wips wips wips

PMS week and it feels like my stomach is a black hole. I eat a lot and never get full. ORZ

I’m currently starving and craving for deep-fried fast food.\

Specifically, some McDonald’s hash brown/fries and chicken McNuggets, gah. (and maybe a double cheeseburger too?)

But it’s late at night so…maybe I’ll get some tomorrow morning.

Art wise,

I’m currently working on a number of illustration/comics and here are 4 of them in this wip shot:

I HAVE to finish these soon. At least before my period starts, lol. (three friggin’ days of hellish uterine cramps)

I wanna talk more but I need to sleep earlier than the usual.

fanon discontinuity

my reason for our comics/au NOT adhering to canon:

yep, totally pulling the Multidimensional theory card from Noein (and Stein’s Gate) :”D

Cuz fuck canon, lol. (Esp with Blood+ and TKB/Mariku’s ending in YGO…oh and Neji’s death from Naruto cuz I remember that pissed the hell out of me too, lololol

hediescuzheshipsnaruhinawtf…more like, kishi HAD to get rid of him because he was proven right in the end haha. Fuck that ending)

Anyway, I’m currently working on a number of doodles/illustrations/comics.

I’m happy to say that this “off the grid” WP art rehab is working as I’m getting back the art momentum I had from a few years ago. ^_^

I’ve never been this energetic and motivated. I feel like as the years went by I put a lot of pressure and imaginary rules on myself and my art that drawing felt more of a chore rather than something I used to be passionate about.

But now, I feel like the shackles I’ve put myself in are broken and I’m free from it.

It feels so good drawing whatever without thinking if X will like it and other external factors like stats.

Just drawing random stuff because it’s fun. Not having to overthink about composition, values and all those other factors for once.

it’s liberating.

Also,

Rin showed me videos of Noein outtakes and gods, I wished Blood+ had those, There’s so much stuff to poke fun and parody the series with.

Actually, scratch that, If I were the English dubber having had the opportunity for outtakes, I’d just be passively aggressively complaining at Fujisaku, lol.

my poor baby ;(

‘Wish there was Blood+ abridged, haha. The Schiff would be lampooning the heck out of Fujisaku.

Although the images above was inspired by derpcakes’ Fate/Zero Summaries which is still funny after all these years, heh. :’3

Aaaaand

It’s getting late. I need to sleep.

cold

this strip is two days old but I’ll post it here, lol.

From what I’ve seen today Twitter is still okay. Although I’ve heard that we’re gonna see it slowly dying a week or so from now?

I dunno all the details but it did shoot itself on the foot ‘cuz the new owner is a total twat.

welp.

I only use my milliekou twitter for art and my other personal twitter for news and memes, lol.

I don’t think I’m affected that much since all my thoughts are in this blog and sometimes on tumblr. TBH, I’ve never been a fan of twitter’s interface when it comes to jotting down ideas personally because…. I talk too much haha.

I don’t like having to cut my rambles and turn it into a thread because they’d look so disorganised. If I want to rant to my heart’s desire continuously with no thread number, I want one blog post dedicated to all the crap I spout, haha.

What bothers me though was seeing people on twitter mention how twitter is going to die like tumblr.

uhhh

These people clearly haven’t been on tumblr lol.

They just love to say it’s dead. Sure, it’s not as big as it was in 2012 or smth but it’s far from dead. Lots of people are still in there and posting stuff, wth are they smoking?

As a sidenote, I really have come to dislike those who love to claim X is dead or dying or “rise and fall of (insert generational trend/genre/platform that was big in 2010 )”. Esp with genres. These are FRIGGIN genres. They don’t fucking die. They just fall in and out of fashion. Dropping off being mainstream for a while. A cycling ebb and flow.

Honestly, just use “Rise and Fall of Prominence” instead of just assuming something is dead because it wasn’t as hyped and big as it was back then. >__>

Anyway yeahhhh…twitter is in the toilet. But hasn’t been flushed yet.

In other news, I’ve been struggling with a bad cold for the entire day. I miss being a child and wanting to have colds so I can miss school lol but now, they come at inconvenient times and are such a pain the arse to deal with.

blabla

Hearkening back at my previous post on fansites, I mentioned about how people generally have to put up a persona and or to post their highlights online which was quite a far cry from the old, wild west of the internet. I hope nobody mistook it as me saying that everyone is being fake. ^^;;

It’s a general thing and not something that everyone does, of course. There are still people especially on tumblr who post as if it’s their journal. But yeah, my theory with the old internet was that not everyone was using the internet back then that’s why people were ..more “authentic”? (though many were also openly rude and bigoted. Lots of slurs being said so casually so it wasn’t a paradise, pfft.)

I recall hearing from older people since I was still a kid at that time and I was quite unaware with many things except fandom and games, lol. that it was usually the geeks/nerds/outcasts who posted on the internet hence, why they weren’t bothered with highlights. It was a way where they can share their passion to fellow”nerds” in other parts of the world. I’m not sure if it’s 100% true but it does make sense to want to only post your hightlights especially when everyone including your parents and work/classmates are on the internet. You’d obviously wanna impress them and not show the “bad” side. Nobody is immune to that. It’s in our instinct to please others.

And my remark with people needing to earn mostly applies to people who rely on their branding for a living. They need their branding to be “pure” to their profile because one little mistake, and it could cost you some customers or clients. But even that applies to many people now.

I’m not immune from the people pleasing, either. I wish I was, lol. I tell myself to not give a fuck but it’s so difficult not to, ngl. ( ;__; )

Speaking of impressing people, some examples where I try to hide my “bad” or ‘real” side is when I sugarcoat some posts here like when I say I wasn’t feeling mentally well, what happened irl is usually much worse like having a mental breakdown and crying before sleeping and even attempting su*c*de, lol.

Another one would be ranting here but my tumblr and twitter would have none of that (they are mostly art) because I’m too scared of having eyes judging me on what I’m saying and I feel more free to speak my mind here.

AND even in this blog, I sometimes still get so self conscious with what I post that I end up not posting as many text/rambles/blurbs anymore. (Paying 40 USD a year for a site where I barely post anything is a waste of money thinking about it, gahhh.)

That is what I struggle with but I’m trying to curb that overly anxious behaviour.

But something that struck me recently was when Rin told me that when she read my last 2-3 posts (gushing about B+ haha), it looked like that I was having fun again. It’s the first time that she’s seen me so happy and excited in years. I thought about that for a while and she’s right. I get so giddy when I think of my ships and of the AU we made. It’s an old and niche series but I love it. I don’t care if it ain’t mainstream or super popular. I love the characters so much and I’m regaining my passion with drawing again.

And hearing those words from Rin, it made me more motivated to share more posts where I just gush about stuff and not caring if they’re”good enough.”

Besides, it’s not like many people come to this site anyway, haha so I can gush when I want to. ╮(╯▽╰)╭

TLDR; I need to get my money’s worth with this blog by not being excessively self conscious, LMAO.

Of 2000s fansites…

I was feeling nostalgic for the old wild west internet in the 2000s. It made me feel blessed that I was able to still remember when the internet wasn’t corporatised and when people were honest with their feelings in a way?

Like, not just showing the highlight reels or a cute ~aesthetic~ workplace, but just showing whatever because they found them interesting regardless if it’s aesthetic or not.

Now obviously some people became too personal, haha and aired their bad laundry out there but then again, nothing was perfect.

I’m not saying everyone now in the internet is being fake but it is a fact that many, if not all people nowadays are focused on branding (profilicity) and impressing others and I get it. People need to make ends meet especially with the economic recession now but it makes me wish that I could go back in time and appreciate and archive websites I used to browse as a kid.

Most would be fansites of ships and anime series I loved.

Ahh, fansites.

It’s A LOT of work, haha.

Back when there wasn’t an “official” wikia for so many anime series and when social media wasn’t a big thing yet, fans would make websites (usually html coded ones) for their favourite ship, character or series. Fansites were quite diverse in their purpose. Some were info/wikia-like sites; just giving out the general information of the series. Some fansites were dedicated to a single character (often called a “shrine”, lol.), a group of characters, a ship, etc.

The first fansite I followed was some Hoennshipping fansite I stumbled in google results because as a kid, I was so in love with May and Brendan being a couple. Eventually, I learned the term “shipping” and pokemon ship names from bulbapedia. Turns out, May and Brendan as a couple is called, “Hoennshipping.”

It all started from there with me being some shadow in the internet constantly searching for more content and info on my favourite anime series and characters. And with that, came the endless stumbling upon so many fansites. The individuality and creativity that these fans had was wonderful and inspiring to see. Yeah, some of ’em were elitist, some of ’em were petty but those were still wacky, fun times.

I’m not saying wikias are bad. They are very useful for info ofc but they’re super clunky. For example, when you click on the search box esp on the B+ wikia, they load a list of pages and only then can you search. Additionally, just the idea of a corporation/company that likes to call themselves “Fandom” is quite dubious.

One thing that I liked from fansites was their Independence. You can upload what you want, as you want. No dumb formatting rules or wiki politics like power users who want to run it like their own petty fiefdom. And Wikia can’t up and pull the plug on you or force it to be designed around their corporate layout.

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BLOOD十 MOOKS!

I finally got hold of the Material Settings books of Blood+ !!!!! <333

I used a proxy warehouse service for the first time called Buyee. Apparently, it’s the official partner of Mercari for international shipping so I used it automatically, lol. I’ve read a huge number of bad reviews about it online so I was scared that I might have had my money wasted. Fortunately, it arrived much faster than I expected

So yeah, good service at least from my first time experience with them. ^^;;

Anyway, the small books are actually the bonus materials that come with the Limited Edition Blu Ray DVDs and I thought I could get my hands on them for more reference and trivia/ special information. These are the old 2006 / 7(?) ones because there was a new version released in 2020. I want to buy the 2020 blu ray dvds some time and get the “re-edited” versions of the material books PLUS the art book but they’re quite pricey for me atm and I’m still saving up some money for the vet bills gah.

But if I manage to save enough where I don’t feel guilty for spending over 250-300 USD for a blu-ray series, I’d definitely buy it to support them, haha.

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assumptions

Sometimes I get so amazed on how professional mangaka tend to publish chapters weekly and then I remember they have a bunch of assistants working for them, lol.

I always seem to forget that part because they (the assistants) often don’t get credited in the title cover. It’s usually the mangaka themselves that are only in the main credits which is a shame because…well, I think assistants need to be credited and also, as a kid it gave me the wrong impression on productivity. I used to think mangaka artists worked alone and can make comics so fast that they can upload in a weekly schedule, which is super hellish.

The reason why I’m talking about this random thing is because I feel frustrated at how long it’s getting me to finish a slightly short fancomic, ORZ. I know I shouldn’t compare because I work by myself most of the time and I’m not making comics as a job. (Though Rin helps with 3d assets and sketching storyboards when I have difficulty coming up with them.) but still I hate how slow I’ve become.

Thankfully, I’m done with all of it except the cover image, lol. Cover images are always the last part of the doujin process for me and unfortunately, they are very difficult to think of because it has to reflect the entire premise of the comic in one illustration. Let’s not even get to the part with graphic design and having to find the right title font for it, haha. I’m not exactly skilled in the graphic design area but I’m tdoing my best to improve and learn more. It’s just such a pain in the arse to find which font and font style suits the cover image. :/

ah well.

I’m feeling super sleepy so I have to head to bed. I have a lot of stuff to ramble about here in this dumb blogsite this week. I just need to blog earlier than the usual and not past my bedtime schedule, lol.

ft

I was listening/watching to the Fairy Tail anime on Netflix as I was working on stuff and I would have never thought hearing its OST in the background would make me tearful from the nostalgia, LOL.

It’s actually been so many years since I dropped the manga/anime. I think it was during the Grand Magic Games arc? (The arc after the Tenrou Island thing).

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