Father,
or to anyone who reads this blog,
forgive me for I have committed the egregious sin of….
….. doomscrolling in twitter for hours today.
…
I should really timebox my twitter usage. ORZ
rambling
yo
Hello.
Sorry for the inactivity since last weekend. ^^;;
I had the period flu late last week, ugh. The shitty thing about period cramps is that they always come back with a vengeance once the painkiller has worn off and it was crappy timing when it happened during the late night, lol.
And ofc RL stuff got in the way. Family problems and my dog having an emergency situation where his condition was like a roller coaster. On one day, he’s sick and then the next, he is active and then the day after that, he gets sick and worse than the day before.I was so friggin’ stressed and anxious especially seeing him hide himself among the plants and curling up. I panicked since my mind automatically had flashbacks of my dogs hiding themselves like that before they died last year, gah.
Thankfully, his disease wasn’t fatal although he had a low platelet count. He’s doing okay now, being his typical hyperactive and playful self but boy, did the stress take a toll on my physical and mental health, lol.
Anyway, I’m still working on some comics. Might use some final fantasy and other series’ characters also to experiment and warm up on drawing.
I don’t ship those two romantically btw, lol. I ship them platonically, like big sis and lil’ bro.
I ship Lightning with herself, heh.
JK
I mean I don’t really see Lightning having any romantic relationship with anyone. At best, I can see her and Fang being romantic.
ALSO
2000s thick emo animu layered hair is difficult to draw but boy, I love those. I wish they came back in style, haha.
mood stuff
‘Thought I could draw more simple personal comic strips for this blog and tumblr or twitter, I guess. It’s a good way of going back to this WP’s original journal purpose, lol. (Even though WP has gone to become more greedy and shittier after all these years)
And some rants are better off as scribble comics because the former can come off as really incomprehensible and jumbled up since I write them when I’m tired most of the time.
I always end up overlooking my menstrual cycle, lol. My period has been irregular for the past two months (due to stress and a messed up sleep schedule probably) so I don’t put the effort to monitor the menstrual app or calendar because they haven’t predicted tthe previous two cycles right.
They seem to be accurate this time, at least. I was feeling very angry, depressed and hungry at the same time last weekend ’til now. And I just had some crying spells a few hours ago, haha. For the past week, I had a black hole for a stomach and craved and ate all the salty and deep fried food in the house and I still wasn’t satiated, lol. (‘Currently craving for McDonald’s as I type this.)
Gods, the luteal phase is always the worst. You just suddenly hate everyone and everything and easily snap and cry over the dumbest and pettiest of things. -__-;;
Today is the last day it seems. I was able to draw this thing so I don’t hate drawing that much compared to a few days ago, haha. And I’m feeling cheerful now, thankfully. ^^
haaaa i’m not looking forward for dem dysmenorrheic cramps this week tho haha.
I play with figurines
Not really.
But I forgot to blog about this last week. Sorry. ^^;;>
Well, what happened last week was that I decided to bite the bullet and buy some figurines or pose dolls(not sure what to call them haha) to serve as my drawing aids.
Why did it take me so many years to decide on buying these stuf, yadda yadda?
It’s because I have a huge complex and I end up self sabotaging myself because of my frugality, lol.
Oh, you need figurines as references for posing? Are you such a noob that you have to rely on them because you don’t have much faith in your skills as an artist? Figurines aren’t even accurate. It’s a crutch. You’re not a real skilled artist if you have to use them.
I’ve been grappling with that toxic mentality that I managed to get over a week ago by getting suggested with these products and suddenly remembering a Manben episode of some professional comic artists actually using figurines as their reference for their works.
I was surprised tbh. It was reassuring seeing all these professional manga artists actually have very messy “UNaesthetically pleasing” workspaces and doing whatever method they prefer. All those rules about having to use a G pen, etc. gets thrown out of the window when you see that these artists have their preferred tools of the trade. One of them just uses mechanical pencil and a micron pen and mentions how her editor didn’t know about those, haha.
Continue readingit’s almost 2 am…
…And I’m still awake, lol. wtf.
I may have worked on some comic strips for too long I forgot how much time had passed. ^^
It’s a shame that I haven’t posted much this week but the good news is, I’m grinding a whole lot for the past few days which means I can post more art on twitter and tumblr next week. (^人^)
There’s the comic commission which i got a bit stuck on in the last part but I managed to sort them out. I just need more references to get online for the backgrounds, haha.
I’m also nearly done with a….two year old, short Mirror! puppyshipping comic idea. It’s monochrome so it’s quick, haha but I’ve always wanted to finish that idea. (Will post the BTS of it here if I remember….)
Screw perfectionism! I started a comic with two characters, Seto and Jou that I have difficulty drawing with.
I’m tired of procrastinating because of perfectionism and external approval. What did I even achieve compared to back when I was a big amateur in drawing but brimming with passion, enthusiasm and having no fucks to give?
Rin was right when she told me recently that I lost sight of what my reason was for drawing.
All that enthusiasm in my later art was drowned out because I ended up focusing too much on the technical aspect of something over letting loose and being fun.
Nothing wrong with wanting to improve. After all, those problems only came to me when I started being serious with art. But I ended up fixating on that. I don’t even think of the ship or characters in the art anymore, I kept focusing on what is wrong on the technical level.
Which is unfortunate. I ended up doing the opposite. I got so caught up with technicality that I lost a lot of my passion.
I realised eventually that it’s better to have flawed artworks and comics instead of not doing them at all for fear of them being “ugly” or imperfect.
Like, this mirror! puppy comic might have a lot of mistakes. The panelling might be off, the pacing too quick in one area, anatomy and proportion mistakes, etc..but that’s okay.
I’ll still post it because it’s better to post something that is not perfect instead of letting the ideas gather dust and not see the light of day.
I’ll never be perfect but I don’t want to waste all these ideas and headcanons.
I will definitely finish all our passion projects! ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨
No more perfectionism procrastination!
—
Anyway, my lack of sleep is catching up as I type this, lol.
I’ll continue with my blabber tomorrow.
Fata
Spoken like a true Italian….
He’s such a bigot.
Everyone knows Asian cuisine is much, much superior than any of Europe’s cusine. And that’s a fact of life. Hmph! 😤
Just kidding.
Personally, I like all kinds of foods from the Middle East, Africa and to Europe but I’m more at home with Asian cuisine (Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Indonesian, etc.) probably because I’m Asian myself and I prefer stuff with rice all the time, haha.
Western food can be quite heavy for me most of the time but the best thing about cuisine is that it is very diverse and when you feel sick of eating the same kind of food, you can always try out a new recipe from a different country. Sick of Italian food? Try some French food. Sick of French food? Try some Chinese food etc. etc.
That guy though ended up becoming my problematic fave, haha. I know he is a money and power hungry pig but damn, FataMoru really makes villains into such multifaceted and complex characters that even if he’s a huge dickwad, he still got some of my sympathy, gah.
I actually finished the game yesterday and godss…One of the best VNs ever! I’ll probably even go as far as to say it’s the best VN I’ve read. I don’t understand how it’s so criminally obscure when it’s such a riveting and thought-provoking story. ;___;
I bought the prequel of it yesterday too but I haven’t really gotten up to much of the first chapter yet. Part of me is quite nervous that it won’t be as good as the OG FataMoru but of course, it is a prequel and I’m curious about Morgana’s story so I’ll still read it. ^^;
I think I’ll timebox this to 30 minutes a day or maybe an hour if there’s more time in the day, lol.
Sigh, I wish I was a vampire sometimes. Imagine not having to be so conscious of the time because of being immortal.
Also for all the talk about food a while ago, I haven’t eaten any for today come to think of it.
So, I’ll stop here and uh…scavenge for some food, lol.
‘Will blog more stuff later.
mirror seto and mokuba 1
Today was pretty uneventful.
For some reason, I’ve been very tired in the mornings but more productive at night. But at the same time, very sleepy at night too?
It’s a huge contradiction, gah.
I’m trying to be a daytime person though. As peaceful as the night is, it’s not exactly good for my skin to be a night owl, haha. It messes up my hormones, sadly. 
Anyway, I was talking to Rin about Mirror Seto. I thought of adding more character and flaws to him especially since he’s…very pro worker in the Mirror!Verse which is the total opposite of canon kaiba (probably. Canon kaiba seems like a ruthless businessman/ceo haha)
Here’s some doodle of his dynamic with Mirror Mokuba who is a very aggressive….
….kid.
Small but terrible.
Pardon. ‘been a while since I drew these two, lol.
I kind of want to make Mirror Seto quite spineless towards his very domineering younger brother which could be a good flaw. (I don’t want him to be a totally perfect person, haha.)
I don’t mean he’s a coward but as said above, I prefer for him to have struggles like wanting validation from his younger brother, his only family, and facing the high pressure and expectations to “suceed” as the CEO of KaibaCorp. He doesn’t want to be CEO deep down but he knows if it’s Mokuba who is in charge, the workers there would be fucked, lol.
With Mirror! Mokuba, We characterised him as a young prodigy so he’ s very mature for his age yet has a cold, capitalist mentality (a union buster lol) and wants to strictly adhere to the traditional family business model which is the total opposite of Mirror Seto who is a very empathetic person, does his best to give his employees great working conditions and aims to gradually steer the corporation to a cooperative one in this ‘verse much to the dismay of Mokuba.
TLDR; Being totally opposites personality-wise and the way they want to run the business is why they don’t get along as well as in the canon verse, haha.
Not to mention, Mokuba really hates Mirror! Jou here so he’s a constant foil to the mirror ship.
Damn.
And to think we made Mirror Seto for the purpose of being merely joke material. Now I want him to have his own character arc, haha.
warming up and some ygo talk
I managed to tidy 80% of my workspace today, heh.
I also got to finish the thumbnails of the comic commission so the next step would be sketching and then lineart and the colouring. Hopefully, I can finish it in a month and a half since it’s gonna be nonstop grinding at this point. (plus colouring would put more effort and then more time, gahh.)
I’m also trying to balance my time with storyboarding chapter 7 of the AUU on top of that. Playing Fata Morgana last week made me remember how much I still love deathshipping, gendeerbent or not, it’s still the same beautiful dynamic, haha.
Here’s a preview of the 2023 updated script:
Can’t believe it’s been two years since I last updated the AUU, though. I’m not really sure if people would still read it if I ever finish Chapter 7 but eh, I need to show I can finish stuff. And we both worked hard for that. It would be a shame if we just left it hanging there. Six chapters is sooo little.
Although throughout the years, I learned that sometimes, things don’t really go to plan and there are periods where I get too burnt out to draw so I need to take a hiatus from the doujin project from time to time. ORZ
Me and Rin have a lot of AUs for deathship tbh, haha. There’s a Monster World AU (non chibi) I want to do too but I’ll have to find time for that as well.
Ahh..And then there’s the pocket citron which is the longest, and something I also want to finish this year.
Here’s are some very rough pen doodles of my ygo babies:
I hope I improved drawing these babies, haha. I mean, it’s ballpen drawings but ..I needed to see if I still got it, haha…haaaa.
ahhh…maybe not.
It’s really been a while since I drew them. T__T
Need to practice drawing their hair again, haha. And clothing.
Come to think of it, we also have this side story of the AUU which is Angstshipping. It’s around the question on what if Mariku and YB didn’t come back? So Malik and Ryou are the main couple here. Me and Rin just ended up falling in love with their dynamic and chemistry that we ended up shipping them while making the AUU chapters, haha.
And then, there’s the Mirror! pup comic scenarios I also want to draw because we accidentally shipped the Alternate versions of Jou and Seto, haha. To think they started off as best buddies in that AU for the lulz.
Honestly, it’s a fucking lot. All the ygo stuff I posted before are just the tip of the iceberg, haha. I do miss drawing them. But it’s also good to alternate fandoms. I don’t really want to just draw ygo, haha. I still have me other blorbos from other beloved series I want to draw.
Ahhh, why do comics have to be so time consuming?
I also sometimes have those self sabotage episodes where I become too paralysed with perfectionism and overwhelmed with self doubt that it delays me from finishing many passion project works. But it’s a bad habit that should stop this year because I’m sick and tired of doubting myself.
What do I even accomplish when I follow that stupid, negative voice in my head that insists that everyone hates what I draw?
Nothing.
Anyway, I should head to bed. Need to sleep. I have to wake up early. ORZ
Will post these tomorrow on tumblr and twitter. Gods, I forgot to post there for the past two days. I need to be regular with posting this month, gah.
blurb
My workspace is so messy, gah. I really have to clean tomorrow.
So…much….clutter…..
That’s one of the things I hate with depressive episodes. I get such a lack of motivation and energy that I couldn’t be bothered to tidy the place at all, lol.
Well, I’ll be cleaning up the entire room tomorrow. No excuses!
On another note, I also played some Fata Morgana today and I thought I could screenshot the handsome portraits of my blorbo from the series, haha.
GODS, He’s so fucking HOT!
He looks so much like Ryou but with a very masculine and mature appearance. ( neck muscles!)
Even the first time I encountered him in the VN, I referred to him as Ryou’s real dad, haha. And Ryou’s ancestor. >>
This guy has it so rough. A million more times of a woobie than Ryou and Gie but I love all three white haired boys the same. <3333
But damn, I LOVE the art style of Fata Morgana. I need to study how the artist rendered the details, heh. Look at dat hair and thsoe mesmerising eyes!
Need…..to know…their…techniques…..
pig
I was suffering from some period cramps yesterday (god, sucks to have periods lol) so I thought of playing some FataMoru. I’m currently at the third door and just a few minutes in, this character has already earned my ire and resentment, lol.
This door takes place in the Victorian era, late 19th century so period of rapid industrialisation and you had these fucking scum exploiting the hell out of the poor and working class. Wait, what am I talking about? It still happens to this day, lol.
This is something I really love about FataMoru. All too often, Anime/manga and just media in general love to romanticise the rich aristocrats and nobility, always making them look so fancy and pretty, have stories almost often revolve around them. If there’s a poor person, it’s almost always very individualistic with them marrying to the upper ecehlons of society/ monarchy and “Living Happily ever after.” Never mind the other poor people who are propping their luxurious lifestyles up with their taxes, haha (esp in the case of monarchies).
bleh! (ノ｀Д´)ノ~┻━┻
FataMoru actually is very critical of the rich. You can see how the poor characters criticise some of the rich characters like them being able to be kind, polite and gentle when the poor cannot because of their material conditions. Even a poor lad in the VN mentions how it’s so easy to say to move out of a place when you have money but if you’re impoverished or not well-off, it would be difficult to even move out and let go of the place you grew up in.
Honestly, it was so refreshing seeing that. History and the media tend to often overlook the peasants, the serfs, the colonised people, the slaves and always prop up the rich and royalty. Even until now, people still love to romanticise Marie Antoinette and other versailles crap. I’m like, gods…..why?! smh.
Or like the Romanov family which I mean, sucks that the entire family was killed but like, nobody cares what brought about the revolution. Like how the Russian peasants (who were the majority of the country mind you lol) have had enough of their monarchy just sending them to all die in a war they didn’t even want and letting them starve and suffer so much while they live in luxury. Mainstream Historians love to gloss over that and instead, focus on the oh-so-poor, poor rich royal parasites living off sooo extravagantly on the backs of the suffering workers. （；¬＿¬)
(Rin even mentioned that in the UK, they’re mostly taught of the royal inbreds’ lives and not much of the imperialism that Britain subjected to so many countries around the world. ugh.)
It’s utterly disgusting and it’s a huge sign that history when being taught generally needs to be reformed or changed, imho. There needs to be a huge emphasis on the class struggle. Something that begets class consciousness and solidarity among the working and poor people.
TLDR; I’m sick and tired of this constant glorification of opulence and the rich which is why I adore this VN, lol.
That, and the VN kinda had a “couple” that had so much deathshipping vibes it made me realise that I should resume with the AUU. How long has it been since I last update it? two years, gah. (๏д๏)
So much deathshipping vibes earlier on. I’m like, man, just keep giving it to me make me more inspired to finish that story haha.
໒( ♥ ◡ ♥ )७
m i l l i e k o u 