hair drying & art standards

I need to make more comics. ORZ

So I realised another problem which hindered me for months.

(yeah I know I have a lot of problems, lololol)

I spent too much time trying so hard to come up with poncy “artsy” abstract illustration ideas ( the ones I often see on Pinterest and IG) but I realised that…. it’s not my thing?

I mean, I can do those when I’m in the mood which is rare but I ended up forcing myself to be like someone else. It stemmed from my insecurity and internalising, assuming with what I’ve been reading and seeing.

I thought that being unable to come up with those kinds of art was me being uncreative. And that’s another factor why I felt depressed previously. I couldn’t think of any “artsy” ideas no matter how much I forced myself to. I felt so bad about myself because I thought I was just an impostor. I was uncreative.

Am I an artist if I can’t draw like those? If I can’t draw like them?

Am I creative if I can’t conjure those kinds of artworks and ideas?

But art is not all abstract.

Creation is creative.

There are a variety of art styles and themes. I pressured myself too much to make a type of art that isn’t my thing, that isn’t my passion and doesn’t give me satisfaction. All because I felt that fanart wasn’t creative enough. That comics weren’t what made me a “true” artist. That I thought straightforward art wasn’t artistic.

I love comics. I love fanart. I love to do straightforward art. I’m in the zone whenever I make them. I get fulfilled whenever I finish them. Why the fuck was I forcing myself to meet standards that stemmed from my assumptions and other people’s opinions?

Despite the fact that I have an entire notebook filled with ideas to draw, I ended up fixating too much on what I didn’t have, what I thought I should be rather than what I have.

I just wanna draw what I want, gah.

fem! angst

Hello.

I’m trying to get back again into things. Like experimenting, posting unfinished, rough works and their likes. I struggle too much with perfectionism but I’m slowly letting go of it.

It’s okay to make mistakes and post super rough works.

Here’s one below 😀

full image

It’s not really explicit or graphic. Just a bit of nudity.

(emo rambling ahead.)

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New Year

Hello.

I just came back after the funeral at my hometown, and boyyy I’m so wiped out from the grief and constant road trips back and forth.^^;

Pantone chose “very peri” as the colour of 2022 and I could say that was the most apt colour because of a huge loss in our family last weekend and generally, periwinkle or colours in the blue-purple-reds spectrum remind me of gloom and utter melancholy. (which is my mood for the entirety of the year lol)

Anyway,

here’s some art.

I posted this, unpolished and unfinished in some areas because I’m currently not in a good mental state to do polished works so I apologise if there are some errors and messy stuff.

I rarely post artworks that are dedicated for special holidays because I’m often occupied with other art projects and rl tasks but I managed to make one for this year, ironically since I was greeted with such an unfortunate event during the new year.

I don’t think I’ll be happy and celebratory this year due to a very significant loss (I’ll be busy dealing with grief) but I hope you guys enjoy 2022. Here’s to a wonderful new year for you all~ ^_^🥂

I’ll probably make another post to ramble about my New Year’s Resolutions and future projects. (Maybe I’ll write about them tomorrow?)

2021 Art Summary

Hello.

Long time no see. ^^/

Relative is still in critical condition after a month so…I don’t know what is gonna happen to them. Hopefully they can recover but…

Welp.

I’ll have to accept whatever will come, good or bad. As much as I wanna sulk all the time, I can’t just stop drawing for more than a month or months. I’m still not in a decent mood of course, I feel depressed about their condition and I truly hope they get well soon but life goes on and I need to resume with drawing and other important things.

It doesn’t help Omicron cases have drastically increased here and the hospital he’s in might be crowded with covid patients. ORZ

Anyway, I thought of making an Art Summary for 2021 and…..

…A majority are commissions. :”D

I’m very grateful though for those who commissioned me for being so patient (tysm <3) , as it’s my first time doing commissions. I’ve learned from my mistakes/blunders with commissioning, took note of them and hopefully, I can be more efficient with the next series of commission works.

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Commission 22 [ R18]

NSFW Deathshipping (AUU: Fem!Ryou x Mariku/Yami Marik) Commission for lekoweko@twitter ^__^

This one’s a preview since I can’t post r18 stuff in this blog but I attached a link below it where you can find the full version of the image plus its timelapse in my other R18 blog (which I made public today. Nothing special really lol)

FULL VIEW (in my R18 blog)

hobo doodles

I’m an idiot for putting so many washes on this paper, lol. You can see the red ink (the 2021 thing) bleeding through the page because I treated this as a thick watercolour paper for some strange reason.

It still managed to hold well, though. That red ink was the only one that bled through the page. The rest didn’t so that’s a plus.

Yep, I can’t wait for September 1 so I can buy 2022’s hobo planner, lol.

Not going to lie, it curbed my chaotic and messy mentality and mannerisms. I was able to write personal thoughts out and draw daily this year (which I thought was impossible for me) so I had to stash and save up for a 2022 version. ^^

The price makes you motivated to not waste your money and draw or write something each day, lol. I could not bear to miss one page . But it’s reasonable considering its like 365 + pages of tomoe river paper and a nifty planner and sketchbook all in one. (It won’t be able to handle alcohol based materials so no copics/promarkers and sharpies if you don’t want it to bleedthrough!)

🌺 WHERE TO BUY: HOBONICHI 2022 WEBSITE 🌺

a redraw from 2017
I’m so in love with fem! malik x fem! ryou angstshipping! they’re so cute together, aren’t they?<3333
The thinness of a 52 GSM TOMOE RIVER PAPER!

yyup. Hobotecho’s got themselves a loyal customer, heh. ^^;;

coloured old sketches

Hello.

I’ve been working on the remaining commissions and I wanted to experiment on colouring, specifically, soft colouring as my style has already been leaning on to very saturated and warm colours. It isn’t bad of course, it’s nice that I’ve gotten more familiar with that kind of colouring style but I’ve missed using soft colours and textures.^^;;

The idea of scanning my old sketches and digitally colouring it came when I was searching for my thumbnails for this citron comic strip I plan to draw soon. I tend to use paper pads (A5) for that and I found a little stack of papers filled with old concept art, house plans and some sketches in my drawer. Since they weren’t exactly “instagrammable,” or aesthetically pleasing sketches (for me, lol), I thought of doing the good ol’ tradition of scanning and inking/ painting over the scanned drawing.

//has a flashback when ipad pros and affordable screen/ monitor tablets weren’t a thing yet and digital artists who didn’t like the hand-eye coordination of a pen tablet due to the initial, awkward, unnaturalness in drawing had to resort to scanning their trad work, tracing over and painting them digitally instead. because a cintiq was too fucking expensive and only pros and rich ppl could afford it at that time and even now./// ahhh…why do I miss those dark times? Am I envious at the younger generation of artists having to not resort to that and having a convenient ipad pro and the wide availability of cheaper monitor tablets while I struggled with having to get used to digitizer tablets back then? shutyourmillennial/genZ mouth millie./////

I must be getting old. fuck. >_>

Yeah, I know, my attempt at foreshortening on Green’s (Pokemon Kanto) left arm here sucks ass, lol. (How did I manage to overlook this big mistake while drawing it?)

I didn’t bother changing that in the “retouched” work unfortunately. I wanted to mainly experiment on colouring rather than anatomy today so I just traced over that and coloured it. Maybe I could redraw the entire thing some time.

And right next to Green is White Wizard (Monster World) Ryou. I used a Pilot Eno light blue pencil and a prismacolour col erase blue pencil with that sketch. This was actually traced over for a trad watercolour drawing last year but since I was such a novice with watercolours at that time (until now actually lol), I failed in a sense that the colours were dull and I forgot to dry them so different paint colours leaked to various areas of the picture.

I may have gotten carried away with colouring. I told myself, just a simple base soft colour sketch look, no need to polish it and add details but I eventually made it…fairly detailed. Not super detailed but pretty detailed. I need to stop doing that, really.

Perhaps it’s me compensating for the fact that I barely made any “decent” or “detailed” illustrations for the past five years before I dabbled into commissions. Most of my art were ygo sketch doodles or messy paintings and it’s a regret of mine because when I was in the process of opening commissions, it was very difficult finding a “polished” and good looking illustration to show to clients. So now, I’m making more detailed or slightly polished works so that I can attract more clients in case I’m gonna open commissions again. At least, be able to show them what I’m capable of.

Ehhhhh..

(:3 」∠)

I shouldn’t beat myself up for that, though. I only started getting serious with gaining some lil’ income through commissions or donations last year and the previous years were just me doing whatever, whenever and just…going wherever the wind takes me, yknow? (Couple that with my self-sabotaging behaviour before too.I was a friggin’ mess holy shit, lol. )

TLDR: ‘Experimented with colours from some old sketches and I need to do more simplistic and low level works. Not everything that I draw has to be ~pretty~, and polished. Unfinished ones can be appealing too imho.

warmups kul elna things 1

These are warmups from yesterday before I resume doing commissions so my stuff won’t be as rusty as before.

I’m trying to finalise design of TKB’s mum. I don’t really have a name for her but I don’t think she needs one in the Ancient Egypt AU lol. I just need her character for some scenarios and comic ideas I have that revolve around Kul Elna. ^^;;

I was thinking of TKB resembling his mother a lot aside from his eyes. ^^

Her design was inspired by Nubian and Ethiopian colours and fashion which are quite colourful compared to Ancient Egyptian fashion. The latter often consisted of off white and or cream-ish robes/dresses with maybe some non white accent . I wanted to emphasise the “foreign-ness” or Ostracism of the Kul Elna people from the average Egyptians by having their clothes be very colourful compared to the rest of the Egyptian community. You can see also see that her clothing is tattered. Kul Elna didn’t look like a bustling and rich village to me. It seemed to resemble a ghetto or a slum area (remniscent of Upper Egypt it seems ?) so I think they were poor and because of prejudice (I mean literally no one seemed to bat an eye on why a village was deserted lol) they didn’t get any job opportunities and some resorted to stealing.

(It’s really a very grey area for me with Kul Elna’s reputation for being a “village of thieves” as they were descended from Royal tomb builders.Like how did it come to that? So many questions I want to make a story on. )

For some reason, me and Rin really can’t visualise how TKB’s dad would look and I joked that maybe we can just rip off YGODM Mr. Bakura’s design and just put dark skin on him like what they did with Atem and Priest Seto, lol. And this scribble came up.

It…really doesn’t suit him, haha.

It’s just a random joke though. That would be quite unoriginal andTKB’s mum’s design has the same fringes and hairstyle as Ryou and his dad anyway so we can’t really use that lol. I was thinking in the story that maybe TKB’s dad was killed before TKB was born and his mum had to raise him as a single mother. Not sure though…

…hmmmm…

I’m still brainstorming ideas with Rin. I’d like to make more comics on TKB’s childhood and the community of Kul Elna itself before the massacre happened. I think there’s so much more to tell about a village of “thieves.” (apparently pfft….I really don’t understand why Takahashi would give this kind of backstory to TKB and let him and his people go to hell in the end like..wut kind of fucked up justice system does YGO have that Akhnadin, the one who perpetrated the massacre gets to go to the friggin afterlife and TKB is destroyed and goes to hell? ) then again these kinds of things happen irl sighhhh. ‘So depressing but rich and powerful people often get away with things that the poor cannot. they just fuck em over again and again

It’d be nice to tackle classism, poverty, prejudice and racism in this AU. I’ll have to find more time for it though gahh..fuck. ORZZZ