ygo

Short Comic – Detangle

/ Ayana / Leave a comment

‘Back from the countryside and finished this short comic today 😀

I kept the colouring style simple and basic. I tried to resist getting carried away and making it detailed, ehe…It’s a bad habit of mine to suddenly make everything detailed when it’s not necessary.

Not as appealing as I’d like it to be but it’s a start, I guess.

WIP

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I’ve been meaning to finish this comic today but I was busy with other stuff earlier. ORZ

Here’s a WIP shot of the upcoming short comic strip:

He looks constipated, doesn’t he?

I’ll be at the countryside this weekend for family obligations hence why I’m so frustrated about not finishing this today. :/

I’ll do my best to finish this short comic strip on Monday, though. I’m aiming for a rough or “unpolished” style because my goal is to be very loose with drawing and colouring, haha. Not that I want it to be ugly but I want to find comfort in making “rough” works. It might help me overcome my anxiety and perfectionism. (。・・)ノ

hair drying & art standards

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I need to make more comics. ORZ

So I realised another problem which hindered me for months.

(yeah I know I have a lot of problems, lololol)

I spent too much time trying so hard to come up with poncy “artsy” abstract illustration ideas ( the ones I often see on Pinterest and IG) but I realised that…. it’s not my thing?

I mean, I can do those when I’m in the mood which is rare but I ended up forcing myself to be like someone else. It stemmed from my insecurity and internalising, assuming with what I’ve been reading and seeing.

I thought that being unable to come up with those kinds of art was me being uncreative. And that’s another factor why I felt depressed previously. I couldn’t think of any “artsy” ideas no matter how much I forced myself to. I felt so bad about myself because I thought I was just an impostor. I was uncreative.

Am I an artist if I can’t draw like those? If I can’t draw like them?

Am I creative if I can’t conjure those kinds of artworks and ideas?

But art is not all abstract.

Creation is creative.

There are a variety of art styles and themes. I pressured myself too much to make a type of art that isn’t my thing, that isn’t my passion and doesn’t give me satisfaction. All because I felt that fanart wasn’t creative enough. That comics weren’t what made me a “true” artist. That I thought straightforward art wasn’t artistic.

I love comics. I love fanart. I love to do straightforward art. I’m in the zone whenever I make them. I get fulfilled whenever I finish them. Why the fuck was I forcing myself to meet standards that stemmed from my assumptions and other people’s opinions?

Despite the fact that I have an entire notebook filled with ideas to draw, I ended up fixating too much on what I didn’t have, what I thought I should be rather than what I have.

I just wanna draw what I want, gah.

LEMON CREAM PIE

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Hello.

This chibi art is my excuse to draw a pie I recently came to love (and crave!) with my favourite ship.

So the story is, I tried some Lemon Cream Pie a few months ago and I never expected to end up falling in love with its taste and velvety texture, haha. I was never a fan of lemon-y desserts like lemon cakes, lemon squares, etc. because I couldn’t imagine eating something especially a dessert that had a lemon taste. I always thought that lemons are only good as a drink (lemonade) or something to accompany a seafood dish but this pie changed my mind. It was sooo scrumptious and smooth I ended up eating probably more than half of the entire pie, eheh…^_^;;

Anywho,

I love citronshipping so much that whenever I see lemons or any fruit resembling citron fruits, my mind imemdiately goes to that ship, haha.

And drawing food is relaxing so why not make an artwork of a favourite ship PLUS a favourite dessert?

COMMISSION 32 : BEWD x REBD

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A full coloured chibi commission for DarkFluffy98 who wanted a fusion of Red Eyes Black Dragon and Blue Eyes White Dragon ^_^

I’m not exactly super skilled when it comes to designing creatures especially when they are fusions of dragons of Duel Monsters ehehe…. sorry but I like to think this helped me get out of my comfort zone. Making this was very challenging since the beginning hence why it took more time than I expected for me to finalise and finish this commission. ^_^

Discouragement and Comparison

/ Ayana / 2 Comments

Hello.

‘Sucks to say I had such severe depression this week. A mixture of rl stress/problems and hormones (PMDD) exacerbating the entire thing with terrible mood swings which completely zapped my motivation to do anything that’s self-care related.

Plus a heavy period since yesterday, ORZ. I was fatigued and I was lying in pain for hours today. (Even painkillers aren’t that effective nowadays, ugh.)

So…

I was confiding to Rin about my perfectionist mentality last night which hindered me from drawing as much as before(aside from Trauma). I found myself endlessly scrolling through so many amazing art because I burnt out weeks ago and I wanted to gain inspiration. Unfortunately, there’s a limit to scrolling as I found out because instead of making me inspired, it left me super unmotivated and discouraged to draw, LOL.

I felt so inadequate with my skills comparing myself to their art that I wanted to quit drawing.

What’s the point of drawing when I fucking suck and like 100000s of artists are better than me? All my art is trash and nobody likes it. I should quit.

It sounds doomer and childish, haha but I’m sure I’m not the only one who experiences that. Not to mention, endlessly scrolling, telling myself ” Oh, this is for inspiration for me to draw.” thinking it was helping me when I was self-harming essentially. It was causing me more depression and anxiety making me think I need to be X type with A detail just for me to be a good artist. I was procrastinating through it, too. Instead of drawing, i just scrolled and scrolled until I felt so disgusted with my works and even myself. I was sulking and wallowing in self hatred instead of grinding.

So being desperate to stop this, I asked Rin to be my accountability buddy in the meantime. She agreed and she told me I’m currently banned from looking and scrolling through artists online. That I should be getting my inspiration from offline sources which helps more because there’s no endless scrolling option offline (art books). Hopefully, I can keep up with it. It’s been helping me today at least, to focus more on my art and our comics.

RIP Takahashi

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So I was watching some KoTH episodes with Rin today and she broke the news to me that Takahashi died from a snorkeling accident which ihit me like a ton of bricks. He was quite active in posting in his social media and then…this happens. It’s completely shocking.

He was just 60 I think? so young….

UGGGHH,

I fucking hate 2022…ffs.

It’s such a total shock. I can’t believe he’s gone. The fact that I grew up with ygo, playing ygo (and seeing my classmates’ ygo cards get confiscated by the teachers lol) it feels like losing a part of my childhood and even my teenage years (with ygotas and the tumblr ygo fandom. )

Takahashi has left a lot of influence on me which is why I’m quite devastated on his sudden death. His series (and the tumblr fandom) inspired me to start taking drawing seriously and make fancomics of them which was something I thought I could never make. Heck, I met Rin all because of our love for the series and its characters. He’s also had a huge influence on my art style. His works pretty much became a part of my life essentially.

Depressing….

Sorry, this was the only drawing I could muster up for today. I’ll try to make a polished tribute but I think continuing to draw the characters he made that I love , like comics and random doodles, is enough to show my appreciation of him and his works.

Rest in Peace, Kazuki Takahashi, Your legacy continues to live on TT ___ TT.