I was listening to the Rev Left podcast, on one episode regarding mental health and I was struck with what the interviewee mentioned about turning your own struggles into compassion especially for others.

Sometimes I end up wallowing in my misery though, gah.

But I like that idea of helping other people who struggle on the same stuff I had / have been experiencing.

One thing I realize growing up is that there’s no such thing as finding happiness in life and by that, “permanent happiness” in life because these are just fleeting. It’s not good on a long term basis especially since they’re very dependent on external factors /cough/ material wealth/cough/

…And what people generally yearn for is finding meaning in their lives. Like, you go push through with life despite all the stress and adversity when you have a sense of purpose and direction, beyond the transient state of pleasure.

And helping people is one way for me to have that sense of purpose. Turning my own bad experiences as a tool to give way for more connection, empathy and solidarity. ^^

ANYWAY, emo stuff aside, I did another sketch comparison from last year, lol.

I often make art comparisons not as a flex, but it’s a good way for me to reflect on my mistakes, where did I go wrong, what I overlooked, etc.

and how my art style has changed.

GODS, it’s been a while since I drew Ryou, too. Heh. :3

HMMM…so with the 2022 one, the face was very small and the art style is more reminiscent of the 90s and YGO with the small sharp nose and the mouth being too close to it, haha.

He’s a total baby face there., honestly. :”D


I made him look more mature and defined in the 2023 version, haha. OFC I still headcanon Ryou as a soft furby and he still is in my art, but I like where my art style is heading now compared to before?

I still struggle with proportions so I’m obviously gonna find this 2023 cringe next month or so, lol but I want to make characters look more mature in my works. As much as I adore the ygo, inuyasha, 90s /90s-ish art style, I want to add more 2000s and late 2000s influence with my works, haha. Especially artists with the likes of Yana Toboso, Range Murata, Masashi Kishimoto, etc. VNs like Fata Morgana has also inspired my art style lately.

(90s-2000s anime and manga series are the best for me haha Ngl. ESP 2000s haha. )

I used to be an utterly impulsive bitch when it came to talking about art styles come to think of it. I sounded like some rigid and stiff Victorian lady in one of my old posts, gahhh. I’m so sorry. ORZ

I tended to judge people and things so hastily back then and it’s still something I catch myself doing from time to time and currently trying to curb that shite but I can say this for sure, from my experience, as the years go by and more influences come in, art styles…change. As much as there is a distinct style for certain artists, it doesn’t remain stationary imho.

Even with YGO for example since that was mostly what I drew all these years, haha. Seeing how Takahashi’s style changed from when he was working on the manga in SJ vs his latest works especially in the later art book. It’s remarkable. It is proof that yeah he improved but also, his art style developed into something different. ( it’s also softer rather than the pointy ones in his original manga. )

Regardless, that is also something I need to take note of. I end up becoming too dogmatic and stubborn to the point it hinders my development.

Ah well,

it’s late I should sleep, gah.


Askbox Doodles Part 1


I wasn’t feeling myself yesterday due to well…not being able to sleep properly. I woke up at 3 am and didn’t go back to sleep because the video on the bg was talking about the atrocities of a certain war criminal who’s name starts with Kiss and ends with -er. He is so goddamn despicable from what the video essay mentioned that I got too angry to sleep, haha.

So some fact about me that you didn’t really have to know: I need some videos playing in the bg (usually on my tablet) to lull me to sleep. it’s a method I use to drown out those negative and self loathing thoughts that plague me every night before sleeping, lol.

Only reason I got YT premium, haha.

Just so happens that yesterday, it was some video essay that infuriated me. Usually I get sleepy with other video essays but this one didn’t. It was informative ofc but being angry at 3 am isn’t good. :/

Hmmm. I’ll have to make a more relaxing video playlist dedicated for sleeping.

On a separate note,

I was surprised at the number of requests in my inbox, lol. I thought I’d just get like 1-3 messages.

I would like to emphasise that I won’t draw OCs in the requests. They’re for commissions only. Any fandom is fine for me to doodle, though. I think they’re good for practice. ^^

So first request is…

from Rin, heh. :3

She wanted Monster World! Ryou and Mariku back to back ready to fight some ghastly pokemon-like monsters~

justadudeguy20 asked:

For drawing requests, could you maybe draw Mesprit from Pokemon in the scenario of the example below?

Here~ ^_^

Anonymous asked:

If your still accepting requests, perhaps Mako Tsunami?

Please and thankyou!!! >u< Your arts so gorgeous!

My first time drawing this guy, lol. Sorry if he looks off. And thank you for the praise, anon. 🙂


Currently warming up with some doodles of Ryou cosplaying as Phi from Zero Escape~

I barely draw this creampuff T__T. Sorry, Ryou.

This just came out of a chat when I saw Phi and she had the same colour scheme as Ryou and we thought Ryou would look good in Phi’s outfit, haha.

although I genderbent this one by adding pants cuz Phi wears a miniskirt.

Ah but I forgot to put the flower head accessory.

I’m still in the very first part of the Zero Escape: Virtue’s Last Reward haha, so I don’t wanna be spoiled. Seems interesting so far although I didn’t get to enjoy it as much last week cuz I was too burnt out to even play the minigames. I wanted to enjoy it but my brain was too deep fried and tired.

Speaking of burnout, I didn’t get to do any art studies because I was burning the midnight oil for a week, ORZ. I had a deadline yesterday so I was drowning myself in instant coffee because I didn’t have time to brew and I didn’t have much time for fandom online stuff but I did open CSP and…

well, from the latest post, I got so pissed that they didn’t retract their shitty subscription service so I ranted about how much I hated the path they were starting to walk into. I know it’s the natural trajectory of this capitalist mode of production, so I expected the subscription based service , most stuff are heading that way, adobe did that shit, most 3d programs do that shit,

but I didn’t think they’d be that shameless, haha. Especially since it felt like a betrayal from like, six, seven years ago when I bought it, Maybe I took it too personally, CELSYS is a corporation so it’s pointless to even have any hope for them to care about their consumers, I get it, but I was being optimistic for once. Like they were able to backtrack that AI feature on their program after the huge uproar and negative feedback they got from the CSP artist community, I thought, well, this subscription plan they have for V2 received so much negative feedback, maybe they’d backtrack on it last minute..

they didn’t.

ah well…

Key to happiness is to have low expectations.

for everything, lol.

I’m joking (not really) but jfc, I hate feeling nihilistic and cynical because it’s not productive to the cause but eh, it’s difficult to not get discouraged with how things are right now, locally and worldwide.

hair drying & art standards

I need to make more comics. ORZ

So I realised another problem which hindered me for months.

(yeah I know I have a lot of problems, lololol)

I spent too much time trying so hard to come up with poncy “artsy” abstract illustration ideas ( the ones I often see on Pinterest and IG) but I realised that…. it’s not my thing?

I mean, I can do those when I’m in the mood which is rare but I ended up forcing myself to be like someone else. It stemmed from my insecurity and internalising, assuming with what I’ve been reading and seeing.

I thought that being unable to come up with those kinds of art was me being uncreative. And that’s another factor why I felt depressed previously. I couldn’t think of any “artsy” ideas no matter how much I forced myself to. I felt so bad about myself because I thought I was just an impostor. I was uncreative.

Am I an artist if I can’t draw like those? If I can’t draw like them?

Am I creative if I can’t conjure those kinds of artworks and ideas?

But art is not all abstract.

Creation is creative.

There are a variety of art styles and themes. I pressured myself too much to make a type of art that isn’t my thing, that isn’t my passion and doesn’t give me satisfaction. All because I felt that fanart wasn’t creative enough. That comics weren’t what made me a “true” artist. That I thought straightforward art wasn’t artistic.

I love comics. I love fanart. I love to do straightforward art. I’m in the zone whenever I make them. I get fulfilled whenever I finish them. Why the fuck was I forcing myself to meet standards that stemmed from my assumptions and other people’s opinions?

Despite the fact that I have an entire notebook filled with ideas to draw, I ended up fixating too much on what I didn’t have, what I thought I should be rather than what I have.

I just wanna draw what I want, gah.

fem! angst


I’m trying to get back again into things. Like experimenting, posting unfinished, rough works and their likes. I struggle too much with perfectionism but I’m slowly letting go of it.

It’s okay to make mistakes and post super rough works.

Here’s one below 😀

full image

It’s not really explicit or graphic. Just a bit of nudity.

(emo rambling ahead.)

Continue reading

New Year


I just came back after the funeral at my hometown, and boyyy I’m so wiped out from the grief and constant road trips back and forth.^^;

Pantone chose “very peri” as the colour of 2022 and I could say that was the most apt colour because of a huge loss in our family last weekend and generally, periwinkle or colours in the blue-purple-reds spectrum remind me of gloom and utter melancholy. (which is my mood for the entirety of the year lol)


here’s some art.

I posted this, unpolished and unfinished in some areas because I’m currently not in a good mental state to do polished works so I apologise if there are some errors and messy stuff.

I rarely post artworks that are dedicated for special holidays because I’m often occupied with other art projects and rl tasks but I managed to make one for this year, ironically since I was greeted with such an unfortunate event during the new year.

I don’t think I’ll be happy and celebratory this year due to a very significant loss (I’ll be busy dealing with grief) but I hope you guys enjoy 2022. Here’s to a wonderful new year for you all~ ^_^🥂

I’ll probably make another post to ramble about my New Year’s Resolutions and future projects. (Maybe I’ll write about them tomorrow?)

2021 Art Summary


Long time no see. ^^/

Relative is still in critical condition after a month so…I don’t know what is gonna happen to them. Hopefully they can recover but…


I’ll have to accept whatever will come, good or bad. As much as I wanna sulk all the time, I can’t just stop drawing for more than a month or months. I’m still not in a decent mood of course, I feel depressed about their condition and I truly hope they get well soon but life goes on and I need to resume with drawing and other important things.

It doesn’t help Omicron cases have drastically increased here and the hospital he’s in might be crowded with covid patients. ORZ

Anyway, I thought of making an Art Summary for 2021 and…..

…A majority are commissions. :”D

I’m very grateful though for those who commissioned me for being so patient (tysm <3) , as it’s my first time doing commissions. I’ve learned from my mistakes/blunders with commissioning, took note of them and hopefully, I can be more efficient with the next series of commission works.

Continue reading

Commission 22 [ R18]

NSFW Deathshipping (AUU: Fem!Ryou x Mariku/Yami Marik) Commission for lekoweko@twitter ^__^

This one’s a preview since I can’t post r18 stuff in this blog but I attached a link below it where you can find the full version of the image plus its timelapse in my other R18 blog (which I made public today. Nothing special really lol)

FULL VIEW (in my R18 blog)