?
I also sometimes have those self sabotage episodes where I become too paralysed with perfectionism and overwhelmed with self doubt that it delays me from finishing many passion project works. But it’s a bad habit that should stop this year because I’m sick and tired of doubting myself.
What do I even accomplish when I follow that stupid, negative voice in my head that insists that everyone hates what I draw?
Nothing.
Anyway, I should head to bed. Need to sleep. I have to wake up early. ORZ
Will post these tomorrow on tumblr and twitter. Gods, I forgot to post there for the past two days. I need to be regular with posting this month, gah.
m i l l i e k o u 